Evrchanging's Blog About Loving Two

I just love reading your blog. You convey the richness of your life in your writing. :)

What a great complement. Thank you very much. :)
 
2 night and 1.25 days with lover

We went over to Lovers for load of water, and to drop me off at his place for a night of cuddling. The next morning I had a few errands to run. When we finally finished feeding his rabbits, and chasing the goats out of the fence they broke into we managed to get ready to go. Before we took off I called to see how it was going on her end. Woogie was teething badly. I told him Tylenol, frozen blueberries, and lots of cuddling. The Dew on the other hand was being great. The heat was bearing down on us when we finally left. The stores were cool. He took me out to lunch. I actually got an hour nap when I got home. I can't remember the last time I had a nap.

I started dinner for everyone. Peeled and had potatoes on for a kids delicacy: mashed potatoes. Gave Jewell a call as time was slipping by fast now. Jewell on the phone sounded tiered as hell. In the background were two very happy laughing kids. She didn't want to disrupt their cute little game. So we decided it would be best for me to spend another night. I was simi excited, but also very home sick to the point of Lover offering me a ride home. I almost said yes, but it was late, and I am sure by the time I arrived home everyone would be asleep.

We ate, and enjoyed a ball game on the radio. He kissed me with the joy and excitement of having me another night. I spooned Lover, and slept like a log myself. I heard the radio click on. Morning news filled the air like the smell of his morning cigarette. I wanted him bad once more before having to get out of bed. It wasn't had to lure him back in.

We got Jewell to come over for breakfast. Potato cakes, from the left over mashed tators, and a frittata. The frittata has become Lovers and I favorite morning breakfast food. I did the cooking as Jewell and Lover hung outside doing chores and talking.

From Jewell later on; She got Lover to almost admit how much he would miss me when I left. He was more honest then ever with his love for me. I am sure that there is more to their convo, but I am not too noisy.

At breakfast he sat closer to me, and let me drape my arm around him. As we were leaving he waited just until they were out of sight before planting a huge kiss on me, and squeezing me. I trailed his face before saying goodbye.

Now Jewell and I have fully adjusted to the shifts of me leaving. I do what I do when I leave and come back; be it town, mom, or Lover. I jump in the shower for a few moments. I did it when I was working as well. It is my way of getting 5min to reflect and shift energy. Jewell and I were strikingly on the same page about everything. We discussed the goats we are going to put up for sale, our building, the kids, the finances. Communication seemed to flow beautifully between us.
 
Change beatiful Change

Change is coming. I can feel it in the soft summer morning air. The spider I see as my totem and a symbol of change has been popping up scaring the daylights out of me. I cut my hair short. My mom is moving out. Lover is showing more of his deep love for me, exposing himself, for all to see. The blueprints of our cabin are complete. Jewell and I have figured the goats to sale. There are kittens and rabbits ready to sale as well. The garden harvest is coming in. My fall grant is on its way.

Change is coming. Slowly it is starting but I know it will snowball. It will be a few months of chaos. Building, and gathering wood for the winter rest. Me getting back into my school work and getting The Dew more deeply into hers. Fixing the goat barn. Batting down the farm, and making sure the vehicles are in great working order. Getting our years worth of hay here, and stored.

Also helping Lover with his winter preparations. There is no way he can load and unload all of his hay alone. He is also rebuilding his goat barn as well. We have Lamancha goats and their small ears make wind hard for them to handle. Winter for everyone here is hard.

This is a homesteading fall. Do it right, or you could be in serous trouble. Mother nature shows little mercy past November.
 
Sharing is usually caring. Not so much in this case. I think Lover gave me a cold. Just a slight one. The only thing that really irks me is the fact that I am so use to have a super immune system. This last year I have caught everything imaginable. Is my body not recuperated from the baby? Could it still be weak getting use to the high altitude? I don't know. I eat so healthy. Anyway enough ranting.

