little quirks, that's me

Life's been busy. I've worked so much in the last two weeks. 10 days straight, one day off and 40 hours in 3 days after that. Today I'm off and getting ready for the weekend road trip out of town. LDR guy and I get to meet tomorrow night. Yeah!!!

Had a date with a gentlemen (not quite) on Saturday night. He has said he's poly but during our conversation in reality he's more wanting to swing. The short amount of time during our date, sitting across from each other, he kept trying to touch my hand. He came over before hitting the can to give me a hug and tried to kiss me. Eww...we never even talked about that via texting and based on the conversation I just was not feeling it. I do need to learn how to be more tactful and say "i'm just not feeling a connection with you" but no, the final time, before I opened my mouth, he tries to grab my hand again and I just blurt out "I have to be honest with you, I'm not attracted to you".

Yikes...um duh ali wrong thing to say. Dude went off on me, telling me I'm some number and he bets I do this to everyone I meet. I saw his pic (physically via pics there I had an interest in him and felt I couldn't write the guy off cuz of not feeling it via text etc) and thought why not meet someone claiming to be poly, as my other mono date guys didn't pan out, what's it going to hurt. He then proceeded telling me how he has no attraction to me and he can't believe I asked him to meet me at a dive bar (on that it was a suggestion from a friend and I had no idea what the bar was like...and seriously we met in his town he should have had an idea of where to go). So as he's going off I tell him "don't worry I plan to pay for my 2nd drink (I got there early and already paid for my first)" and he continued ranting at me, so I took one last sip of my 3/4 drank drink, walked over to the bartender, paid and left, with no word of good bye to him. I don't need to be chewed out just because I wasn't comfortable. And in all honesty I liked that dive bar, my kind of place.

He sent me a text telling me "goodluck and godspeed". Other things he never told me beforehand is he's in the middle of a divorce. That is not what I'm looking for, chaos and what an ugly divorce (based on what is happening and he cheated on his wife...not my style) so in addition for not feeling a connection he has too much dirty laundry. Oh well....

But I'm getting some experience at what dating entails. I realize this could be a long journey for me but in a few weeks I'll be working 6 days a week until April 15th, so any free time will be with family for now.
 
Sounds like you dodged a bullet there. You should have looked him in the eye, pounded the rest of your drink for effect, then walked out with a swagger.

:cool:
 
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Sounds like you dodged a bullet there. You should have looked him in the eye, pounded the rest of your drink for effect, then walked out with a swagger.

:cool:

If I wasn't a light weight and didn't have over 30 minutes to drive home a pounded I would've done. I did swagger though! Lol


I'm definitely trusting my intuition...

And the other poly guy I met months ago wants to hang out but (another eww) his teeth are gross, like bad decay (front ones). Preferences...mine are developing and I know what I like....nice teeth. :D
 
Ugh. Not a fun date! I remember dating a man a few years ago like that. He didn't try to kiss me the first date, but the second I spent constantly trying to dodge him. He fianaly grabbed my head and pulled my face to him & kissed me. I stomped on his foot and left him standing there. He sent me a text later of "I guess I won't be seeing you again." You think?!
 
And the other poly guy I met months ago wants to hang out but (another eww) his teeth are gross, like bad decay (front ones). Preferences...mine are developing and I know what I like....nice teeth. :D

Definitely with you on this one...I don't care if they are particularly straight but they should not be literally rotting out of someone's head! I don't understand how people can NOT be bothered by that. I had an interaction at work with a guy with terrible gross rotting teeth...and a tongue ring. The whole conversation, in my head, I was thinking "really, you want to draw attention to that"

JaneQ

(for the record, my teeth aren't perfect, but I go for a cleaning every 6 months and any cavities - haven't had one in 9 years - are attended to before they become a problem.)
 
wonderboy

I met wonderboy (formerly ldr guy) last night. He helped me figure out his name for my blog. Damn I wish even a ldr would work out, not to say it can't but he knows he can't handle the emotional aspect of poly. I suggested, based on our conversations last night, he's a swinger or polysexual. Funny wonderboy was telling me stories of his life & women in his past, and in all honesty his needs with them were poly...meaning that each lady satisfied different needs of his.

