I'm confused about why everybody is jumping on the idea that the BF is somehow unbalanced or a bad guy. What did he do? He got hurt when she ranked her relationships and wants the option to know a child who *could* be his? I can't help but wonder if the gender here were (and could) somehow be transposed, if you would all feel the same way. For some people, a baby is a BIG DEAL. If some man were out there gestating a child that could be mine, I'd be very concerned with getting at the truth AND I'd want to know that child. Because he has a penis, he shouldn't care and he shouldn't get to care? Not cool.
Whereas I'm not even really considering whether they continue their relationship or not because their romantic relationship is of no importance right now. It's about everyone acknowledging who the father of the child is and making sure that baby knows who it's biological dad is and is supported in maintaining a relationship with him. Anyone else on the scene who is a stable and healthy influence and wants to commit to co parenting the child is a bonus.If a man, came on here with the exact same set of core complaints of how the woman is trying to be controlling and manipulative. I would give the exact same advice. Kick her to the curb.
As for paternity. I leave my opinion out. Thats for a legal environment to decide. I do personally believe that paternal parents (both) should have a right and option to visit the child.
How that looks on paper and in their living location is up to courts.
Having the child should have absolutely 0 bearing on whether this person is good for a relationship.
I still say the man is a manipulative douche bag and should be kicked to the curb.
He's being controlling and manipulative by asserting his legal position with a child that could be his? Well, you and I are going to just have to agree to disagree on that one. If he walked away completely, then he'd be accused of abandonment.
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"If I break up with him he'll be so heart broken he will move far away and I won't see him again except for legal reasons if it is his kid."