Today is a town day. Lover and I get to pick up The Dew who has spent a couple of nights there. It means no sexy time for us, yet a yummy dinner. Mom is leaving in just days. Jewell and I went to see them a few days earlier to help pack. Talk about two girls on their periods together. We picked at each other all day. It wasn't yelling or hurtful. We did buy us some ice cream.

Lovers new nickname that we have been calling him for days now, between Jewell and I, is The Man of The House. Its hilarious because it fits so well. Us four girls and one man how does he survive? :rolleyes:
 
Dry humping Jewell in my sleep most of the morning ,I think, led her to coming up with an excuse for me seeing Lover. I did call first giving him fair warning that I was coming over alone. Being as hot as it was he was already naked and laying in bed. Sex in the heat of the day was messier than ever. Warm bodied dripping with sweat. Nothing a cool shower didn't help. It was relaxing none the less.

Jewell, when I came home was with our newly found neighbors. A couple who had been together now 18 years. Old and weathered, yet still full of the feistiness I see in newborn kid goats. They have Oklahoma accidents that could rock you to sleep. The female I will call C is amazing. She likes my company, and talks my ear off. She has still a great touch with kids even though hers are all grown. J is the male counterpart and loves Jewells company. I think C is figuring out Jewell not being so uhm, manly.

We have been helping them set up their solar. He has been coming around with his tractor fixing our roads. We have almost meshed together already. Its amazing what you give and get with love. Lover is the same. A couple other neighbors all the same. We open our hearts and give and what we can, no matter how little we have. We give and though we don’t expect it, it still reciprocates and grows. It seems to be our karma. It is how we make it in the world. We spent years helping S fix up his property. Now we can go there when ever we want, or we can go to his land in Hawaii. Our new neighbor J is going to help us drill a well. Talk about being blessed. What a good karma we have.

Another odd karma we seem to carry is finding boyfriends to take care of us. Lover is the first one I have gotten sexual with. S had taken great care of us. Jewell has a whole slew of boyfriends, mainly just emotional, that he reciprocates love with. We are still calling Lover Man of the House. In a way he feels he must make up for the overly feminine household we have up here. It just makes us giggle.

Jewell last night had a good giggle over me. I know she has me figured out. Gee, why am I in the kitchen singing and making loads of good food? I do anyway, but why oh why was I in such a great mood? If I wasn't in my favorite too big tattered pink skirt, you might have been able to see me walk kinda funny.

Time to sign out. Woogie is going to strangle a kitten, and I need lunch.

(First time I spoke of S is in Wierdness on previous page)
 
The Man of the House got to spend the night with me and Woogie a few days ago. Long story short one bad event turned into an exhausted three of us, and a threating rain storm. With me and woogie at his place we decided it was best to stay. His first extended adventure with a toddler. We laid on the bed and let her maul us. He was pretty funny about us showing affection around her. We ended up in a quicky on the living room floor, after she dozed in bed.

She slept well as she usually does. Lover laughed as she snored loudly. I had a good giggle later in the night as she turned upside down and began kicking him in the face. He was very proud of himself surviving us. He brought up the one and only chance he had at a baby, as we drove to town, and due to many circumstances it was aborted. He glanced back at woogie and I could tell his mind was spinning. He wanted kids, the person never right. I feel good letting him help me raise ours. He has been around Woogie since she was three days old. He has been friends with us since I was 6 months pregnant. Now that I think about it we have been friends for over 2 years, and he has been my Lover for the last 8 months.

He has been calming me down quite a bit. I got an old alcoholic (friend?) on my land begging for money yesterday. I haven't heard word from mom in going on a week now. Her phone is disconnected. She could be anywhere, and she is with some one I don't know well. To throw me really hard I found out I wasn't getting my financial aid at all. No school for me this semester. No extra money to build. We have to ask for a loan from his parents who are not doing that well physically, to make it though this winter. Goats are headed to the auction this week. Wow, when change comes it sometimes hits hard. I know we are going to make it, we have to.
 
