Morningglory's Awakening

I thought you weren't seeing 2Rings for seven weeks while they worked on themselves?

Not criticizing, just wondering if something changed. :)

Yep. Slight adjustment. KT wants to get used to being around us. So while no couple-like interaction for us, just some social interaction like with the kids and friends. And no dates etc;) until then. So no one-on-one stuff for me right now, they need time with eachother but they both want to be sure full acceptance is part of the process. Their own couple stuff is going on and they are working on their relationship with counselling etc. My part is that KT was getting caught up in jealousy whenever he and I had sex and/or romantic dates (because of the constant fights they were living quite separate in that regard- so there was resentment for me), so he and I are foregoing that part of our relationship for a few more weeks.:( BTW that began May 5th so we are almost half way there for me. Their initial timeframe was six months for working on themselves as a couple and individuals- that began in January. I am hoping that happens even sooner. Who wouldn't?! So not everything is posted here in a timely fashion.
Thanks for asking. Didn't realize I was not writing chronologically which may cause confusion.
 
Last edited:
Thanks for clearing that up! I had wondered the last couple of times I read on both of your blogs, but finally gave in and asked because I'm nosy!
 
The weekend

Good weekend overall. A few glitches. Surprise, surprise some bickering after a couple of misunderstandings. But overall a solid first step to recovery.

It is very strange to be in a shared existence and not interfere when you think something is not right. To kind of stifle an opinion (or warning) when you see something a little off center or notice a nonverbalized discomfort. I notice little details, an expression, a sound or even the absence of them. My nature is to protect or defend or at least engage myself in solving a problem. When it is a lover I am obviously going to be vocal and participatory in the process. But when it is a lover and his SO, it seems best to sit back and let it unfold as it will. I am struggling with this to a point of not knowing what is appropriate support as a lover or a friend, and what is something I should ignore, walk by, turn away from as none of my business.

I think we are getting to a point of acceptance. I still see alot of little occurrences of jealousy, insecurity or envy. But I think I am handling it right. I believe my cautiousness is going to help in the long run. It isn't that I am not open to trust and friendship, I just do not want to make assumptions or assert everything is ok in a matter of two weeks. I don't want to rush this healing process and I felt a little uncomfortable with the speed of which changes occurred within a week. I wonder if it is real, or more a "fake it til I make it." Everything wasn't solved or even addressed in one weekend together. It is just the first step in a kind of recovery model in our personal journey together. This past weekend was about developing hope
(because there was none 11 days ago), a secure base (one base not 3 or 4 individual bases) and a sense of self in terms of individals within hinged relationships. We still need to acknowledge that work needs to be done on getting really honest with eachother, we need to better develop coping skills and end goals need to be verbalized, recognized, and steps to get there need to be not only talked about but followed through before taking the next step. There is no leap-frog in this process. We all need to get to and stand on each step. We all need to take the step and not linger too long, but we need to move more in-sync. It is hard work to get the timing right, but it could be a really beautiful dance if we all are fair and dedicated on a daily basis to it.


BTW- Roller derby bouts were quite entertaining. We joked about what our names would be. May go again soon!
 
Last edited:
Weak, weak, weak

I caved. 4 weeks is all I could hold out. :eek:

Anyway busy week with the kids...prom and graduation! Yikes time flies by! I cannot believe I am the mother of adults!

Hubs and I are planning a trip at the end of June. Thank God. I need a break.
And will definitely need one by the END of June. Grad party coming up and jeez I am a nervous wreck about it. Planning and feeding 100+ peeps!:eek:

As far as poly...talked with some dear friends this weekend about some struggling. One who is poly and struggling with his own stuff, and one who is definitely mono but the best listener! Getting some perspective. Both advised stop worrying about making everyone else happy, really concentrate on what I am looking for for happiness. *sigh* Not sure what that is...especially since not making sure everyone else is happy often makes me unhappy. PP disease!:p
 
Love Language today

Test Results:

Percent Language Score
37% Words of Affirmation 11
23% Quality Time 7
7% Receiving Gifts 2
3% Acts of Service 1
30% Physical Touch 9
 
UGH!!!!!! It must be me! I am an idiot!

Ah, I just knew you were going to edit your original message (I was up & reading the board in the wee hours myself). You mentioned having some expectations about being in contact? I hope you're not so down on yourself now as you were when you first wrote it. We shouldn't blame ourselves and think we've been idiotic just because we have hopes about other people and how they will behave. Easier said than done, I know, but I do hope your day got better!
 
I know I am so bad about editing. I get all these feelings out and then I regret something, or think well that was a bit too much info, and I edit. But yes, the gist of the post is that I am truly struggling with expectations- I have them and some are probably a bit too high. However, I think I hold myself to those expectations and my struggle is in letting go of the expectations for others or at least not setting the bar so high.
I was reading in a couple of threads about different expectations we place on our lovers...all talking about different kinds of expectations. So it seems to be a theme this week.
I do think I can be too demanding and my EXCUSE is it's because I work so hard, and go above and beyond for my loves. It isnt helpful to put too much pressure on things I can't control, it isn't healthy to even want to control it. I am working on giving up the need to place expectations on every aspect of my relationship. It is what it is sometimes. One of these days I will get that.
Thank you NYCI.
 
Last edited:
Have you talked about your expectations with 2R? It could be that he doesn't realize how important these things are to you and how you feel when your expectations aren't met. Even if you have told him do you think he's really heard you?
 
