skipperchris
New member
Who has had experience with this approach? How did it go for you?
I think too often that people focus on the jealousy and not what's underneath it. Jealousy is often a cover for deeper feelings (usually related to fears and/or insecurities) that are difficult to handle. You can try to wish it away, avoid it, meditate about it, hide it, keep yourself preoccupied, and so on, but I believe the only way to see jealousy dissipate and lose its power over you is to look at where it's coming from and see what it is you're trying to avoid by focusing on jealousy or possessiveness. If you allow yourself to feel whatever those hard-to-handle feelings are, without judging yourself for feeling that way, they resolve and loosen their grip on you.
I think jealousy is a good thing. It means I have feelings for someone.
I don't know that you need to spend a lot of time with them to accomplish this. It might be more painful than necessary to force yourself to observe them together. If you feel moved to hang with them just out of wanting to get to know him, great, and to want to be less sensitive to it is noble and commendable, but to force that upon yourself seems too harsh to me. In other words, if you're not feeling like you want to be around the two of them, it might not be best to make yourself do it just to desensitize yourself. That would be an artificial situation, I think. You know what therapists and researchers found when people engaged in primal scream therapy and exercises to bring up their anger, when they weren't feeling angry at the time? It made them more angry. It didn't really help them "get over it." And it sounds like you are a bit impatient or scolding toward yourself by saying you need to get over it. How about work through it instead?By desensitizing I mean spending more time with my primary and her man, allowing myself to see their passion and basically get over it!!