I need Lover. I ache for him. It feels like forever since I have spent one on one time with him, even though its been a week. I wanted to spend the night with him last night and was mildly hurt when he didn't give an answer, or seem receptive of my love . We went over for dinner and I really wanted to stay. Jewell was fine with it. Lover on the other hand just wasn't in the mood. I can’t blame him. He has been really busy lately. I have been going though some tough stuff and was needy for comfort.

Jewell was sweet knowing my disappointment, and my need. She dry humped me, and we spooned all night. She is the one that knows 100% of me. We have seen each other at our bests and at our worsts. Like I told her, "When I am with you I am home. I can burp, fart, and sing horrible opera. This is the place I am me to the core."

Never the less I still ache to feel lovers arms around me. I want a break from the kids. Woogie is so needy and demanding. I know one day she will grow out of my arms, but sometimes I just get tiered of her constantly crawling on me, getting in my way, crying, and just not giving me any personal space. Lover is pushing me to do a poetry book, and some children's books, but he doesn't have the constant demand. If he says no fun until something like that is done I will strangle him. I have bigger issues in my way right now. In winter great, perfect timing. Many people just don't understand this constant demand.
 
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The Hug!!

Lover grabbed Jewell or the other way around. Maybe both together. They slowly came together for a hug. Jewell grabbed me and pulled me in. I closed the circle wrapping my arm around Lover. We squeezed, and held each other. Energy flowing, breaths rising and falling, hearts beating together. No one wanted to let go. We held the moment as long as we could. My head resting .
on Lovers hand that was resting on Jewells shoulder. Muscles relaxed as we slowly let go. Even as our bodies parted we felt more connected with each other.
 
You description of the hug is so beautiful! :)
 
Mr. Popper's Penguins

We gathered around in March as a family and I read the original Mr. Poppers Penguin's by Richard and Florence Atwater. This was before I heard of the movie. Lovely little book. A poor family, that don’t live in New York. They live in Stillwater. Work ends for the Poppers in Sep. every year. They live off beans.

They are gifted a penguin by a friend. This little boy emperor penguin is named caption cook. It gets depressed so they manage to get another penguin from a zoo. Greta is her name. They have ten little penguins (Climate change or something led to a large nest.). The penguins were give wonderful names: Ferdinand, Nelson, Scott, Victoria, Jenny, Adelina, Magellan, Louisa, Columbus, Isabella.

They work together training these penguins. They work everyday together as a family bundled up in the basement. There is a small pot of beans and a whole lot of love. They get the break and do a large tour across America. Read the rest if you want the ending. :)

The movie on the other hand was just depressing. Yea, parts of it are funny as heck. The Dew knows the full difference between book and movie. She has been driving me nutts asking why its not the same. I told her they just didn't read the book. Which was true. There is no correlation between book and movie.

Is it just out of fashion that a momma and poppa hang together. That the family bonds through just about anything. Be it Poppa show off a penguin or his new bra. Whether it be momma pounding on the keys of her piano in gloves (training the penguins), or finding an alternative sexual route to avoid scratching eyes out. Can the kids be raised without the hatred they are taught to gain now at such a young age.

Can we not show a poor family on the screen? Are you just not "it" if you don't have large apartments in New York, and an assistant? Are you out of vogue if you do not have alternative weekends for your children? Do we really need to see another family split, a snooty teenager, an all about the firm daddy? Is our mainstream culture stagnating?

What is that doing to our language? Language is so important to the human species that many philosophers argue that a deterioration of language is a deterioration of ourselves. Is it just one too many years I have spent in sociology and humanities?

The Dew has demanded a reread of the book. She had me print out penguins and I for once didn't have to help her past them on construction paper and cut them out. I did write all their names on their bellies. I also glued on small pretty flowers for the girls, and a special star on the leader.
 
