Poly Vignettes: Sharing Success & Happiness

Yesterday Redpepper met the closest thing to my family (besides my ex wife and daughter) who are actively in my life. They are dear lifelong friends of my ex-wife's and mine. This posed an interesting situation of not wanting to put anyone in an uncomfortable position or feeling they were hurting/betraying friendships of anyone. This was also important because it was the introduction of two worlds for me, two I want and consider chosen family.

I don't let many people into my life, and women even less. Those I do let in have a tendency to be strong and have presence. My friend T is no exception. Seeing her and Redpepper face-to-face was a bit nervewracking. T is also a lioness and doesn't hold back in her bluntness. She is fiercely protective of her family and those she cares about, including my ex-wife, daughter and me. She knows Redpepper is not the reason I screwed up my marriage though, and made it her business to learn everything she could about polyamory and is trying not to judge.

This was a good meeting, for sure. T told me I looked terrified. She hugged me on the way out of their home and told me I had no reason to be nervous.

I'm glad Redpepper and her husband finally got to meet them and their kids. Another step forward in a future I definitely want to share with all of them!
 
Great news! As some of you may have heard, Redpepper's mom basically had a medical appointment made for Redpepper's son, out of concern for his welfare. She wondered if I was abusing him and if our relationship dynamic was causing physiological issues. Well, the doc not only said he is perfectly fine, but also sort of congratulated all three of us in how we are handling our relationship in a healthy way! He was apparently pretty openminded. Redpepper's husband called me right after the appointment to give me the good news. I'm sure Redpepper will have more to say on this issue. Woohooo!!

Take care,
Mono :)
 
Woohoo! Congrats on that win. I hope it continues to get better and that maybe her mom will now see that things are fine. :)
 
Awesome. My family has issues surrounding my situation and my son, and they don't even know about Anne yet, lol. :rolleyes: More and more good news for you guys. May the trend continue, unending! :)
 
Thanks, V and HMA! I'm feeling very positive, more than I have in a while. This is so possible for anyone who digs in, puts their shoulder to the wind and just pushes forward. :)

Love and peace,
Mono
 
YAY!! that's so great!! Hopefully Mom will get the hint now and realize it's not hurting anyone
 
I'm so happy things went well at the dr. While I'm not dealing w/ this problem, I have a huge smile on my face, just reading this. :D Your family is really amazingly uplifting, in the way you just live your life, and to hell w/all who don't get it.
 
Hooray! :D Mono, that is good news indeed! I hope it will encourage Red's mom to see the problem doesn't lie with you, or y'all, but with her.

Score one for the white hats! :D
 
I was once called into a team meeting about a child at a school I was teaching at. Basically, all of us teachers were grilled about trying to spot any abnormal behavior in him (he was a second grader, about 7 years old). The child has divorced parents, with the mother having primary custody. Both of them were present in the meeting. The tension was palpable.

I found it surprising, because this was one of the "cool kids." He was not only really well-adjusted, but had a fantastic laidback attitude that made lots of different kinds of kids want to hang out with him, which was interesting because he was also clearly one of those "off the beaten path"-type kids. He was not a social power broker or mean in any sense, but just one of those awesome kids that didn't feel the need to follow the mainstream.

In the meeting, we all agreed that he was very well-adjusted and had no emerging issues that we could see. In fact, some of us (myself included) mentioned that he was remarkably mature and centered for a seven-year old. The father was angry about this. I found out some weeks later that the meeting was about a custody dispute. The father was trying to retain full custody of the boy because the mother was poly and her OSO had just moved in with her and her new fiance (I found out later that there were a couple of other loves branched off from this V, as well). He was trying to gather some evidence that this was damaging to his son and had been trash-picking for issues at school for weeks, which is why the guidance counselor finally called a meeting about it. (I think she was getting tired of his constant badgering of her.)

This was a topic of teacher breakroom conversation, for a bit. I was surprised to see that even the more traditional frosted-hair teachers that I had little in common with were saying things like "Look, it's not our business what happens at home, as long as the kid is well-adjusted."

