Co-habitation/Communal Living

I live in Arizona, I see alot of hispanic families, some also happen to be immigrants themselves, doing this very thing, multi family cohabitation. It is nothing new, they have been doing this since before I was born. I can tell you this, they save so much money doing this that most of them end up paying cash for their homes and vehicles...which frankly, most of the population cannot do this. So, it does work, if everyone is pitching in, rather than the few paying for the rest.

I have lived in this manner w my family in past years.... guess what, never ever will it happen again w my family or either of my husbands family members. It was a clusterfuck to be sure, we ended up paying the others way, put up w their rudeness,dirtiness, etc...never again, oh hell no... and worse, it destroyed the relationship I had w those family members... to the point that I would never take them in, even if they ended up homeless. It was not worth the ruined relationships.
 
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I think like many other things, whether a communal household works or not depends upon the personalities involved. I personally think it's a great idea as long as the participants have some kind of a shared vision, communicate well with each other, and have the mutual goodwill to make and stick to practical arrangements, particularly if it's intended to be a long term arrangement.

Amanita
 
I suppose I'll recant a bit on what I said earlier... if I lived in a tenement-type of situation, I think that would certainly be doable for me. Co-located without the loss of personal space. And yes, families used to do this all the time. It'd certainly make it easier to find a catsitter when I go away. :)

It reminds me of an animated short I ran across a while ago... I guess it kind of fits here: Sundays at Rocco's

Back in college, I did enjoy this type of living arrangement - multiple units with friends, where we'd get together regularly. Nowadays, I'd just prefer to not have roommates in my own unit. :)
 
opalescent

In regards to your hoping of ending up in such a community, have you put forth any effort in finding a community that meets your needs?

I have, although it remains a distant goal. There are a few local cohousing communities I could possibly buy into. However, they are expensive and not located in the city I want to live in. I was also involved briefly with a group trying to get a local cohousing community off the ground in my city but, sadly, it fizzed after a few years. I suspect I will need to get a group together to build a community or join an existing one.

I am interested in the possibities of having lovers and/or friends join the community too but my main goal is to find a community that supports people doing elder care. My parents are healthy but they are aging and it is something I think about often.
 
SchrodingersCat

Bravo. Do you happen to know where I might start to find that thread you spoke of?

On the forum. I would start with the search button. I can't remember the keywords, so your chances are as good as mine.
 
calypsoblu

I can understand your strong sentiment to never repeat that bad experience again. But, would you be open to cohabitation with another couple, poly or monogamous, in the future?

I pose that question because when it comes immediate family, living together might be more difficult with them that it would be with another couple with who you and your husband were close friends with for a period of time.

Amanita

Have you ever had any direct (personal) or indirect (someone else) experience with such a living arrangement?

opalescent

Interesting, if you do not mind sharing, where were these cities located?

Additionally, from my impressions of www.beyondtwo.com, it seems like this might be a place to look into finding another group or community to build such a community. I have met some people on there who are kind-hearted, motivated, and have the resources to make such a goal possible. I am talking with one of them, so I would be happy to direct you her way if you are curious.

SchrodingersCat nycindie

Thank you for the link & search pointers. I will go through the blogs later to see if it has some of the ideas you mentioned, so I appreciate the guidance.
 
Ryan, dude, it's beginning to look like you're here just to advertise the beyondtwo site. Please stop adding a link to it in nearly every post you make if you are really here for advice and/or to share your poly experience, and for your posts to be considered valid and sincere.

A link to the site has already been included in our Online Poly Resources thread, so please just participate from now on without pushing it on us all over the place. Thanks.
 
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Ryan, dude, it's beginning to look like you're here just to advertise the beyondtwo site. Please stop adding a link to it in nearly every post you make if you are really here for advice and/or to share your poly experience, and for your posts to be considered valid and sincere.

A link to the site has already been included in our Online Poly Resources thread, so please just participate from now on without pushing it on us all over the place. Thanks.

Ok, Nyncindie.

I did not mean to annoy you, I am solely focused on the cohabitation idea and that is the ONLY poly site I have seen that even brings up such an idea in their profile or in general. While I do not see the problem in posting articles or links that bring up that topic, sure Nyncindie, whatever you want.

Thanks.

Ryan
 
Ok, Nyncindie.

I did not mean to annoy you, I am solely focused on the cohabitation idea and that is the ONLY poly site I have seen that even brings up such an idea in their profile or in general. While I do not see the problem in posting articles or links that bring up that topic, sure Nyncindie, whatever you want.

Thanks.

Ryan

http://blogs.wsj.com/economics/2014/02/11/californias-affordable-housing-crisis/


I am concerned about this problem, so while I understand you are the moderator, I think you are missing the point of what I am trying to do.
 
There is being concerned then there is harping,
 
While I do not see the problem in posting articles or links that bring up that topic, sure Nyncindie, whatever you want.

