Ms Kitty's Polyamory Blog

It does make sense and that's exactly it. We're confidant he'll be back, but we can't say when. He updated me that his first night in Florida went really well. That's awesome, but makes me worried!
 
Well, you know what they say... You've got to let them go, set them free :) I definitely think it was the best course of action in your situation.
 
Yes, "If you love someone, set them free." I told Joshua that and he said, "No, you should beat them, drag them back, and chain them in the basement." He was kidding, of course! ;) Thanks, Tonberry, you are a very pleasant person to talk to!

Joshua suggested we try dating in the meantime... I don't feel ready for anything serious, but I guess building connections doesn't hurt, right? I joined OKCupid and have been slowly adding to my profile and trying to include a lot about Joshua as well. I really can't imagine "replacing" M, but I'm trying to not think of it like that and just try to meet new people, even as friends.

I have had a little bit of texting contact with M lately, which is good. I guess for him to keep in touch at all right now, during the most exciting time of the move, is something to be appreciated. :)
 
Well, I sorta texted with M tonight. It was very broken, he had an interview (not fully sure the details as he transferred for work, so I think it was for a higher position) and told me he was cooking while his boyfriend, we'll call him JB, was playing piano (how lovely.... -___-#). I asked him if he'll text a bit tonight because I miss him and asked for a picture of him (as I realized I don't have one on my phone) and he said, "In a bit <3". I have not heard back...

Joshua will be without his phone for a little while. He's not training in the field like the infantry guys, but because they can't have their phones, NOBODY can. He isn't sure for how long, he called long enough to say it was being taken away. :(

I feel very lonely tonight...
 
I'm sorry you feel lonely :( I know how it can be as my husband works 18 hour shifts and my boyfriend is a long-distance relationship (and his shifts can be just as long).
I hope you find ways to keep busy, it usually helps me if I do things for them (whether it's chores and feels like I'm doing it partially for my husband, partially for me, or working on a gift for one of them, or planning out our future and projects, etc).

It's a bit harder for you I assume since Joshua is deployed and therefore not around (so chores probably feel less like they have anything to do with him) and your situation with M is "on hold" so projects are hard to make... But I hope you can find something that will work for you!
 
Thanks, Tonberry. :) You really are an awesome support right now.

You're right that the chores feel more "for me" right now and it's hard to do anything for M because of JB...

I'm actually getting to text with M this morning. I guess JB is at work, so M has some time (as he hasn't gone back to work himself yet). He said things are going great with JB and I've been honest with how I feel, telling him I'm happy and sad both. He said he does mean it when he said he loves us, he just wants to be with JB more right now and is hoping it will last. I'm starting to think it would be easier if JB were into poly relationships and we just try to all share. :p I don't think he would be, though, and I don't think M would even attempt to ask... And I don't know if M would want that.

So complicated...

Adding something a little positive... Although off-topic of relationships... I have been passively looking for a job, so by the time Joshua returns I am not still unemployed, and there is an opening at one of the video game stores, so I put an application in. :)
 
I am horrible at being on my own. :/ With M unable to talk much while around JB and Joshua without a phone, I feel so lonely... I miss my boys.

*EDIT: And I am getting sick of seeing the FB updates and comments between M and JB... YOU ARE RIGHT THERE WITHE EACH OTHER. That is all...
 
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So, I told my dad very basically that Joshua is bisexual and we have feelings for the same friend and are trying to make it a three-person thing. He said, "That's your personal life, Dear. You do what you feel is right." So that was good. :) We didn't talk more on it, but I just wanted him to be aware.
 
So, I told my dad very basically that Joshua is bisexual and we have feelings for the same friend and are trying to make it a three-person thing. He said, "That's your personal life, Dear. You do what you feel is right." So that was good. :) We didn't talk more on it, but I just wanted him to be aware.

It's great to see some people can be so accepting :)
 
Yes. I guess I didn't expect any less, but I still worried of disappointing him. :p It will be a while before I say anything to my mother and I don't know if Joshua will ever tell his family... They aren't accepting of most things in general.
 
Well, I got to talk to Joshua for a few minutes (thank you, pay-phone, for existing). I thought I posted that, but I guess not.

I got a text from M this afternoon, he just thought to say hi and told me he liked a drawing I sent him a pic of yesterday. :) I thought it was sweet, given I am usually the one to start our conversations lately.
 
Ha ha, Ragabash, it does seem so!

In general, I am very pleased with how welcoming everyone is here. Any forum where I can ask advice about my relationship, show off my tattoos, discuss masturbation, and learn more about others is pretty friggin' sweet. :p Ha ha...
 
So, M texted me a bit ago... I guess two days ago he put a new radiator in his car, but today his car died and he had to push it two miles to get it home. He's freaking because he's not sure how he'll get it fixed. I told him to look into buses, etc. I guess his work is sorta screwing him over, too, because they haven't told him when he can start yet.

I tried to be supportive and talk to him about it a bit. I guess I'm glad that he thought to text me in his time of need... Although there's nothing I can really do about it.
 