Life still hasn't got any easier

Jewell and cat-fight. We have been doing it way too much. Something I can understand, but we still need to work through it. We got into it so bad that I hardly spoke to her all day, and slept on the farthest corner of the bed last night. We worked through it by morning. I took Dew to get ice cream and pulled over on the dirt roads to pick her different colored flowers.

I seen her weep like never before. This morning she got a call from his ex. She has almost and still may lose her oldest son by a car accident. That is kinda why I left. To give her space to make calls, and deal with another hand that life has given us. When she gets back from the neighbors we are going to have a relaxing girly time. We will take a shower together, and I will do her nails, and fix her hair.

Later on we will go over to Lovers. I will probably help make dinner with him while she relaxes in her favorite chair. I will spend the night. I was almost going to scrap it on account of Jewell's new found news. I have to get the wood to start on this building project.

Tomorrow morning I will get dragged out of bed early and head three hours away for a bigger city with cheaper prices. Lover also has to deal with a bank we don't have here. Our closest town is very small.

I am excited to splurge a little on The Dews belated birthday party. My little princess turned 7 on the 16th of Aug. 7 years, I can't believe it! I only had a 3 and a 1/2 hour labor, barley making it to the birthing center. I didn't make it with Woogie, but that is a different post I will share around Thanksgiving.
 
Meeting the wife and the boyfriend as they are….

Jewell went over to the neighbors last night while I was spending time getting tippsy with Lover. She came over in her favorite tee shirt dress, and light purple nails. J was one to ask "whattcha wearing that for." She says its just her. Jewell talked about why I wasn't there at 7pm that night after The Dew stated just where I was leaving their mouths open. They wanted to meet the other part of the family. Lover wanted to meet our new found friends. We set up a time that morning.

Lover gloated silently that he was going to be introduced as my boyfriend, as an essential part of the family. He entered on their homemade road and found a parking spot. There they all where sitting around the porch, as the sun began to beat it noon day heat down. Jewell and J. C, The Dew, and Woogie.

J and Lover hit it off. They talked about guns and shot a couple, safely away. Jewell flowed between C and I's convo, and J and Lovers. Carla nudged me as soon as I sat on the red and white cooler next to her. She whispered in her Oklahoma accent. "So, you know Jewell came over yesterday. She was all momma-ed out in her dress. She looked so cute with them little girls." We giggled. She told me of a great friend she had that was MtoF.

It was so amazing having all these people we love. No big secrets. We are what we are and we give no false fronts, except for the safety of the unknown. Lover and J now buddies sat together. C, and I, and Jewell sat in the other half of the circle. Woogie sat on C's lap first almost hurting my feelings. Then she moved to mine. Then she moved to Lover. Then off to Jewell. Around and around she went.
 
Good communication

How are you feeling?
How was your day?
Do you want any cream or sugar in your coffee.
That doesn't bother me.
I don't feel comfortable with that.
I am insecure and I need you.
I need space.
Why do you think you feel that way?
I think that is a great idea. What do you think?
Can I/we come over?
Please, stop tugging on the goods.
What should we have for breakfast?
Say it like you mean it.
Good Job.
Lets try this.
That’s an odd statement. Let me wrap my brain around it.
That feels really good.
Yikes, pause, I got a cramp in my leg.
Hey your way too deep, slow down sweety.
I'm afraid.
I'm stressing out.
I need a break.
I need a hand.
I need a hug.
Do you need help?
I strongly suggest you not stick your finger in that.
I want you.
I love you.
 
I forgot on the last post one of the most magical words: Please and Thank You.

I owe Lover a Thank you. I spent two days with him Sunday, and Monday nights. We went to the big city got wood for my house, and took care of a few things for him. We got champagne and had a fun time. Then two days at home. Playing with the kids and prepping the building and the place we store the hay. Then Thursday, and Friday nights with him again. I took time to help him work on his wintering preparations. I started my menses so I was happy to relax without being monstered. On Saturday all of us went and loaded hay. After a hundred bales were thrown on the trailer we all exhausted.

