BelleInconnue
New member
Hi folks,
I've been feeling so confused lately about things. I love my married boyfriend and really like and get along with his wife and kids, but I have been feeling uneasy lately. I live about an hour away at this time from them but plan on moving closer as soon as I can, probably within the next 6 months (I have a work contract I need to fulfill first). I am uneasy because it seems the more my feelings and love have grown for my boyfriend, the more I desire to spend time and share my life with him in a more traditional way, but I know that this is not what this arrangement will ever be about--we are in the closet to everyone except a couple of close relatives, but all of our parents are clueless and especially their 2 sets of parents will not know about us due to the possibility of issues with the 2 children. Part of my is fine with the fact that we will never live together, at least while the parents are alive and the kids are grown up (they are both under 10), but the other part of me is sad that I can't be part of a more traditional family structure with him or even them. My emotions change so much--one day I'm fine with things as they are and as I'm very independent, I can see it as having the best of both worlds to be able to live in my own place and have my own independence yet see him several times a week. The other part of me, however, feels sad that he already has the family life with his wife and kids and they are together doing things every weekend, going on trips together, interacting with relatives at family functions, going out with other couples and their kids, etc., and I don't get to ever have that with him because I'm the "secret". That part really sucks. I know polyamory is not for the faint of heart and I do consider myself fairly independent and strive to look for my happiness from within myself and not make it dependent on others. However, I can't help feeling...dare I say...envious of his wife for getting to have all that with him (which of course she rightly should and I would NEVER try to change) and that I am the "secondary on the side", even though he says he doesn't think of me that way. I admit I do miss the relative straightforwardness and lack of complication of monogamy (of course there are other issues in monogamy), but I love him dearly and have never had more in common with anyone or connected with anyone like I do with him, and his wife and his children and I get along so well. I'm also well aware that once I move closer to him and we spend more time together, it might make it more real to his wife and things could change as far as she feels about this situation too once it is more "in her face" on a regular basis. I'm just so confused--I am taking it one day at a time because my feelings go back and forth so much and I don't want to make any rash decisions, and I guess I will just continue on with my plans...I don't think I will know if polyamory is for me until I live closer to them and we have more time together to see how I feel then, but it just stinks feeling like this. Thanks for providing this forum to vent--I just needed it!
I've been feeling so confused lately about things. I love my married boyfriend and really like and get along with his wife and kids, but I have been feeling uneasy lately. I live about an hour away at this time from them but plan on moving closer as soon as I can, probably within the next 6 months (I have a work contract I need to fulfill first). I am uneasy because it seems the more my feelings and love have grown for my boyfriend, the more I desire to spend time and share my life with him in a more traditional way, but I know that this is not what this arrangement will ever be about--we are in the closet to everyone except a couple of close relatives, but all of our parents are clueless and especially their 2 sets of parents will not know about us due to the possibility of issues with the 2 children. Part of my is fine with the fact that we will never live together, at least while the parents are alive and the kids are grown up (they are both under 10), but the other part of me is sad that I can't be part of a more traditional family structure with him or even them. My emotions change so much--one day I'm fine with things as they are and as I'm very independent, I can see it as having the best of both worlds to be able to live in my own place and have my own independence yet see him several times a week. The other part of me, however, feels sad that he already has the family life with his wife and kids and they are together doing things every weekend, going on trips together, interacting with relatives at family functions, going out with other couples and their kids, etc., and I don't get to ever have that with him because I'm the "secret". That part really sucks. I know polyamory is not for the faint of heart and I do consider myself fairly independent and strive to look for my happiness from within myself and not make it dependent on others. However, I can't help feeling...dare I say...envious of his wife for getting to have all that with him (which of course she rightly should and I would NEVER try to change) and that I am the "secondary on the side", even though he says he doesn't think of me that way. I admit I do miss the relative straightforwardness and lack of complication of monogamy (of course there are other issues in monogamy), but I love him dearly and have never had more in common with anyone or connected with anyone like I do with him, and his wife and his children and I get along so well. I'm also well aware that once I move closer to him and we spend more time together, it might make it more real to his wife and things could change as far as she feels about this situation too once it is more "in her face" on a regular basis. I'm just so confused--I am taking it one day at a time because my feelings go back and forth so much and I don't want to make any rash decisions, and I guess I will just continue on with my plans...I don't think I will know if polyamory is for me until I live closer to them and we have more time together to see how I feel then, but it just stinks feeling like this. Thanks for providing this forum to vent--I just needed it!