Hi all!
So I apologize ahead of time if this is lengthy, I don't really know how to explain this so just bare with me.
Ok here is my dilemma, to start off, my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and it's been great! We identify as poly amorous and so far it has been good too. We'll for the last year it has just been him and I, we have recently come a cross a heap of girls that are 8 there's ted in joining us! I am excited about this and so is he...obviously lol! So what's the problem? Well last night we got into the conversation of how most people can't handle the open lifestyle because they want to be number 1...I don't see a problem with wanting to be number 1 as long as you are not constantly looking for reasons to prove why you are not number 1 at the moment. I feel that can be very destructive. So then it became a debate and he said " well if you are not losing anything but the other person is getting more. Than it shouldn't matter because if you were perfectly happy with what you were getting and it doesn't change ...it shouldn't make you unhappy that the other person is getting more" I can agree with that ...but I'm not talking about getting more time or attention or sex or whatever ...I'm talking about care and love...things that you really can't measure... so now I'm upset and I'm trying to explain to him why so I say "well I would not be happy if say I'm your favorite person and then all of a sudden you favor the other over me...I would consider that as losing something" he doesn't understand and says" so you wouldn't be happy for your partner if they found more joy in someone else" ....boy was that a smack in the face! ....so I tried to counter and say" how could you be happy knowing that your partner is not happy that she lost you a little" so know we are at a stand still. We went to bed last night with me barely speaking to him and him trying to figure out why I'm upset. And now we are still not really speaking. I need help I want to explain to him why I'm upset and I really don't know how. I feel bad. I feel like he feels that I am punishing him. Also I now feel like I need to put a wall up and pull back from him to protect myself. I feel like I need to not love him as much as I do for fear of getting hurt. What's worse, I feel like im wrong in this whole debate we had..I don't understand and I'm going crazy. Please help me!
So I apologize ahead of time if this is lengthy, I don't really know how to explain this so just bare with me.
Ok here is my dilemma, to start off, my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and it's been great! We identify as poly amorous and so far it has been good too. We'll for the last year it has just been him and I, we have recently come a cross a heap of girls that are 8 there's ted in joining us! I am excited about this and so is he...obviously lol! So what's the problem? Well last night we got into the conversation of how most people can't handle the open lifestyle because they want to be number 1...I don't see a problem with wanting to be number 1 as long as you are not constantly looking for reasons to prove why you are not number 1 at the moment. I feel that can be very destructive. So then it became a debate and he said " well if you are not losing anything but the other person is getting more. Than it shouldn't matter because if you were perfectly happy with what you were getting and it doesn't change ...it shouldn't make you unhappy that the other person is getting more" I can agree with that ...but I'm not talking about getting more time or attention or sex or whatever ...I'm talking about care and love...things that you really can't measure... so now I'm upset and I'm trying to explain to him why so I say "well I would not be happy if say I'm your favorite person and then all of a sudden you favor the other over me...I would consider that as losing something" he doesn't understand and says" so you wouldn't be happy for your partner if they found more joy in someone else" ....boy was that a smack in the face! ....so I tried to counter and say" how could you be happy knowing that your partner is not happy that she lost you a little" so know we are at a stand still. We went to bed last night with me barely speaking to him and him trying to figure out why I'm upset. And now we are still not really speaking. I need help I want to explain to him why I'm upset and I really don't know how. I feel bad. I feel like he feels that I am punishing him. Also I now feel like I need to put a wall up and pull back from him to protect myself. I feel like I need to not love him as much as I do for fear of getting hurt. What's worse, I feel like im wrong in this whole debate we had..I don't understand and I'm going crazy. Please help me!