Lover asked at the last moment if he could babysit The Dew for the night, giving me and Jewell time alone. Who could say no to that. Jewell and I needed to run into town anyway and take care of a awful mess a cashier made with one of my purchases.

We ran into a friend in town. We met his roommate. He is a cute gay guy. Jewell and him, I would say, had to have hit it off. Seriously, I think they would make a cute couple. Our friend was a little shocked when she asked if he was single, without roommate there.

It shocked me too, but she has been more honest and open about his feelings toward guys. She was telling me she has actually been in a relationship with a guy, and was even honest enough to tell me (without The Dew there) that vaginas just creep her the hell out, they really always have, but it has just gotten a whole lot worse.

I have really come to understand that in the last year. At first I was really naive, and as she changed more I began taking it personally. After being with Lover I am like holy cows that’s sex, that’s someone that enjoys all of me. He even likes my private parts and will play with them, look at them, taste them.

In a way it still bums me out a bit. The last time Jewell and I had sex was sometime in February. Not kidding!! I give Jewell all kinds of love and touching but she doesn't want to reciprocate except for cuddling. If cuddling is her thing fine, I don't want her doing something she is uncomfortable with. Jewell just doesn't work anymore. I can tell she has been through it herself dealing, but I think it has come to a relief to her. No more of that pressure to preform. Her "natural parts" down yonder have never been her cup of tea. Its always her breasts and body.

Anyway, I was glad The Dew didn't come with. It took us an hour to straighten the mess. By the time we got home it was well after 9pm. I called Lover who was almost whispering on the other line. He had himself a great time reading and cuddling. Now she was asleep in my favorite spot.

I wondered what she thought as she caught us earlier that day cuddled together for a quick nap. All clothes on for the possibility of being caught was very high. Before we dozed Lover asked what should we do if she caught us. I giggled and told him it was okay. So I heard her pop open the door an hour later. I pulled myself from the rest and looked up. She smiled. I thought was going to pounce on us, but she never did. So I got up, which means I have to roll over Lover. She gave me a hug and told of how she missed me.

Now Lover had The Dew and was really enjoying having a kid he never had. He spent the morning with chatter box, having her help with chores. Mind you by the time I came over that Sunday he was glad to see I brought a six pack of beer, among relief. We talked over the local brews about winter plans, the upcoming goat auction, and the daunting task of gathering another 200 hay bales for our farm alone. Lover probably needs at least 200 for his year.

So much to do. I was so thankful that Lover gave us that night. We worked though some things. We share communication on all levels. For us to spend two hours going back and forth on a monthly budget is not a big deal. Once we are square it becomes my responsibility to keep us on track. Other than that we drank too much and laid in bed talking. She is still dealing with past family issues. She went through all her relationships with me. We talked about her oldest boy. She wanted to know a little bit more about Lover and I. I let her in on a thing or two, but I am very private. Odd me being privet with the person that watched me give birth. The person that I can pick my nose in front of.

Fall is coming. We can feel it now. In the morning everyone grabs thin warm coats. I need to rearrange things and find our winter gear. I will probably give The Dew 2 weeks off of school so I can build and get my ducks in order. She needs a break anyway. I am so glad I got the boot out of my school. Balancing two relationships, two kids, all the goats, dogs, cats, rabbits, the house, Jewells transitioning, and all the other crap I deal with Yikes! I still need 5 min to myself. I am the hinge, I am the heart beat of this family. If I am not balanced, everything may topple. A hurray, because when this is done I will be able to recreationally read and knit and maybe even sew again all winter long in my new warm cabin.
 