Will my wonderboy & I ever see each other again? I don't know but he did say if the opportunity arose he'd want to. Damn how is it my luck I meet an individual who I really click with but is many many hours away?

And yes we had amazing sex last night. I already knew physically I liked what I saw from webcam & our live chats. And to be in person talking to each other, just awesome. Lol and he's 5'8-one of my preferences in a man is 6'. Yeah chemistry with an individual can make that "like" not so important. Our Okc match is 93%...as I said to SG, wonderboy I could have not just a physical relationship with but an intimate emotional and intellectual as well.

Well the alarm is set for the early morning so I best get some rest, didn't last night.;)
 
Been having a hard time reconnecting with bassman (formerly known as DH) {as wonderboy stated "if you're gonna blog, you should get creative" so here I go}.

Arrived home late Monday. Bassman brought up the benefits of a relationship with another OSO in that it does not get diluted with those things that a mono-relationship that goes poly has in it and probably never will (unless this other relationship and the first one all live together). And for me...that's where a lot of my envy has been rooted in (or is it jealousy)? This came from his weekend spent with his sweety (aside from when he worked so they had the afternoons from like 2:30 on until he worked the next morning together {just an fyi - I was feeling tons of compersion for them while I was away}. He noted that it was vey nice being in the home with no kids and just getting to know each other more and more. But as he stated, they'll never end up in fights, they'll never really go through things bassman and I have gone through, so the love doesn't get side winder things thrown at it (well except from their spouses having struggles with their NRE and time spent together).

Back to my huge disconnect. I have narrowed it down to a few things. First is my sadness over wonderboy. I'm struggling with the reality that the chemistry and connection he and I have will never grow beyond just friends. I have come to accept that today. Second is the looming amount of hours and days I'm about to start working until April 15th. Basically every day to equal 70 hours a week. Third I've been feeling really stuck on my Fridays (a true Friday night) of having no transportation for the kids and I to do errands or what ever we feel like. I've always had issues with Fridays and it's come to light that bassman's Friday overnights are bothering me. See his Friday is actually Mondays and he has his overnight with Wild Orchid (MG's new name here), doesn't come home until Tuesday afternoon; thus his role in the responsibility department with kids doesn't hit until his "saturday". And that's been rubbing me a bit lately...that my Friday and weekend is all responsibility, that actually every day I have the family responsibility with no time off.

Today I text'd with The Hunter (SG's new name who is Wild Orchid's husband) and both of us have been struggling. His girlfriend, The Masseuse, and him haven't seen each other for over three weeks as she needed a break {reminder she's mono} and he's been having some health issues and has only been able to have sex with Wild Orchid twice in three weeks. Funny, I think it's good he and I didn't force a relationship as we have one as friends and a sounding board for each other. Hearing our sides helps both of us realize we are growing, albeit with some struggles, and as he said "one day we'll sit back and laugh at ourselves".

After work bassman and I discussed this conversation I had. I have come to feel like second best, I have come to realize discussions that he has with Wild Orchid about our relationship happen with her first, and with me, when I bring it up, which bothers me and he has been told. One example is Valentine's Day. It's on a Friday. I brought up how it's on his night with her and bassman tells me they discussed that a bit ago and they've agreed to spend it with their spouses. And maybe it's not that they discussed with before he discussed with me, he just forgot to tell me about it until I brought it up. Other little things like the co-worker who told bassman she wants to have sex with him. He told Wild Orchid about it this weekend and then me when we were having a discussion on Monday after I arrived. For me, here it is again, I'm second to be talked to. *And if I wasn't told I'm "primary" and she's "secondary", maybe, just maybe it wouldn't bother me. That's the crux...bassman and wild orchid operate in the primary/secondary thought process of their relationships, yet, the behaviors are not that way.*

