LovingRadiance
Active member
Thanks Mono and LR, I always love it when people agree with me but I would never want KT to think that I don't want her to also post here. I'm suddenly nervous about the way this line of the thread might be misconstrued. That was in no way my intention.
Ditto!
I was just thinking-I hope Maca reads your post and goes to look.
I've already suggested he read your blog a few times.
He's struggling again too.
The rollercoaster DOES SUCK.
Unfortunately one has to CHOOSE to get off of the ride.
I've chosen to get off of his rollercoaster by taking myself to the couch.
I share this KT because he's like you-in your role in a lot of ways.
I wanted to share with you where I am at as it might help you some.
I love him. I love him SO MUCH.
But his emotional rollercoaster-it's all his.
HE IS WHO HE IS and that's ok with me.
I'm not asking him to be anything but himself-whoever that is.
But he has to decide if who he is includes being MY husband or not.
You see, I am who I am and who that is includes being polyamorous.
IF Maca told me he couldn't be my husband-I would STILL love him, respect him and honor him. I would in fact still consider him my husband even if he filed for divorce.
I would even willingly move if he needed to move to another state; so that we could continue to keep our kids in touch with both of us EASILY.
I would not go to court. I would settle out of court with him in regards to our kids and stuff. BECAUSE I love him and he has to be REAL with himself just as much as I have to be real with myself.
I haven't a clue what it is he's going to decide he needs. He is different than you in that he has figured out that he CAN be in love with two people at once.
But he's the same as you in that he keeps allowing himself to ride the emotional rollercoaster.
Ironically-all of the advice he's gotten from the christian spiritual perspective, from friends, from family, from the psychologist, from the Dr. etc is all the same as the advice I've shared with you here.....
You and only you can decide to stop allowing your emotions to control your actions. You have to choose what your course of action is, then take the steps to make it happen. It's just that simple. It SOUNDS hard-and getting started IS hard.
But it's the truth.
It's no different than an alcoholic getting clean.
They first have to choose to stop drinking alcohol. No one can make it easier-they have to suffer through the cravings, DT's etc and just NOT PICK UP THE DRINK.
You have to suffer the pain of NOT acting upon those emotions which do not lead you down the path which you want to take.
Only you know what path it is you are going to take.
But it's OBVIOUS that the path of having a loving relationship with 2rings that does not include him loving MG isn't an option.
So you have to stop thinking about it. It's not an option.
Like someone whose legs were blown off at war.
They have to stop thinking about "if I had legs..."
They don't have legs.
They aren't going to have legs.
That life is over-no matter how great it was-its done.
NOW if they want a happy life they have to build a happy life with no legs.
Your life with 2rings only being in love with you-is over.
You have to choose to have a happy life without him
or
choose to have a happy life with him that includes him being in love with MG as well.................
In truth-we all have these choices in life.
For those of us who are poly they aren't about the being in love with another issue.
BUT-we ALL have these choices in life and they are HARD CHOICES for all of us.