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Old 08-02-2011, 09:19 AM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
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Originally Posted by Pinky1223 View Post
We all love being together all the time....we used to think we needed alot of alone time and breaks from each other but anymore, we are all just alot happier together and we basically co-habitate in 2 houses.....

We made the rule awhile back, that we would wait a year before we starting looking at living together but the longer this relationship goes on, the more we all kinda feel like waiting that long may hurt our relationship more than help it.
I, the love commuter, know how annoying it can be to live in two or three or four houses, always having your stuff at the wrong place, always having to think ahead of what clothes you will need, can you leave your bag behind, where on earth did I leave my meds/glasses/phone etc.

But I agree with Indie; if you think your relationship will actually HURT from the wait, then it definitely needs more waiting.

Originally Posted by Pinky1223 View Post
For me #1 there are legal concerns (I watch sister wives, lol) #2 I'm worried that maybe we would be moving too fast and #3 I wonder how it is going to affect the kids........
Elaborate on these concerns. They are not going to go anywhere, even after the year's up.

Originally Posted by River View Post
I've had precisely two long term loverly relationships (current one for fifteen years), and both involved us living together nearly right away, which is weird, but true. It was a matter of circumstance. In other circumstances, I'd not have traveled that road, but it is the road I'm still on, since Kevin & I are still together these many years later.
Again with Indie. I come from a dating culture where practically co-habiting from the first overnight date onwards is the rule rather than the exception. And that works well for some mono couples. But living with three adults who are used to running independent households, and with kids involved, is just that much more complicated.

We decided to officially move in with Vanilla after knowing each other for three months and dating for two. Granted, if Flattie hadn't accepted the study placement she got, we wouldn't have made that move for years. But we work well together, and most importantly, are responsible only for ourselves. If I want to pull an all-nighter and study and sleep in the next day and miss my lectures, the only one who will suffer is me. I don't car pool with anyone, I don't have to pick-up anyone, don't have to cook if I can order pizza instead etc. etc. There's no such luxury with kids.

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I would enjoy the time you spend together and when the NRE wears off and you find that a date becomes folding laundry for an evening in front of the tv barely conscious of each other, then you are ready to talk moving in.
A good mental image to hold on to. Or when you find that after kids have gone to bed, all three just sit absorbed with their laptops, or when you are so exhausted you just collapse into bed without a thought for any hanky-panky, or become slightly annoyed when your partner wants to discuss something while you are in the middle of a really good book etc. I need to work so much from home that at this point, I could never imagine moving in with Moonlight and co. I just couldn't get the time or quiet I need for that. Do any of you have a similar situation where you really need alone-time to get something done?

Kids need stability. I don't know the specifics of your situation, i.e. would someone need to swap schools or commute much longer to hobbies, but those are all things to consider. What happens if you break up? Is it fair to up-turn the kids' lives again? What if they want to keep on living with all their siblings and three adults? What if of your triad, only one couple breaks up, but can't stand the sight of each other? Who will actually own the house? Will there be enough room for everyone? Can you afford living on your own if you need to?

Poly break-ups are like regular divorces, just hugely more complicated and with none of the legal protections.
Me: bi female in my twenties
Dating: Moonlightrunner
Metamour: Windflower
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