This is an area all of us do need to work on. I don't like these terms much and am not sure I'd think of another lover as my secondary but as an equal with me and my spouse.*

So today, this early evening, bassman and I discussed our calendars. Based on the issues I'm having and the ones The Hunter is having, he offered to cut back overnights to one a week until April 15th and when tax season is over, I agreed to him going back to two overnights but no more Fridays but Thursday instead. *He also requested that on Wednesdays during the day (he will have our princess home with him) if Wild Orchid is close by, she can come visit them. I agreed as long as our princess does not go to daycare. Her schedule is mon & tues, home with daddy on wed, and back to daycare on thurs and fri. She also needs a consistent schedule (she'll be 3 in March). Bassman agreed. After this agreement he called up Wild Orchid to let her know what he and I have worked out. She asked him about surprise visits and his response (I didn't hear what she asked only his answer) "this isn't the time for that and probably not a good idea". When he finished the call I asked what that part regarded.

The Hunter discussed with me that he needs to spend more time with bassman, get to be better friends. I find this ironic and maybe it's due to them being poly for over 15 years and me since July 2013, but I'm not ready to get super close with my metamour, Wild Orchid. It's not that I don't like her {I think she's super cool and awesome} but until I'm able to get a network of new girlfriend's I can vent to, I'd not be comfortable getting super close with her. I don't want her to be my sounding board when I'm struggling nor to talk badly about bassman with her. *And the more she text'd me that we need alibabe_muse and wild orchid time, the more anxiety I started experiencing. Bassman discussed this with her and she does understand and he told her sometime down the road I'd be willing to get to know her more, just not at this time.

Dinner's here and I am so hungry I'll get back later.;)
 
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The threads are weird. Some I can go back and edit and some I just can't.

I forgot to put above about the disconnect. Another issue I had, my crap I have to deal with, was that on Tuesday bassman took princess to daycare (yes it's her normal day but I stated my concern Monday evening that she needed time to acclimate being back home and with how late we did get home after our long drive {she was in the vehicle from 3 until 9:45 pm) and when she did fall asleep, I did not want her at daycare. Bassman had informed me he felt the need to see Wild Orchid the next day (yes they had Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday morning together) and he needed to see her Tuesday.

I let him know this had upset me Tuesday and most of yesterday. Monday night it was obvious we both weren't reconnecting and to me, Tuesday, even though I was at work during the day, if he was serious about us, that this need to see Wild Orchid again put her before us, before me. He can't change his choice but he can have some sort of empathy of my side of it. And months from now I'll probably laugh at myself yet at that moment of our disconnect, how am I suppose to feel he really wants to connect with me if his need was her and not me? We did not make love Tuesday. After last nights talks, we did make love and it was awesome!:D
 
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Didn't know where to post this

I'm working on a client's return and the street this person lived on some years ago is called POLY PLACE. Just thought I'd share. Reminds me to post this to the Poly Plus group on FB, a poly unit there was discussing changes in their relationship and wanting to move into an area that is poly friendly, only problem is this street and this fb user are across the country from each other.

:D
 
I've been such a drama queen lately and I can't stand it. My most recent trigger...again health issues. Last Saturday morning my left ear drum ruptured. Intense pain, went to Urgent Care, prescribed antibiotics, bought a heating pad and the draining cleared up a bit but not enough to allow me full use of my ear. I've been "off" with my equilibrium, sometimes I'm hearing things amplified, then muffled to just continue. Friday comes and I have 3 pills left. Had an appointment already schedule for my bi-annual std check up so the ear infection is still there and "angry" (why do doctors use that term....I guess I need to see what it looks like to know what "angry" is). So I'm now on a 7 day strong antibiotic. Friday night, felt like it was changing but I'm here on Sunday and it's still muffled. As far as the tear from the rupture, it's tiny so should heal on it's own. I just wish I'd be "healthy" again. Ever since my surgery I've not been me. Is this charma's punishment for not having cancer? Yeah that's a dooms day view but I just don't get what's up with me, physically. Dec 5th surgery, Dec 25th the flu Jan 10th diagnosed with hypothryroidism (just awesome, not), colds that come and go because princess is in daycare and until this weekend hasn't been cough/runny nose free since October, and now this stupid ear thing. :mad:

And I realize I need to give myself a break. I mean overall I feel great physically aside from these minor illnesses and with being put on thyroid medicine, my energy is coming back, maybe more than before removal of part of my thyroid but I guess it's also the knowledge after all of this physical stuff, I have started tax season work hours...how does one get healthy if they're working 60-70 hours a week? Yes sleep which I don't get enough of.