I haven't heard from Joshua since the other day. I really miss him. :(

I heard from M briefly today. I guess his car is still broken down and he still hasn't figured out what's wrong with it. I'm a bit worried what he'll do if he can't get it fixed, or even if he does, if his work ends up screwing him over. If he's going to come home, I'd rather it be for positive reasons, not because something forced him... And I am not even sure he considers coming back an option.
 
Okay, so I totally told my mom today. She commented on my Facebook about me being down and said I can call home if I want. I ended up catching her on Facebook IM, so this is the convo...

Me: Hey mom.

Me: Helloooooo.

Peggy: I'm in class right now. What's up.

Me: Well, you shouldn't be on Facebook then. I was just gonna tell you what's going on.

Peggy: I am kinda doing my work. It is work at your own pace so I can do what I want.

Me: Oooh. Well, you want me to tell you now or not then?

Peggy: Up to you.

Me: Okay... I guess I'll try to simplify it here, ha ha... So... My friend, M, moved like a week or so ago. He is now in Florida with his boyfriend, JB. I'm not the only one that thinks him moving was a bad idea, to say the least. Anyway, this friend is one that Joshua and I both really care about. I'm pretty sure I told you Joshua is bisexual? Well anyway, Joshua and I both had "more than friend" feelings for M and are down that he left... Look up "polyamory" sometime, it may make more sense. Basically, Joshua and I were sorta "dating" M, but then he moved to be with this guy.

Peggy: Well, maybe it will be better for your marrige in the long run. ?

Me: To not have M around?
Joshua and I have talked about it a lot and to cover questions, it's not an "open marriage," nor are we "swingers." We both had feelings for the same persona and were both involved with said person. Just saying.
(And I know some true swingers, not something I'd want! Ha ha)

Peggy: Maybe M has decided to become all the way gay and not be bisexual any more. He has to do what is best for him. He knows you and Josh have each other for support (even with Josh away right now).

Me: He was sorta seeing his boyfriend, JB, the whole time... It's complicated. M really is gay, but him and I have... History... So I've been the "exception." LOL. Trying to spare details, but basically I took his v-card a few years ago, so we're pretty close.
We just are upset that he moved to be with a guy he hadn't ever lived with before or anything. Right now he's having car issues from driving 25 hours down there and his work transfer is sorta not working out right.

Me: (Sorry to just throw it all out there. I told Dad, sorta, what's going on, too)

Peggy: Time will heal all the pain. You just have to be strong and supportive to your friend. If it doesn't work out for him, I am sure he will be back.

Me: Yeah, he already said he loves us, too, but wants to give this whole Florida experience a go and will be back if it doesn't work and then we can try this again. Just makes me sad that he's already having issues, relationship or not.
(And thanks for understanding)
By the way, you met M, the one with the piercings I used to live with. Ha ha.

Peggy: The one with the stockings on?

Me: No, that was Adam, he's crazy and we don't talk really anymore.
[LINK REMOVED]
That one.

Peggy: I don't remember him. He is the one who was helping you get rides to places and things?

Me: Uhm, he was one of them. I lived with him and Barron, Barron helped, too. I remember you got upset with M because I got piercings and you said it was his fault or something, ha ha. Not sure how serious you were.
Oh well, point is that's him.

Peggy: OK.

Me: So yeah, that's why I was feeling down last night and if you ever see me refer to "both" or something that doesn't really sound like a Joshua thing, that's why. Now you're in the loop. Other than Joshua not having his phone right now, we're great.

Peggy: I should probably get to work. Will chat with you again later. I will log onto facebook at home when I get the chance or you can call me after 2:30 if you want.

Me: Okay, talk then!

Also, my mom and I didn't really get along when I lived at home, nor immediately after I moved out, but over the past few years, we were able to rebuild a relationship. I am very happy that we're to the point that I can tell her this and she was understanding. :'D
 
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I'm not sure what to think of M today. That sounds negative, but it was actually a good morning. He texted me right away this morning and I replied when I got up. We chatted a bit and he was very flirty and when he had to leave (as JB was coming home and we still don't text much when he's there) he told me he loved me first, whereas I usually am the one to say it and sometimes I don't even get a reply (I assume because JB is there, usually). I was pleasantly surprised by his actions. :)

Still haven't heard from Joshua since the last call... :(
 
I was away for a week, catching up right now. It's great that you told your mom! I hope it all goes well, and she sounds supportive.
I hope things will go well for M, I agree that you wouldn't want him to be forced to go back, and potentially always wonder "what if", it needs to be a decision he makes on his own, not something he's forced to do.

I hope you'll hear from Joshua soon!
 
Thanks, Tonberry. :) I did hear from Joshua yesterday, he should have his phone back for good on Friday.

Joshua mentioned us dating other people instead of waiting for Mac to MAYBE come home, and I was against it at first... But sorta met someone. That situation is complicated in and of itself, but the point is there's potential for us to be with someone else. I haven't been able to tell Joshua much (due to lack of phone and a very brief conversation yesterday), but I am thinking/hoping he'll be happy to hear about it. :)
 
Good luck :) Gotta make the best of what life throws at you I guess.
 
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