Mono wiring vs. poly wiring

Communication is a two way street, and the responsibility relies with both the sender and the receiver. The sender may have to revise the expression for the sender to understand the true meaning. The receiver has to feedback to the sender to make sure they actually understand what is being said. BOTH have to be listening....and BOTH are responsible.
Wow, think I used that same basic concept in a paragraph on another thread earlier today. ;)
I just read it on yours-and I still like it!:eek:
 
Imaginary I'm secretly in love with you :D
SHHHHHH! Mono might hear....and then he'll be jumping all over me...and not in the good happy way that you might enjoy! :p

Part of that sounds vaguely familiar though...
Do I have to fall in love with you too? (just kidding)
Now...why would you need to be kidding about that...in a poly forum?

Imaginary-I love you. You are awesome.
<snip>
Thank you for doing a hell of a good job!!!!
I'd be lieing if I said I could get tired of hearing positive reinforcement such as this. Thank-you, thank-you...I was here all week! :cool:

Wow, think I used that same basic concept in a paragraph on another thread earlier today.
I just read it on yours-and I still like it!
I saw that. Nicely put. I'm thinking the other thread will be a better place to carry on that particular aspect, since I don't think it is as charged as this one.
 
Now...why would you need to be kidding about that...in a poly forum?

giggle! Wouldn't necessarily! Actually told someone else that they need to get on here so they can fall in love with you too!

I'd be lieing if I said I could get tired of hearing positive reinforcement such as this. Thank-you, thank-you...I was here all week! :cool:
We'll try to keep up with your need for positive reinforcement. :)


I saw that. Nicely put. I'm thinking the other thread will be a better place to carry on that particular aspect, since I don't think it is as charged as this one.

Thank you, and I agree.
 
Shareseze?! How do you spell that anyway?
You and LR might be able to...I don't think Mono would...
I'm going to get in sooooo much trouble.:confused:

giggle! Wouldn't necessarily! Actually told someone else that they need to get on here so they can fall in love with you too!
Too bad I wasn't this eloquent on dating sites...I might have a dating life to occupy my time instead of spamming this board with 10,000 character posts....I wonder if I should report myself! ;)
 
ImaginaryIllusion, I agree that communication is a two way street. For some reason, not agreeing that I was the only one responsible seems to translate into putting full responsibility on the other party. So be it. Suffice to say that we disagree on what constitutes a two way street in this case. Lest people decide to start accusing me again of beating a dead horse for simply responding to the same things that people continue to bring up over and over again, please refer to my previous posts for any issues that get brought up again.

To Mono,

I'm sorry that Mono feels the need to leave over this. I made no ad hominem attacks here. But even if he listed it as his opinion, I would still have to take it to task because while such reasonings might work well for him in sustaining his opinion, they unintentionally marginalize and as consequence hurt a whole lot of other people in the process and I can't stand by without trying to raise awareness of that.

I'm sure it was never Mono's intention to hurt people in such a way as it was never my intention to hurt Mono in such a way.

To everyone else. I will endeavor to do what I can to prevent such breakdowns in the future and I would certainly hope that others would do the same.

If anyone has anything else they feel I need to answer for or need to apologize for, feel free to PM me and I'd be happy to discuss it.
 
why didn't anybody say

that whether or not a person is poly or mono ((because some people think there really isn't any difference, if you can understand how you can love anybody in any sort of way (friend, sibling, relative, your children) in addition to your spouse = the difference between mono and poly about yourself is all in your head))

so why didn't anybody say it doesn't matter whether you are poly or mono, if you are human, it takes constantly practicing being honest with yourself, to be honest with yourself. So even if you are the one thinking about sex with others, humans have a tendency to take any book about sex with others as a threat, but typically only if it is their bf/gf/spouse that gives them the book
 
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Personally, I don't believe it's a matter of being wired. In my belief its more a matter of social conditioning and the ability or inability to break away from the social norm.
 
Why do you find it so hard to believe that people like myself do not fall in (romantic) love with more than one person at the same time?

I wish people would stop conflating "wiring" (or "how I love others") with "preferred relationship style" (which can be based on social constructs). It's not just you, but it makes it quite aggravating to feel like I have to defend myself against a belief that I'm something I'm not. I'm *in* a Poly relationship. I'm already (evidently) thumbing my nose at convention. But I don't love that way.

Dammit... I fell for the necropost. But it's still, I suppose, a valid discussion. It's a discussion I need to have everytime someone tells me that monogamy is such an oppressive construct, when the word "monogamy" is used to encompass two different things entirely.
 
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You-
I think some people feel wired as one or another AND some people choose to live one way or another.
I don't think it is either or.