Now to me being a drama queen. I actually started feeling compersion, no I always feel compersion when bassman is staying overnight with wild orchid. I get a benefit of me time (not too much since it comes when kids get to sleep, but it's more than i've had in many many years) because I've struggled these last few years before poly on having independence while being married. I still struggle. I love my husband but I hate the concept I'm bound by a license. No I am not saying I want to end my relationship with him, gawd I love him to pieces and still see ourselves old together, laughing at the antics of great grandchildren, but I think on this practical level, the binding of finances, responsibilities makes me feel bogged down (maybe i'm rambling now). I also realize for tax purposes if we weren't married we'd come out ahead and not owe so much money to the IRS. {When two people live together, aren't married, with children, one can file a single and the other as head of household. What this does is give them a higher standard deduction versus married - if they are paying a mortgage etc much better to not be married - and by not being married, guess what? Your income is in a lower tax bracket as it's not combined with your partner/husband/wife/etc. Do you know what DOMA repeal of marriage being between a man and woman did? It allowed the LBGT community think they got an awesome benefit (for medical/death purposes yes it did) but not for taxes. So these couples will now file jointly as a married couple and get screwed by getting kicked into a higher income tax bracket. I digress....

But Monday night bassman sent me a text telling me he'd text me before bed or sooner (remember all i ask is a text he made it there and a text he's coming home the next day). 3 am rolls around and nothing (no i was fast asleep, not waiting for the text, but woke cuz a guy sent me a few texts). I started feeling envy, jealousy, second best...blah blah blah. It's not that I'm in competition with wild orchid at all, but i know he texts her while he's with me, constantly, he texts her goodnights when ever he's with me, he talks with her daily even when with me, so I had enough. Yes NRE blah, blah, blah. The point I have is when they are together, they are together without any interruption from me. I have had to contact him in the morning after his overnight a few times for finance reasons or kid stuff, but not my drama (until this week due to the expectation he set up). I've now asked he no longer contacts me when he's with her aside from the "i made it" text. I like this boundary...but he never respects it. I want bassman's in person time with wild orchid to be about them and not him feeling whatever he feels to contact me. He needs to be focused on her.

Is it wrong I'm bothered by him being in constant contact with her when bassman's with me or suppose to be interacting with our kids? I don't think so but apparently that's controlling behavior so then I'm like "fuck it all, no more boundaries, i don't care anymore, call her/text her all you want when I'm around". I realize he talks to her every morning on the phone, every afternoon after work and even in the evening when I'm right there. It's made me feel like we're broken.

And I only feel broken because he's refused to deal with us when I get home from work. Giving me an excuse he needs to reconnect with me rather than talk, or just avoiding it all together. Then when we do "talk" its never in person but always via text. Really? Like Friday night he had issues with me. I said I was willing to discuss (I was out getting groceries) and instead of in person, it's all via text. Really, again?

And on top of all of this, when I'm having issues, the hunter is having them too. Which doesn't help me, I'm realizing, but actually makes me get bothered by them more. I've discovered or maybe I feel or I know, that I need to put my guard back up. What ever problem i have, sometimes get used to help another with their issues. AND I DON'T LIKE THAT WHEN VERY INTELLIGENT PEOPLE MANIPULATE OTHERS TO GET THEIR WAY in this poly world. I get enough of that from princess, pnutt (our 8 year old son) and beauty (my 16yo). I don't need it from other adults.