Some time after that, I started giving her son piano lessons at their house and it was really awesome to see their house as a wonderful positive place of affection and openness. It's no wonder this kid was so cool.

I guess my point is that most professionals who work with kids are going to look at it from the kid's welfare point of view. And when you work hard to build a loving trusting home full of open communication and affection, it can't help but have a hugely positive effect on the child. That just can't be denied.
 
Now that the whole "abuse" issue has been put to rest, Redpepper and I are refocusing on us being healthy and happy in our love. I met her today during my lunch and had a wonderful talk. We are so tired of the ripple effect that this has had, that we've consciously agreed we to stop questioning the answers we already know. We reaffirmed that we are happy, fulfilled, and true to ourselves. Our love is never in question.

I felt a weight lifting, and could see it in her eyes, as well. Working on relationships is great. Labouring all day and night is not.

It feels good to be back!
 
Slight hijack.

Ceoli-that is awesome!

I'm lucky to have never dealt with that issue before with my kids. I hope I never do. My parents know I am poly. I have wondered for years when it was going to just BE the reality of my marriage, or if my marriage would dissolve first, and see no issue with it in regards to the kids. But most people I know, they don't feel the same.

Mono, congrats again.

Maca's ex made some serious accusations against me after we married and it sucked. I love Maca, I love his son. I hated having my name defiled with her accusations (in court, no less). I'm glad you have gotten the air cleared, so to speak. That always feels good.
 
And when you work hard to build a loving trusting home full of open communication and affection, it can't help but have a hugely positive effect on the child. That just can't be denied.

This is a great comment, Ceoli! Thanks for sharing this story. It's good to hear positive affirmations based on real experiences. Take care.
 
WOW, what a weekend! Redpepper's husband was away, enjoying a weekend of pursuing a hobby of his, and I ended up spending almost all of the weekend with her and their son. We filled the weekend with lots of activities and had several great discussions.

There was a part of me that felt somewhat opportunist, in that I got so much time with them in her husband's absence. I then thought about how I feel when she is with him. I feel like she is safe, taken care of, helped, and not alone. I think that my presence with her makes him feel the same way and, in effect, may dampen any concerns about being away for the weekend doing something he enjoys so much. This makes me feel like a positive in both their lives. It is one of the advantages of poly relationships, for sure. Her son seems to have enjoyed our time together and I am always eager to spend time with her and him.

One of our discussions involved how we display commitment, which brought to light surprisingly new insights into why we act certain ways within our relationship and towards our friends. We understand each other more in this area. Redpepper started a thread prompted by this discussion and an earlier talk with her husband. http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=976

To top off the weekend, after going home, I went for a ride in the early evening and decided to swing by a favourite spot of Redpepper's to leave her a note. It is on the ocean and when I went to the place where I usually write her notes, I looked on the rocks below me and there she was looking up at me. :) She was out for her evening run and just happened to be there in that moment. Could there be any more signs of how destined this is for us?

Peace and love,
A very happy Mono
 
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To top off the weekend, after going home I went for a ride in the early evening and decided to swing by a favourite spot of Redpepper's to leave her a note. It is on the ocean and when I went to the place where I usually write her notes, I looked on the rocks below me and there she was looking up at me. :) She was out for her evening run and just happened to be there in that moment. Could there be any more signs of how destined this is for us?

That is too cool!
 
So here I am babysitting, while Redpepper and her husband attend a parenting course. I had a great birthday with my chosen family! Redpepper and I took the day off from work, which meant we could spend a relaxing morning together, which is always a very special treat! She took me out for brunch by the ocean and then we all got together for a b-day supper, which they treated me to.

They really have invested a lot of love and caring into this vanilla cracker. I only hope I give back half of what they give me. :) I love them all and am trying to be the best chosen family and secondary Redpepper could have. I had to throw in the "secondary" comment. :rolleyes:

Peace and love,
Mono
 
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