Compersion... am I the only one who dislikes the word?

Hardison

New member
I'm not talking about the concept, it is a great concept, it's the word itself. I hate it.

It doesn't flow off the tounge very well, it's kinda ugly and I just can't stand the look/sound of it.

The adjective frubbly and the noun frubbles are slightly better, but perhaps too informal in some cases.

I also hate that the word compersion has it's origins in a cultish commune. (when Oberon Zell calls it a cult you know it's pretty cultish... most average folk would consider CAW to be one) It makes it very hard to imagine talking to someone unfamiliar with Poly and not having them think I'm even more crazy when that comes up.
 
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Me too. Except I think that "frubbly" is stupider.

I'm not sure if I follow your last paragraph all the way through to the end, and I think I'd like to keep it that way. Please do not explain it to me.
 
I recall when I first read the word "compersion," I thought it was a typo. I thought it was supposed to be either compassion or comparison, and that whoever wrote it was stupid. Then I really disliked it when I found out it was actually a poly-specific made-up word. I tried to think of how to make an adjustment to it somehow, to be more palatable, but couldn't come up with anything.

I have since grown to like it, and I really don't know why.

As for frubbles and frubbly, I refuse to acknowledge them. If anyone uses them, I think they are being moronic and childish, and my respect for them goes down a few notches. What, are we all living in a Bambi cartoon? They are absolutely a million-billion times worse than compersion!
 
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I'm not talking about the concept, it is a great concept, it's the word itself. I hate it.

I agree. It's not a well-turned word.

The adjective frubbly and the noun frubbles are slightly better, but perhaps too informal in some cases.

Those two are just dumb as fuck. Whomever came up with those needs swatted with a rolled up newspaper.

(when Oberon Zell calls it a cult you know it's pretty cultish... most average folk would consider CAW to be one)

I'd have to say that anybody who thinks the Church of All Worlds is a cult has no clue what a cult is--thinking something is a cult simply because one has no clue what it is smacks of gross bigotry.


So, yeah, I'd rather a different word jump up to convey the meaning.
 
I don't have a problem with the word compersion, but we do already have a very similar word in our vocabulary -- empathy. From Merriam-Webster:

2 : the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also : the capacity for this
 
I don't have a problem with the word compersion, but we do already have a very similar word in our vocabulary -- empathy.
I thought compersion was being happy for your partner being happy with someone else. I've always heard it described as "the opposite of jealousy." That's not exactly empathy.
 
It seems to me thay compersion is maybe one flavor of empathy. Like, you can empathize with someone's anger and get angry for them, you can empathize with someone's sadness and feel sad that they're sad, and you can also empathize with their happiness about love and feel happy for them. The last of which would be compersion. But yeah, it's a lot less specific.
 
Compersion has come to be in such popular usage that it has even made its way into some dictionaries (IIRC). It is becoming like QWERTY keyboards. It's becoming difficult to replace. Not impossible, though. If a bunch of well read writers worked hard on it, collaboratively and intelligently, it may be doable, especially if the alternative word is pretty.
 
It seems to me thay compersion is maybe one flavor of empathy. Like, you can empathize with someone's anger and get angry for them, you can empathize with someone's sadness and feel sad that they're sad, and you can also empathize with their happiness about love and feel happy for them. The last of which would be compersion. But yeah, it's a lot less specific.

This is pretty much the best description that matches how I feel. Usually when I care about someone I can feel all of those 'flavors'. As though they were an extention of myself.

maybe use the word "happy" as a root to come up with another descriptor? hmm now all I can think of is the word 'gay' :)

Here is wikipedia's definition...
Compersion is a state of empathetic happiness and joy experienced when an individual's current or former romantic partner experiences happiness and joy through an outside source, including, but not limited to, another romantic interest.
 
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I don't have a problem with the word compersion, but we do already have a very similar word in our vocabulary -- empathy.

Empathy /= compersion. They're quite different.
 
Empathy /= compersion. They're quite different.