Big sigh...whew its nice to get this last week down here. On my end with bassman's relationship with wild orchid...I wanted them to have a 2nd overnight next week since I'm not too deep into the season and it'd be a last opportunity until April 15th. Well the hunter and bassman went out for a few beers Thursday. Bottom line is the hunter is not able to have the love birds see each other more than 1 time a week (he's working a lot too right now). He is also feeling what I am...when he's with wild orchid, she's not engaged with him but texting/talking with bassman. And the hunter has another...but that's not apparently awesomeness. Digressing again...sorry self, it's where your thoughts are wandering to.

I told bassman all I need from him is that when we're together, to be focused on me....like he use to a few months ago, be actively responsive to me and the family. If he can do that, than I don't care how much he's texting,talking while I'm home. And I have to work on my way of showing my love for him. Neither of us have done the love type test thingy but I'm thinking he's definitely "touch" and I'm not sure what I am. I love touches....oh this is it.

Bassman definitely lets me know how much he desires me physically...no doubt about it, but all that makes me feel is our relationship is just sex and that's it. I am jealous of intellectually we don't have much to discuss. I realize jobs, kids, lack of sleep plays a big part of it, but for me to be happy...bassman and muse must not be only about that but more. I want to grow with him and I want him to grow with me. I don't want to be in a rut.

Today I am happy, completely 100% so. Wild orchid and I are texting with each other about potentials for me. I think soon I'll be comfortable to have wild orchid/muse bonding time but not quite yet. Why? I'm hugely intimidated by her mind. As I've said she's awesome, but knowing your metamour is a BEHAVIOR ANALYST sort of spooks me. :confused: Is that abnormal? I just don't want my metamour analyzing me, telling bassman her thoughts of me, etc. I don't believe she'd really do that, but it's a fear and until I can overcome this fear, wild orchid/muse time is on the back burner. (and yes the hunter is a part of this forum and i believe wild orchid is too...not sure they read my blog or not and if they do, i don't hold back...THIS IS MY SPACE, MY PLACE TO SHARE FOR MYSELF MY UPS AND DOWNS...and bassman definitely reads this, can cause me some discomfort but if I don't write here...where do I go to do it)?

I think I'm going to take a tiny break and come back to write about my dating experiences. Some ray of light, possibly....;)
 
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No, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting and asking for his attention to be on you or the family during family time. When you are actively doing something together, it's actually extrememly rude to switch his attention to someone else, especially if you're having romantic time. Leo has to be in the moment with me during couple time, especially when we are talking. To that point, I suggest telling bassman that while you agree talking is very important and must be done, you will only discuss important issues face-to-face. Insisting it must be done over text minimizes the importance of the discussion and leaves huge gaps in what is communicated. You need to be able to see facial expressions, gestures, and hear vocal tones to communicate effectively. Text should be used for "don't forget milk", not for "we need to talk." Then refuse to discuss heavy subjects further in text. Turn off the phone if he refuses to wait. It's his relationship too, and he should take it seriously. If it's not important enough to discuss in person, then it's not important enoigh to discuss at all. Good luck!
 
Last Friday night I went to kickboxer's (formerly KB somewhere in this blog) new place. First time we met not at his work. I had a good time. Hooking up as fwb has been over 7 months in the making. He's definitely reserved and going through a lot. He just moved that Monday before hand into his new place. He's getting divorced. His housemate invaded our hang out time (good thing it was after experiencing each other). We had started watching Fight Club (love that movie) and the room filled up with his friends (it was kickboxer's birthday weekend). The house mate's brother was so interesting...enough that I have not stopped thinking about him. I didn't realize how much I enjoyed his conversation, the way he looked at me (well that I did when I was there), his looks, personality....I still think about him today. I don't have any idea of how to contact him either. I know, I know, I could just ask kickboxer for his number....but feel kinda strange doing that.

Tonight I am going to see the mechanic (KW from before), my 22 year old, I met back in November. We reconnected via text a few weeks ago...and I've been more realistic about him this time. Yesterday he asked if after this week, from now on, we'd meet on Sundays...I didn't commit since things went backwards with him last time on making plans to continue seeing each other that this time around, it's all up to him. I have no expectation except fwb, enjoy his youth and how I enjoy him in a bed.