Have you talked about your expectations with 2R? It could be that he doesn't realize how important these things are to you and how you feel when your expectations aren't met. Even if you have told him do you think he's really heard you?
Hmm, Derby, does telling people your expectations of them automatically mean they will change and strive to meet them for you? No. Sometimes I think it's better to sit with what's going on in our heads for a while and deconstruct those expectations rather than verbalize them and lay the responsibility on another person. And perhaps that is one of the benefits of the "distance" MG is now experiencing with 2R - some space and an opportunity for self-examination. Oh gosh, I know it's uncomfortable to do, but I've found it very freeing to first work through my shit, which gives me a clearer head to then express what's going on with me without [angry/frustrated/upset, etc.] energy attached to it. And most of the time I find it isn't even necessary to talk about my expectations with that person, 'cause I've worked it out. After all, it all starts with me.
 
Last edited:
Yeah, I think you both have valid perspectives. If he doesn't have a clue as to what my expectations are or doesn't realize the affect a behavior or lack there of is having on me, then we aren't communicating our needs(I am not perhaps). As intelligent as he thinks he is, the man does not have ESP so why do I expect him to read my mind?
At the same time, some of my expectations may not be entirely fair if it is not something he...or KT in this instance, thinks is important. I often get annoyed when I have to explain things in detail, I automatically assume he knows what I want or I'm thinking. Not so. We can finish eachother's sentences once in awhile but no magical sensory perception going-on! So sometimes I should spell it out better.

. Even if you have told him do you think he's really heard you?

In a nutshell, no!

Derby- had to laugh at the timing of your post, I just spent 5 hours on and off the phone communicating my expectations and arguing with 2R about the responsibility of meeting expectations. Long argument, emotional and often angry. It finally was resolved. But later on after the battle, I reflected on my own shit of which NYCI speaks...I am going to work on thinking things thru before sharing my expectations and unilaterally thinking he/she must not only understand but agree to it. 2R said, "Not everything you think is right and works, works for everyone else. Not that I disagree with you, but not everyone has the same idea of right, as a matter of fact MOST people would think even our lifestyle is wrong." Point taken.
 
Last edited:
setback

Ok...an unintentional and unusually bad day with KT yesterday. A conversation that didn't need to happen, my fault because it started with an image/memory jog from February and the girls we went away with on a Girls Weekend. I don't think we are in that place now, not at all. But brought out a little resentment. I hope things smooth over quickly. Sorry KT.
 
Happy day

Gorgeous day- sunny and warm, not too humid!!!!! Following an awesome night. ;) Some deep sharing and cementing trust. I love you 2R! (I know you are reading this, even though you never log-in!)

Busyish day today. Had a much needed breakfast/girl talk with my mom. Took the dog for a leasurely stroll. Worked out a little- weights, squats and lunges. Not a whole lot. A little housework that NEEDED done. Made a great, grilled teriyake chicken salad for dinner. Heading to youngest daughter's play with Hubs after dinner...Grease! Looking forward to the laughs. Youngest daughter is a natural comedian. Goofy beyond belief...picture 21st Century Lucille Ball! And after the play, I am working the 11p to 7a shift! UGH! But worth the family time most def!

Happy and healthy and breathing easy.:cool:
 
Whew!

Busy week last week, busier this week. Two oldest graduated high school so very little time to be on here. I am very anxious today. Lots of things going on. As far as poly...good and bad mixed in this week. Hoping it is short term on the bad. I will blog more this weekend, after grad party. Having about 150 people so needless to say that is adding to the frazzle factor!:eek:
 
Great weekend

So busy and my body feels like it was hit by a truck, but the party turned out to be a beautiful event. Of course I expected more teens to eat us out of house and home but Taylor Swift took some away. Had so much food left over. But it was a good time. Good to see some people I have not seen in a long time. And thanks to KT and 2Rings for helping out so much! Me AND the Hibs appreciated your efforts.:)
 
So busy and my body feels like it was hit by a truck, but the party turned out to be a beautiful event. Of course I expected more teens to eat us out of house and home but Taylor Swift took some away. Had so much food left over. But it was a good time. Good to see some people I have not seen in a long time. And thanks to KT and 2Rings for helping out so much! Me AND the Hibs appreciated your efforts.:)

Glad the party was a success! Sounds like things are going well. :) Teens do eat a lot. I eat like a 17 year old boy. People don't expect it when they first see me. lol. Sometimes it gets expensive, feeding me!
 
Omigosh, I can so-o-oooo relate to this, LOL!!!

hahaha.. something in common. I.. have challenges with details sometimes..

Its a fundamental difference between pengrah and I.. she wants details.. I hate giving lil details..

Its always a fun game when we try to compare notes..
 
The end of June has arrived

We are on the eve of July. The proposed start of a new phase, somewhat more open relationship with 2Rings. Kat seems to be doing well with it. She will have to comment for sure. But she has been very cooperative with me as far as scheduling etc and I think I have been as well, and we had a good time last week at my kids' party. They both got to meet my entire family. Well the closer ones to me anyway. Hoping that they finally get their own date-nite or couple weekend soon, and I can babysit for them. I think they are going to do something this weekend for a bit and have the older daughter watch the younger son.

Last night was the anniversary of me starting this polyamorous life. Spent the day with some of my best gf's. Got to work a bit late, and met up with 2Rings after work. All in all a very happy day for me. Lots of laughs with my friends, planning an outing(maybe a baseball game) and our college Alumni weekend for October. Work was work, no excitement there. Time with 2Rings...awesome but I can't get the gorilla with the iceberg lettuce out of my head!;):D LOL!

Sunny day today. Going for a long walk with youngest daughter and the dog in a few. I am going to see some friends tomorrow night since plans changed with KT and 2Rings, so we (me and my bff) will grill some steaks and drink some wine and enjoy the lovely evening, maybe some 4th fireworks will come early. Enjoy your weekend peeps. Happy poly practicing!
 
Back
Top