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Old 08-16-2010, 05:07 PM
jkelly jkelly is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 168

Originally Posted by Phisch View Post
I brought up the idea of polyamory fairly early. I wasn't really interested in her being with other men but felt since I wanted to be with another woman/women on occasion
It sounds from this that what you're looking for is a classic open relationship. You may confuse people if you identify as polyamorous, which is generally understood to be about having multiple ongoing romantic relationships, as opposed to being with other sexual partners "on occasion".

Originally Posted by Phisch View Post
Is it really fair for me to try to be who I am and ask her to share me when I am not OK with her being with another man? Is this counter-intuitive to the ideas of polyamory? Do others live by these rules or feel the same way? It feels selfish of me to lay down that rule but I would rather not be with others that to share her with another man.
I think you get to ask for whatever you want, including "I want to be non-monogamous but want you to be monogamous." That arragement is... probably not going to sound very appealing to most people. But maybe it will work great for the two of you! And if she doesn't like the sound of it, you already know that you'd rather be monogamous than have an equally open relationship, so there's no issue there, either.

As an aside, I would say that yes, your relationship preferences do run counter to the relationship ideas of many poly- people, but I don't think that matters in any real way.
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