I figure until I'm actually able to give more of myself in time (two days a week and not only one) my dating for a serious relationship is on hold. I might as well enjoy the here and now...and that makes me happy actually.

Back to the friend of kickboxer's...maybe next week I'll get the courage to ask for the number. I mean, why not, and his friend is actually doing the framing work on house that is getting built near my home. I just am never around during the day to try to find it cause if I could, I'd just go by there and say "hi". Yes the friend told me where he's working since they all live 30 minutes away and we got to talking a lot. He was so cool!

bassman is working until 9 tonight so I'll be off around 10:30. Apparently guys I like can only meet late at night. Good thing I can sleep in a little tomorrow.
 
short update

My mind and body have adapted to working over 60 hours a week. I do recognize when I hit my wall and need to take a weekend day off.

Issues of jealousy and envy are gone - Yeah!

Issues of bassman being a horrible communicator as a hinge are still there but actions he's done in the last week have allowed me to pin point it - progress like at 30% before yesterday. Now 35% but he's now aware of (and so I am, I am faulty at times on this due to work constraints) better clarity in communication, ask questions if unsure, repeat agreed upon things (even whose picking the kids up or what not, poly isn't 100% of the problem in our communication), voice expectations if there are any and share with each other first rather than last.

Love on the horizon....kickboxer doesn't want a relationship but does want sex. Not sure about that long-term but okay with it until I get a normal life again. Dating is so on the backburner right now...;)
 
I am struggling right now. I am sucking at being poly. I think bassman sucks at being a hinge.

I can go about 5 days feeling ok. Than bam! I'm in a funk. My work schedule can be sun to sat or mon to sun with no day off until #14. Yesterday I hit over 61 hours in 6 days (only worked just over 4 yesterday).

What my issue has been lately is quality time and quality talking time. Our communication is always about me having a problem. My problem is what bassman is communicating to me and not listening to my communication to him. (thinking about this now I smile and laugh - I've been under the assumption {assume just need to remember it makes an ass of myself} bassman's communication with wild orchid never gets forgotten by him...well honestly I don't know so now that I've thought about it...don't care any more BUT the amount of communication is definitely at a subpar level in comparison for bassman and I and that's the issue for me-that he just doesn't spend the time contacting me etc...UNLESS IT'S A DAY AN "ISSUE" HAS EVOLVED).

I just want to stop feeling so sad. Today, after a good nights sleep...that weird icky sad feeling is gone. Working so much, the pressure (can't make a mistake with what I'm doing so at times there's research on tax laws to go through when taking a deduction or a way to treat income etc) of home, work and my needs did get overwhelming for me.

The conversation last night with bassman...the outcome wasn't what I was looking for. So I told him no trying to do what he suggested (an exit strategy of his relationship with wild orchid). One because that isn't the problem and yeah, I may not be ok with poly at this time, I do realize my triggers at this time (work hours, lack of sleep, lack of time) is my demise of being happy want in life. I can never give an ultimatum (which I did give but not of that relationship...it wasn't me or her....it was if you can't help and do more of the communicating with me that you do her...than I want a divorce, not you end it with her or I'm divorcing you).

It's that I've been telling him for weeks we're broken. I truly feel that. We were broken when we entered into this lifestyle and WE need work. I love him, he loves me...the passionate love I have now for him that was not here a year ago...which he's been wanting from me...has rooted her head full force BUT issues that have been in our relationship for over 20 years...those behaviors/issues that we're both guilty of and we've both put up with...those things/behaviors is what makes me feel broken...and it falls back on COMMUNICATION...oh what a revolving circle this is.

And so for me...I truly, deeply in my heart, feel that I can be in a poly relationship with bassman, that is pretty fluid...and allowed to change as our needs change if we both can work on our time when we're with each other and our actions when we are with each other.

