Sorry if this summary is too long. It is indeed a summary.
I am a 30 year old female who has been married for four years.
I grew up in a conservative homeschooling movement, aka the Quiverfull/Patriarchal movement. As I was an only child, we were not Quiverfull, but I still was taught a lot of things the patriarchal movement believes. This includes, you do not marry the one you love, you love the one you marry, wife submit, pop out babies, etc. Dating was forbidden, a parentally approved "courtship" might be allowed if the guy was approved by your father, otherwise he would find a spouse for you.
While I was homeschooling, I formed a very deep connection to a guy about eight months older than me. I went through a lot of very socially awkward things as a teenager (including a hair loss disorder) and this guy remained my only friend. I met him when I was 11, he became my friend quickly, and though there were often times we did not see each other for months or even a year on end, every time we did have a chance to talk to each other it was an instant, deep connection. During our teenage years we were involved in the homeschool speech and debate, and when we were first getting started he refused to debate because he saw that I was not going to be partnered with anyone else in the club. What ended up happening is that the club leaders grudgingly partnered us together and the results were scary. Normally in debate, as your team listens to the other side you pass along notes to tell your partner what points to address in their cross-examination or next speech. We didn't need the notes. It was almost as if we could look at each other and understand each other exactly.
We were also "rebellious" in our teenage years; we never had a chance to call ourselves a relationship or anything, and apparently "rebellion" was sitting at the same table while eating lunch at a fast food restaurant.
Our families kinda suspected that we had romantic feelings for each other even though we had never as much as held hands or said that we loved each other (simply because it wasn't allowed.) I bring this up because when I was 17, his family moved two states away, shortly afterward telling me that he had died in a car accident. I grieved for years.
I was 21 when I met my husband, and to be honest, I was still grieving the loss of the one I considered to be my soulmate. My family did not approve of my husband either. Eventually they kicked me out and we started our marriage homeless. Today is 4 years from the day that I was kicked out.
One year into my marriage, I found out that my soulmate's parents had lied to me about the fact that he was dead. He wasn't. He had apparently been lied to about me as well, told that I was dead also in a car accident.
It's been a crazy three years since. I decided to write him (I had my husband's permission) and I thought that with ten years of no contact between us, things would be dead and over, that we would have changed too much. But his response proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were definitely not. For while we had both changed, we changed in the same direction.
Early January he admitted that he loved me, and that part of the reason he was still unmarried was with the hopes that his parents had lied to him. And I deeply love him and deeply love my husband as well, and all year I have been agonizing over the idea of having to make a choice between them. Meanwhile my husband understands that I love him and that I have never been able to stop, even though I tried. Even when I thought he was dead I was never able to stop loving him.
A week and a half ago my husband said that he would be welcome into our life, and that he realizes that if this happens he knows I would be just as committed to this as to my marriage.
So there we have it. It hasn't started yet, we're still several states away from each other, but the idea has been brought up and has been decided that this is what will be happening.
They are both bisexual, but we're starting with him just partnered with me, and if things work out, then possibly with each other. But nobody outside of the triangle.
God, I'd be married to them both if it were legal.
I am a 30 year old female who has been married for four years.
I grew up in a conservative homeschooling movement, aka the Quiverfull/Patriarchal movement. As I was an only child, we were not Quiverfull, but I still was taught a lot of things the patriarchal movement believes. This includes, you do not marry the one you love, you love the one you marry, wife submit, pop out babies, etc. Dating was forbidden, a parentally approved "courtship" might be allowed if the guy was approved by your father, otherwise he would find a spouse for you.
While I was homeschooling, I formed a very deep connection to a guy about eight months older than me. I went through a lot of very socially awkward things as a teenager (including a hair loss disorder) and this guy remained my only friend. I met him when I was 11, he became my friend quickly, and though there were often times we did not see each other for months or even a year on end, every time we did have a chance to talk to each other it was an instant, deep connection. During our teenage years we were involved in the homeschool speech and debate, and when we were first getting started he refused to debate because he saw that I was not going to be partnered with anyone else in the club. What ended up happening is that the club leaders grudgingly partnered us together and the results were scary. Normally in debate, as your team listens to the other side you pass along notes to tell your partner what points to address in their cross-examination or next speech. We didn't need the notes. It was almost as if we could look at each other and understand each other exactly.
We were also "rebellious" in our teenage years; we never had a chance to call ourselves a relationship or anything, and apparently "rebellion" was sitting at the same table while eating lunch at a fast food restaurant.
Our families kinda suspected that we had romantic feelings for each other even though we had never as much as held hands or said that we loved each other (simply because it wasn't allowed.) I bring this up because when I was 17, his family moved two states away, shortly afterward telling me that he had died in a car accident. I grieved for years.
I was 21 when I met my husband, and to be honest, I was still grieving the loss of the one I considered to be my soulmate. My family did not approve of my husband either. Eventually they kicked me out and we started our marriage homeless. Today is 4 years from the day that I was kicked out.
One year into my marriage, I found out that my soulmate's parents had lied to me about the fact that he was dead. He wasn't. He had apparently been lied to about me as well, told that I was dead also in a car accident.
It's been a crazy three years since. I decided to write him (I had my husband's permission) and I thought that with ten years of no contact between us, things would be dead and over, that we would have changed too much. But his response proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were definitely not. For while we had both changed, we changed in the same direction.
Early January he admitted that he loved me, and that part of the reason he was still unmarried was with the hopes that his parents had lied to him. And I deeply love him and deeply love my husband as well, and all year I have been agonizing over the idea of having to make a choice between them. Meanwhile my husband understands that I love him and that I have never been able to stop, even though I tried. Even when I thought he was dead I was never able to stop loving him.
A week and a half ago my husband said that he would be welcome into our life, and that he realizes that if this happens he knows I would be just as committed to this as to my marriage.
So there we have it. It hasn't started yet, we're still several states away from each other, but the idea has been brought up and has been decided that this is what will be happening.
They are both bisexual, but we're starting with him just partnered with me, and if things work out, then possibly with each other. But nobody outside of the triangle.
God, I'd be married to them both if it were legal.