There's no problem with posting articles or links, but once is enough. You'll notice nothing was said the first, second, or third time.

No one's missing the point, it was made pretty clearly in your first post. Hence, no need to repeat yourself.

As crappy as it is, we live in a "not my problem" kind of world. I'm already concerned with a lot of "not my problems" like aboriginal rights in Canada and discrimination against immigrants. Then add in all the things that are my problem, like the Harper gov't abolishing environmental protection acts and literally burning centuries of fisheries and other written environment records, increasing tax relief for the rich at the expense of the poor, and selling our natural resources to the lowest bidder... frankly, housing crises in California are the least of my concern.

The housing crisis is a symptom of a much larger problem, which is the growing divide between the haves and the havenots. Making all the poor people share apartments is not going to solve that problem, not in the least. It's not that "there aren't houses," it's that "the houses are too expensive and people don't make enough money to buy them." So yeah, you can go on a crusade to fix one symptom, or you can get involved trying to change legislation to fix the real problem. I choose the latter.
 
There is also the option of moving somewhere cheaper...

My house with Butch costs $450/ mo for a 3 bedroom 1.5 bath house with a small fenced in yard. It will be paid off in 3 yrs. My home with Murf is $475 /mo for a 3 bedroom 2 bath house with a huge backyard and a huge 2 car heated garage..

I lived in the shadow of Chicago for a decade. Looking back I wonder wth were we thinking dealing with such a high cost of living.

Up here we have more houses then people to fill them
 
Amanita

Have you ever had any direct (personal) or indirect (someone else) experience with such a living arrangement?

Not as a polyamorous arrangement, but when I was living with my former partner, we had his brother living with us for a time, and then after he moved out, my future brother-in-law came to live with us for a while. Both instances worked out pretty well.

Indirect examples include an internet friend who lives happily in a polyamorous family home, and my cousins who have been house-sharing with friends for years because it's so damned expensive to live in London.

I have all kinds of daydreams about a large home for my poly family, in which we all have a little bit of space to ourselves alongside the communal areas. I think it will have to stay a daydream for a while though because it also includes a bit of forest, room for animals, and a garden with a vegie patch and an orchard. Right now, I think I can just about afford a big tent :p

Amanita
 
nycindie

I understand.

SchrodingersCat

I do agree with your point that fixing the house problem is more like treating the symptom rather than curing the disease; however, it is possible to treat a symptom and cure the disease simultaneously.

I am trying to do both. I am using my JD to work on making a difference that can actually impact the lives of those who have much less than the "haves". Additionally, since that takes lots of time and effort before changes can be made & reaped, I am doing what I can to alleviate those who could use some temporary medication.

I understand where you are coming from, but it is possible to do both, and I think addressing both the short term & the long term is the most effective way to solving such problems

Dagferi

Interesting; it is much different in California. I wish there were more houses than there were people. It is just difficult, expensive.

Amanita

Haha, your daydreams sounds nice =)... Maybe my daydreams will intertwine with yours and we will meet in the communal forest with both of our poly families!
 
I am a great believer in a more communal style of living in general and I am grateful for a gradual moving away of traditional nuclear family units because they are just SO inefficient and I think a lot of people do better with more support around.


Buuuuut (and it is a big one) we have lost the ability to live well with others to a large degree, situations like people talking advantage, being inconsiderate and not pulling their weight, is bound to create friction and drama. Some parents don't allow their adult children to be adults, some families bully and negatively influence and sometimes people are not allow to emotionally develop into the people they are capable of being.

I am a very tribal person but I admit living with my mother would be more form of hell.

Which is why I prefer the idea(ideal) of expansive,intentional family, people you love and care for (not necessarily all romantic of course) rather than people who are entirely an accident of birth. Deciding to go into something together and commit to it means the responsibility is on you all to make the concessions needed to live in harmony.
 
I am a great believer in a more communal style of living in general and I am grateful for a gradual moving away of traditional nuclear family units because they are just SO inefficient and I think a lot of people do better with more support around.


Buuuuut (and it is a big one) we have lost the ability to live well with others to a large degree, situations like people talking advantage, being inconsiderate and not pulling their weight, is bound to create friction and drama. Some parents don't allow their adult children to be adults, some families bully and negatively influence and sometimes people are not allow to emotionally develop into the people they are capable of being.

I am a very tribal person but I admit living with my mother would be more form of hell.

Which is why I prefer the idea(ideal) of expansive,intentional family, people you love and care for (not necessarily all romantic of course) rather than people who are entirely an accident of birth. Deciding to go into something together and commit to it means the responsibility is on you all to make the concessions needed to live in harmony.

Amen, well-said.

I think a lot of it situation-dependent. Cohabitation is not for everyone, but it does work for some people and they should encouraged to do so.

Haha, but maybe we will not encourage those with a desire to live in a communal setting to live with their mothers.
 
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