My trigger yesterday...discovering while paying the cell bill...that texting with wild orchid continues even after I'm home. He works 6:30am to 2 pm. They text as soon as he wakes, he calls her every morning for 5 to 15 minute talks, as soon as I pick him up at 2 and I'm back to work at 2:30 he has any where to a 30minute to hour conversation with her and then they text the rest of day/night.

When I'm home and we're supposed to be spending quality time with the kids and each other he's texting her the entire time. This is my issue right now. I get the text's about kids once he's off work and when I'm done and a few
"i really need to reconnect with you"....blah blah blah. Sex just doesn't satisfy my emotional needs...he just doesn't get it. I really feel at this season (Feb 1st to Apr 15) respecting my need to receive 100% attention (aside from the 75% the kids gets) should be devoted to me as soon as he picks me up from work.

Like Wed...we had a date night, went out. As soon as we got home, he started texting wild orchid. When he has his time with her...guess what I am not doing? Texting him...now come the morning and a kid gets sick or something comes up, yes he'll get a text from me. On his overnights, he's the one to make contact with me in the morning, but I do not contact him unless it's an emergency. I thing his time with her should be about him being with her. And I think I should be respected by both of them when he's with me. Yes we're married, yes we live together, but NO we get one hour a night, that's 6 hours a week with plus 2 here or there (a date night) that we get quality time. Even with his one overnight...he gets almost a full day with her minus an hour here or so of getting kids off to their places (she has older adopted disabled kids and that is how she works...she doesn't have a job to be at). I am not jealous or envious of her...I am annoyed at bassman SUCKING at being a hinge.

Bassman tells me continuously he just wants me to be happy. So I freak out...then feel bad I'm "controlling him" (yes his words) so I negate all the "boundaries" I threw out when upset...when in reality he just hasn't gotten it since December....just because I say DO WHAT EVER YOU WANT, I'LL DEAL WITH IT...at what point does he get out of his box and let the light bulb go off?

....Oh wow...she keeps bringing this "issue" up...maybe rather than take her up on her offer when she's upset...do whatever i want...maybe i should really take heart and hear what she's telling me...she's telling me she's not okay i contact wild orchid when i'm with her (duh :rolleyes:)...and she only tells me to do whatever because she's trying not to control the situation...but her upsetness continues to be the same subject even though i say it's the relationship..which yeah it's how i'm doing the other relationship and how i'm doing this relationship with her...and i tell her she's my primary but if i take a step outside that box...i might just see what she's seeing...

if only he'd think that way. oh well...i can only discuss it so much until i'm just tired of it...hence the ultimatum of divorce. i can't ask him to change, i can only ask him to interact with me more during the day...if that isn't a possibility, then i will not be happy and i see my only recourse is ending it. i just would never respect myself to continue to stay in a relationship that does not provide me happiness at a minimum 75% of the time nor in a relationship where i'm friggin upset, sad, depressed 90% of the time.
 
Wow Ali. I hope he gets his shit together and gives you the contact/communication frequency you need. I don't think you could be any clearer at what you are looking for right now. ((((HUGS))))
 
As a hinge I have to say bassman sucks.

Maybe have him read your latest post.
 
Well bassman today has said he'd not text her while I'm home. So far so good.

Then...wild orchid (during their call after he got off work but before getting home) offered to get me a massage. I just don't know when I'd have time this week. Bassman's birthday dinner at his parents Tuesday, bassman picking his sister up from the airport Wednesday, then trying to get our home cleaned, kids rooms cleaned all for Princess' 3rd birthday party next Sunday.

Why do so many people in my family have a March birthday? Probably because I picked a line of work where am busy this time of year? LOL go figure.

So the massage offer...I think I'm just not use to someone's kindness. Life has been hard work, doing the best so the kids have a better childhood than my own, so kindness...it's just unfamiliar to me. Not sure if I'm comfortable with too much of it. :confused:
 
I don't think the massage was an offer made in kindness. I think it was made to manipulate your feelings so she can still keep her status quo.
 
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