In NRE but can't see my partner

AnnabelMore

Active member
Argh.

This is not really poly-specific, as this could happen in an LDR, or in a mono relationship where one or both partners is/are just very busy. But since my situation is a poly situation, I figured it'd be cool to post it here.

So, I've been seeing this guy for about a month. I'm head over heels for him, crazy in love/lust, very much feeling the NRE, wanting to see him all the time. But I have a couple of other partners and a very busy life, he has a few other partners and an even busier life, and we're seeing each other maybe once a week right now, for just a couple of hours and then an overnight, generally. We might not get to see each other this week, and it's bumming me out. Right now we just SO don't have enough time together to match the level of NRE that I'm feeling.

It used to be that we were talking online a lot, but lately he's been busier at work and we haven't been doing that. I think about him and it's like the desire to be with him just tugs at me, and there's nothing I can do with that feeling. When I don't think about him it's fine, but I think about him a LOT and it's beginning to bring me down a little.

Any strategies for dealing with that? Or, anyone just wanna commiserate?
 
Totally feeling what you're feeling. I'm also flying high on my NRE and I've only been able to see my bf about once a week as well. It's usually only an overnight thing. These are fun but I miss him as soon as he leaves and all you can do is think about him and want to just see him and hug him and kiss him. You don't even need to fuck him. LOL.

I was taking trips into town so I could stop by my husband's work to have lunch with him but also to get a quick hug to my boyfriend. This would help a little.

We text during the day but that doesn't really cut it. Plus, you kind of lose things to talk about like that. It's just not like real communication at all.

I don't really know what the solution is. Some of the reason we don't see each other more is because he lives an hour away and it costs gas money to come and see. My husband and him could carpool but then questions start to be asked, so they don't do that too much or try to be sly about it. Carpooling to save money doesn't work because my boyfriend rides to work with his dad every day and he lives in the opposite direction we do.

And also because my husband doesn't think we need to see each other that much. He doesn't even want us to see each other weekly, I feel. Or he lets us but he gets upset by it.

What has been helping a little is cam/voice chatting. And playing video games together. But last time the network was messed up so I could hear him but he couldn't hear me. So we were doing the "jump for yes. Swing for no." haha. That didn't work too hot when he was upset about his family and I needed to comfort him and all I could do was say "yes" or "no" and I couldn't say "I love you and I'm here for you."
 
I don't have strategies but I sure can commiserate :)

I think that feeling this is truly wonderful. Enjoy it to the fullest, that feeling of desire and longing, mixed with the slightest and tiniest sparks of insecurity (when will I see him again? does he want to see me as much as I want to see him?)
I only gets bad when there is more fear than love. Been there too and it sucks.

I read this Steinbeck quote the other day and immediately thought of it when I read your post.

“It would be good to live in a perpetual state of leave-taking, never to go nor to stay, but to remain suspended in that golden emotion of love and longing; to be loved without satiety.”
― John Steinbeck, The Log from the Sea of Cortez
 
I can only commiserate. I'm in the same boat only its because he wrecked his motorcycle and broke three of his limbs. So oh yeah do I know how you feel!

FML :(
 
I only see my other partner like 3 or 4 times per year. It isn't NRE because we have been doing this since 1988, but i still wish we got together more.
 
I miss him as soon as he leaves and all you can do is think about him and want to just see him and hug him and kiss him. You don't even need to fuck him.

...

We text during the day but that doesn't really cut it. Plus, you kind of lose things to talk about like that. It's just not like real communication at all.

Yes, exactly, yes. Google chat works well for me as real communication, but texting is really only good for the most very basic things.

I don't have strategies but I sure can commiserate :)

I think that feeling this is truly wonderful. Enjoy it to the fullest, that feeling of desire and longing, mixed with the slightest and tiniest sparks of insecurity (when will I see him again? does he want to see me as much as I want to see him?)
I only gets bad when there is more fear than love. Been there too and it sucks.

I read this Steinbeck quote the other day and immediately thought of it when I read your post.

“It would be good to live in a perpetual state of leave-taking, never to go nor to stay, but to remain suspended in that golden emotion of love and longing; to be loved without satiety.”
― John Steinbeck, The Log from the Sea of Cortez

This is a really good point, thank you for reminding me what a special time this is. :)

I can only commiserate. I'm in the same boat only its because he wrecked his motorcycle and broke three of his limbs. So oh yeah do I know how you feel!

Woah!!!! Poor guy. :( I sure hope he heals up quickly.

I only see my other partner like 3 or 4 times per year. It isn't NRE because we have been doing this since 1988, but i still wish we got together more.

Oh wow. It seems to me that it might still feel like NRE in some ways in that situation, since each meeting would seem so fresh after a break of months.
 
It kind of does feel like that but a few months between visits flies by and feels like a lot compared with some times when years would go by. I guess to many people, this would mean they are "broken up" or "on hold" but we never had this "now we're lovers, now we're just friends, now we're a couple, now we're broken up, now we're back together" stuff going on. It's more like, the planets only line up a certain way every so often.

The way it is now, if spouse and i didnt live together it would probably be similar minus the NRE factor.
 
Channeling.

I know for me I try not to associate the NRE with the person, and more with the experience of falling in love with someone. That way it doesn't have to be 'quenched' or 'scratched' by seeing them. I try to schedule dates so that I know when I can look forward to seeing them, and it puts a pep in my step.

I'm pretty analytical though, and I know this is much harder for Elemental when he's in love - NRE can make him do some crazy shit.

I usually focus it into something else; making music, writing, gardening, jogging, my yoga practice, cooking - that energy is so amazing in all avenues of life, and is something that largely lives inside of me. Making something like a really great playlist, or a piece of art for the person you're pining for is a cool way to focus those feelings too, IMHO.

Happy for you, even though I know you're frustrated!!!
 
I know for me I try not to associate the NRE with the person, and more with the experience of falling in love with someone. That way it doesn't have to be 'quenched' or 'scratched' by seeing them. I try to schedule dates so that I know when I can look forward to seeing them, and it puts a pep in my step.

I'm pretty analytical though, and I know this is much harder for Elemental when he's in love - NRE can make him do some crazy shit.

I usually focus it into something else; making music, writing, gardening, jogging, my yoga practice, cooking - that energy is so amazing in all avenues of life, and is something that largely lives inside of me. Making something like a really great playlist, or a piece of art for the person you're pining for is a cool way to focus those feelings too, IMHO.

Happy for you, even though I know you're frustrated!!!

This is actually really, really helpful advice. I'd had a sense of what you're describing, and had sort of been doing it (making playlists most definitely writing a lot most definitely, and I made a piece of jewelry for the silent auction at an event he was helping to run), but I'd never thought to conceptualize it as separating the experience of NRE from the individual in question. It makes a lot of sense to me, and I think it'll make a difference.

Thank you!
 
I'm definitely feeling more happy than frustrated at the moment, for the record. :D
 
I can commiserate. Wendigo and I have been together almost 4 years. These days we see each other daily, in passing, and a few times a week we carpool (well, Runic Wolf or I drive us home and Wendigo naps), but we only get couple time every other week and even that is a half hour to an hour of mostly alone time these days.
 
My pleasure.

That style has kept me out of some potentially torturous situations in my life... Classic INTJ. Glad I could give something back to you, lord knows you have done a shed load for me!!
 
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