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Old 10-11-2012, 02:58 PM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 651

Hey there, welcome.

It seems as if the solution for your problem is quite easy but I will try to point to the discrepancies I see in your post first.

J originally said that him and I would only continue if I were single.
I tried saying goodbye to him and he broke down crying.
I said I would leave T for him if he wanted me to, and he's said that he doesn't want me to do that and has since said that he will be happy with whatever I decide as long as I'm not depressed from the thought of losing either one.
If I see it right, it would come down to J putting up with the situation even though he doesn't feel comfortable in it, as long as you wouldn't be able to choose otherwise. But as far as I understood, you already offered to leave T and tried to leave J as well. What I find most problematic here, is that you claim to love both, but already wanted to leave either one even though you said:

I've been asked (by J) whom I love more, to which I responded saying I love both of them differently and I don't think it's a question of how much I love them individually but rather that I love both of them to a point I can't imagine my life without either of them.
Now I am confused ^.^ But well, be it as it may, I would suggest you get a grip on your own feelings first, before you make any decision. If that is the way you communicate with your partners, I can understand why everyone feels so lost and disoriented in this matter.

If you come out of that session with yourself and found that the last statement I quoted is ultimately true, your path is a quite 'easy' one: J doesn't want you to suffer because of a decision you can't bear and make to his favour and T seems to be OK with a V relationship already. So go and start one

Why haven't you come to that conclusion already, I didn't see a reason in your post why you are hesitating right now. Why do you feel the need to make a decision and pick one if your feelings tell you that you can't?

The last question is more a rhetoric one, I know how strange the thought of loving two/more is at first. I felt the same. But believe me, when your partners are this supportive of your feelings and situation and state that they could imagine being in such a relationship with you, try it. You will feel the best you can, when you are able to be true to yourself and they, if they are just partly like my men, will be happy because you are happy and they can be with you.

Wishing you luck and don't forget to take a deep breath
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

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