Snap Day

I was thinking about some of the things I wrote and I stewed on them most of the day. When one thinks about it the last time Jewell has even seen my parts up close and personal would be around feb. Not that she would ever touch them. Holy balls. I know how to get her off and I still have. But its all her, ALL her. 7 MONTHS since the last time she touched me passionately. We don't make out. The last time she stuck her tongue in my mouth it was when she was half drunk, and it seemed forced on both our ends. That is something heavy I just hadn't wanted to think about. I love her and almost begged for months that she learn how to touch me. I can completely get off without penetration. No, she doesn't want to go there at all! It hurts. I am dealing with her calling me sister. Sometimes I like it, I feel proud. Other times I snap, and it just drives me to tears. I think I have had a snap day today. I have been cleaning, organizing, wiping away tears, and biting off heads.
 
Say it like it is

I am insecure and moody. When I came back from Lovers today Jewell and the kids were not there. I was spinning stories about how she doesn’t love me anymore. I have done that before. I finally admitted it as we were snuggled together that night. She though it might just be the void of us not having sex that causes more need for "I love you's", and that insecurity. She was saying that she felt that we were slightly growing apart. I remarked that I had "grown up" in the last 2 years and that I just wasn't her tail anymore. I was into doing my own projects, and being more of my own person.

She asked me earlier that day when I got home after spending the morning and most of the afternoon at Lovers if I had done the project I said I was. I thought about it a second knowing very well that lying would have been easy enough. Instead I just told the truth. No, for once we didn't get to the project.

I flashed in my mind about putting on my boots after Lover and I had sex. It was hard to get them on and finally I gave up and we went and laid down for a nap. I lost another dog the previous night and spent most of the morning crying; alone. I have such a hard time showing any emotion in front of anyone. Anyway for once we didn't do anything except lay around the house. Seriously for once.

Jewell looked at me shocked, and then giggled. I think she was thankful I could still be honest. Sometimes its hard but lying quickly becomes harder. I was able to talk to Lover on the phone today about some important issues bothering me, and get his input on some things. I don't do that often, but I really need some one to talk to and some things have been pondering, and worrying about for too long.

"Say it like it is" is a motto I have been getting Jewell into. She can play games and snide the truth. Just say it like it is, how you feel, what you think.
 
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I decided to take everyone to town. It was our big food shopping day. I told Lover it would be he and I going. Then Jewell wanted to go. I don’t blame her. It was a cold rainy day. So, we all went once everyone had their farm chores done. I love having everyone together! To hold both their hands is spoiling. It was quite a scene with everyone in the store. What appeared to be two older men following me around with two little kids. :rolleyes:

Lover had fun with Woogie. He took it on himself to pull her out of the car seat, and proudly carry her in. Then he would tickle and play with her. She is the quietest baby. So many people have told me so. I completely buried The Dew in the shopping cart. All you could see was her face to breath.

Jewell was surprised he came just to hang with us, and not get anything himself. Lover is lonely. He sits at home with his cigarettes and radio. He doesn't want to get out. He doesn't want another "heavy relationship". His reasoning are simple. He has been hurt too many times. I don't know how I ever got inside. I know I am deep: very, very deep.

I came over yesterday in my "fat pants" as the sun set to return his truck and spend the night. He was an absolute little boy. I had never seen him so open and venerable. I showered while his game finished on the radio. I walked around the house naked until I had full attention.

We had a session that lasted forever. I am still sore. I was working on being more vocal. I have been really shy. Not that I want to sound like a porn star, or scare away the coyotes. The more I was able to vocalize and open up the more he did the same. It was really great experiencing us both really baring all.

After that we stayed up late into the night fully engrossed in on of our favorite hobbies: cooking. It was a really fun night. I could hardly pull myself away that morning, after breakfast of course. He held me tightly for a long time . He gave me a passionate kiss, and finally let me go.
 
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"Hardest Of Hearts"

There is love in your body but you can't hold it in
It pours from your eyes and spills from your skin
Tenderest touch leaves the darkest of marks
And the kindest of kisses break the hardest of hearts

--Florence and The Machine
 
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