Some wise philosophers argue that compassion is rooted in empathy. Evan Thompson goes as far as to say that all of human consciousness roots into empathy.

I see compersion as rooting in compassion which roots in empathy. It is because of our empathy for our loved one that we experience happiness in their happiness, pleasure in their pleasure, compersion in their love of another.

Empathy isn't always about the other's pain or trouble. Sometimes we empathise with their joy. Their happiness inspires our own. (I decided not to say " ... makes us happy".
 
Those two are just dumb as fuck. Whomever came up with those needs swatted with a rolled up newspaper.
I'm actually not very fond of any of them, I can only imagine one of Nick Frost's (Hot Fuzz, Shaun of the Dead) characters using frubbly.
I kind of want there to be something that sounds like grown-ups would use the word, but sounds more like a word and less like a typo than compersion.

I'd have to say that anybody who thinks the Church of All Worlds is a cult has no clue what a cult is--thinking something is a cult simply because one has no clue what it is smacks of gross bigotry.

So many people think of any non-mainstream belief as a cult, what I was trying to say is I know nothing of Kerista, but I have heard Oberon call it a cult in an old poly weekly interview, and I figure he'd not throw that word around carelessly.
 
I dislike (slightly) compersion as a catch-phrase turned into a 'must-do'.

I kinda always wondered why you 'need' compersion, if you have respect for your partner in the first place ?
I can respect my partners' need to be out and enjoying himself away from me, without throwing them a good-bye party everytime he goes. ;)

I also have those moments where I am happy for him and his. I liken it much to that feeling when you hear anyone has good news. Getting married, having a baby, etc.

Understanding the need for the descriptor 'compersion' is quite fine by me. It means a very specific type of happiness. I get it. That does not bug me.

However the fact it is sometimes turned into some 'must-do' that everyone should strive for, reeks of that other cult-like persuasion ( meaning devotion in extremes, to a 'ideal' poly).... that can come from a small percentage of people that like to try and overrule all.
 
However the fact it is sometimes turned into some 'must-do' that everyone should strive for, reeks of that other cult-like persuasion ( meaning devotion in extremes, to a 'ideal' poly).... that can come from a small percentage of people that like to try and overrule all.

Agreed! I only heard of the term a week ago or so on this very board, and it was from a woman who was insisting that her husband wasn't allowed to watch porn because she didn't feel any compersion from it. WTF?! So... okay, the concept has a time and a place, people.

Now that the term has been defined for me better on this thread, I realize that I have felt compersion. I've thought, about my husband's conquest: "Good for you, honey! I knew you could do it! Go team!"

A pretty good feeling.
 
Now that the term has been defined for me better on this thread, I realize that I have felt compersion. I've thought, about my husband's conquest: "Good for you, honey! I knew you could do it! Go team!"

And now I'm thinking about cheerleaders. Which isn't a bad thing! :D
 
I used to not like the word compersion because it didn't sound like a real word; but I do use it often now because when talking with others, especially at discussion groups and such, it is useful for describing the situation it defines without going on and on and on. (And I'm a blabber, so I have to watch that anyway)

I could say, "When my boyfriend and his wife share a loving glance and a hug, it makes me feel nice inside to know that they love each other, and that their relationship is strong, and I also have a knowing feeling and a connection because I know what it feels like to get a loving glance from either of them, and it's energy we share,"

Or I could say, "Oh yes, I feel complete compersion for my boyfriend and his wife."

The first option has those at my discussion group falling asleep, checking their text messages or picking their nose because they've lost track, and the second one has them nodding in understanding. (Hypothetically).

So yes, I do use the word in a formal sense, but I don't use it when conversing with my partners. I have NEVER used the word frubbles or frubbly. It reminds me of muppets and bunny cartoons, and my relationships are not made of those things.
 
Don't like it...sound like some kind of lab term...cross between compression and immersion....or something to do with AC repair....you need a word that can carry the energy....
 
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