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Old 07-30-2009, 03:08 PM
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River River is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
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Originally Posted by XYZ123 View Post
JRiver- ....
You talk a lot about how "conditioning" is why people feel they need to be mono and how it is "false" and can be "overcome". But it isn't false. And it isn't always about conditioning.
I never said that monogamy, per se, is "false" -- which would be a plenty weird thing to say -- what could that mean? Rather, I said that the BELIEF that only monogamous (or pair-bonded, dyadic) love could be true love is false. And it is false, and that's a fact and not merely an opinion. Apparently millions of people are able to "romantically" love more than one person at a time and to have very happy and healthy polyamorous love. I keep repeating this fact in order to help counterpoise the nearly ubiquitous attitude which denies this reality by insisting that only dyadic love is "true love".

Monogamy, per se, is neither true nor false. It is monogam-ism which is false. Monogamism is the belief that only monogamous love is real and valid, and nonmonogamy is always inferior or morally wrong.

It may be true that some folks just aren't cut out for polyamory, in the sense that they simply cannot live and love this way. But I believe this is a changable condition, not a permanent one. I was myself once such a person. I changed. And I'm extremly happy that this change has occurred in myself. It's one of the most valued changes I've gone through, for I have learned many other things through the process, besides. And I feel that I much better understand what love is, because of it. True love isn't fearful and possessive, or jealous. Yet we all grew up with movies and tv shows and radio songs..., and parents, and friends, and churches..., saying that it is. Well it isn't! That, too, is false. Jealousy and fear and possessiveness... are symptoms of insecurity, doubt, and fear of lack. That's all they are. They surely are not symptoms of love. Love is much better without them.
male, bisexual & biamorous
1 long term male partner of many years.
1 male cuddly, lovey, kissy friend (very new).
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