Thread: How to explain
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Old 12-27-2012, 11:33 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

I'm not going to reply there, as I have no desire to register on ANOTHER site, but I'll try t answer here and if you want to use any of my words, you're welcome to.

As stated earlier in the thread, screwed-up kids can happen in any type of family unit. Single parent, two parents, step-parents, living with aunts/uncles/grandparents, and any gender mix (though there's a hypothesis that same-sex couples are less likely to have screwed-up kids, because they have to put far more effort and deliberateness into having kids in the first place. But that's beside the point). The key, as a poly parent myself, is whether or not there is respect shown in the way the parents conduct their relationships. Whether it's a single parent dating, the complexities of juggling two households with step-parents, or a poly family, the kids all need to see the same honesty and respect shown for oneself and one's partners. And they all need to know the same thing about their parents' sex lives: nothing beyond the fact that they have one. The rest is none of their business. LOTS of adults with kids make selfish choices, whether it's about time, relationships, money, etc. Being poly or not doesn't change one's level of selfishness. In fact, one could make the argument that being poly is MORE likely to make one a good parent, because there is already SO MUCH communication and consideration of others that needs to happen. And time management. Yes, time management is hard. For the OP, it's completely possible that the couple having a child could tear everyone's world apart. But that can happen with a mono couple who don't know what to expect when having a child also. So again, it isn't poly specifically that is the problem. Perhaps someone knows a lot of people who practice poly poorly, or a lot of poor parents. Guess what? As a teacher myself, I know a SHITLOAD of poor mono parents. And then you have the ones who are cheating...before you vilify poly people as stupid or bad parents for having children within a poly family, perhaps there should be more discussion about the many supposed "mono" people who lie, cheat, and tear their families apart with their selfish actions. Showing kids a family with love, honesty, and respect among multiple people is unlikely to be damaging, regardless of how against your own grain and biases it goes.

ETA: Or you could link the OP in that thread to this site/thread, perhaps in a private message. I think they'd likely get much more useful advice.
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack

Last edited by ThatGirlInGray; 12-27-2012 at 11:40 PM.
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