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Old 10-11-2012, 05:19 PM
movesthroughyou movesthroughyou is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 2

Originally Posted by Phy View Post
Hey there, welcome.

It seems as if the solution for your problem is quite easy but I will try to point to the discrepancies I see in your post first.

If I see it right, it would come down to J putting up with the situation even though he doesn't feel comfortable in it, as long as you wouldn't be able to choose otherwise. But as far as I understood, you already offered to leave T and tried to leave J as well. What I find most problematic here, is that you claim to love both, but already wanted to leave either one even though you said:

Now I am confused ^.^ But well, be it as it may, I would suggest you get a grip on your own feelings first, before you make any decision. If that is the way you communicate with your partners, I can understand why everyone feels so lost and disoriented in this matter.

If you come out of that session with yourself and found that the last statement I quoted is ultimately true, your path is a quite 'easy' one: J doesn't want you to suffer because of a decision you can't bear and make to his favour and T seems to be OK with a V relationship already. So go and start one

Why haven't you come to that conclusion already, I didn't see a reason in your post why you are hesitating right now. Why do you feel the need to make a decision and pick one if your feelings tell you that you can't?

The last question is more a rhetoric one, I know how strange the thought of loving two/more is at first. I felt the same. But believe me, when your partners are this supportive of your feelings and situation and state that they could imagine being in such a relationship with you, try it. You will feel the best you can, when you are able to be true to yourself and they, if they are just partly like my men, will be happy because you are happy and they can be with you.

Wishing you luck and don't forget to take a deep breath
Thank you for your input Phy.

I guess I do understand that my thoughts and emotions are all over the place. So much has happened in the last week. I guess I opened up myself to the possibility of loving two at the same time and I just don't know how to stop (not that I want to). I love both and want both, but J forced an ultimatum on me that we wouldn't develop unless I leave T. Then he later took back that ultimatum and said he's okay for now and that I shouldn't be making any decisions over a short time frame and that he still hopes that there is an arrangement where all 3 of us are happy. He says he doesn't love T but cares for him deeply. Whereas T and I feel as though he's just too caught up with what he doesn't have and is resenting T somewhat for T's "stable" position in my life.

Taking very deep breaths and trying to keep positive. Only wish I had found this forum sooner.
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