GG doesn't fall into romantic love with more than one at a time. But he loves me and accepts that means existing in a poly dynamic though he doesn't choose to have multiple partners, because he doesn't romantically love multiple people.

Maca had never considered it prior. But found out after the fact that he can romantically love more than one. But currently doesn't want to pursue it.

I have always loved more than one.

It shouldn't be a problem if you don't. ;) as long as you get your needs met, that is what matters. ;)

(and sometimes necroposts simply bring back good topics. Thats ok too)
 
You-
I think some people feel wired as one or another AND some people choose to live one way or another.
I don't think it is either or.

Oh, I agree - I just hate hearing statements that imply I don't know my own mind about something. I get bristly, especially when I'm already feeling cranky because I'm catching a cold (sorry for the grumbliness). I've considered it, which I realize is more than many mono folks do; it's just not something that's an innate part of me, and is actually something I would find difficult, if not impossible (and unfair to anyone else I tried to love) to pull off.

(and sometimes necroposts simply bring back good topics. Thats ok too)

And I agree here as well, which is why I said I figured it was still a valid discussion. :)

The two (love-style versus relationship-style) aren't mutually exclusive, although I figure if you're innately poly, a mono relationship is going to feel horrible, as your own love-style is getting squashed. My love-style isn't getting squashed in my relationship - I am loving P as I would in a mono relationship. I'm just in a relationship where convention is being tossed out the window, and yes, that's where the social stuff comes in.

The two are different, and someone saying that they doubt mono folks really exist brings me back to the point where I had to sit P down and tell him that yes, I really AM, to please stop trying to convert me, and just love me for who I am, dammit, since I'm affording him the same respect.
 
It is sad that anyone has to defend themselves or even feel the need to. Your personal feelings and beliefs are yours. :)
Being pretty new to this I am expressing my personal observations. Quite obviously I am wrong when it comes to some things, but I'm learning.

Youarehere, I am sorry, let me clarify what I meant.
Yes it is possible to love just one, or many. What I meant by the social norms is realizing that it is okay to love more then one and accepting that other do as well. We are taught from a young age that mono is the normal and anything else is wrong. Conditioned so to speak to conform to what is socially acceptable. Being socially conditioned is entirely different then being personally wired. Better?
Once again, my apologies.
 
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It is sad that anyone has to defend themselves or even feel the need to. Your personal feelings and beliefs are yours. :)
Being pretty new to this I am expressing my personal observations. Quite obviously I am wrong when it comes to some things, but I'm learning.

Youarehere, I am sorry, let me clarify what I meant.
Yes it is possible to love just one, or many. What I meant by the social norms is realizing that it is okay to love more then one and accepting that other do as well. We are taught from a guy young age that mono is the normal and anything else is wrong. Conditioned so to speak to confirm to what is socially acceptable. Being socially conditioned is entirely different then being personally wired. Better?
Once again, my apologies.

And you have my apologies in return for being bristly. I had a GREAT weekend, but a couple days camping in the cold, plus a rainy day with a leaky tent, and exposure to someone who had a cold made for the trifecta of YUCK. No excuse, but I didn't need to bite your head off.

Yes, we are brought up with a social default, and there aren't very many people who have their views challenged. Relationship models aren't the only things to get tested, and I am thankful that I moved around a bit as a kid, went to college in an urban setting, and got out and about. I know people who never left their home town, so I can definitely see how wiring and social conditioning can be pretty indestinguishable in that case.

Just not in all cases. :)

Thanks, EdmC. I appreciate your reply, and I hope you'll take my grouchiness with a grain of salt.
 
No apologies needed. I should have been more clear.
Great that you had fun camping, not so great about getting sick and a leaky tent.
 
justifying one way or the other is completely unnecessary

and when people begin to think that the only way to have any form of alternative relationships be acceptable is when it is not a choice, it's those framed thoughts that are problematic.

You can't force people to love or not love another person -- romantic love or not makes no difference -- while there are certainly people who allow such intrusions on their freedom, there will always be people whom you cannot make life so uncomfortable that they will choose to conform. There will always be people who will follow their heart, even if it leads to death.

Most problems arise from dishonesty to those you are involved with, but when you are able to honest about your emotions and your actions, there really is no need to justify your choice. Those who are concerned may always choose not to be involved with you and have no relationship, but it really is a mistake to feel like you need a good enough reason to love as you who you want to. There are certain aspects of life which it is OK to have a preference, you don't need any other reason then because it's what you want, and if another or others are willing to accept those terms, then it really doesn't matter.

Relationships are one of those aspects where knowledgeable adults have the freedom and liberty to have complete autonomy about the details of said relationships because it is completely up to only those who are involved.
 
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