Victory

Rarechild

New member
I had a little personal victory yesterday that I'd like to share.

I have a friend that I was going to go see in a few weeks- we met in July while I was on vacation and have shared something very special ever since. We had finally agreed on a plan to re-meet and were both excited and nervous, wondering what would happen and if we would connect again in the physical world as we have online in the interim.

A little while after we agreed on this meeting, I could feel hesitation on his part and I also had my own hesitations, but I didn't want to miss a chance to finally see this beautiful man up close again.

Yesterday he told me the root of his concerns- he is afraid of getting attached and I think the imminent meeting made him really consider what he is looking for, and me being married is really hard for him to wrap his brain around still, although he's certainly tried. He told me pretty clearly that he was really searching for a traditional relationship -settling down, wife, kids- but threw in some self-doubt because I know he wants to see me as much as I do him.

Here comes the victory, which is certainly bittersweet for me but I feel like I did the most loving thing, and that's why I feel good about it. I let him go, let him off the hook, didn't argue, rejected his self-doubt as a means to get my foot in the door and told him I desire his happiness more than anything.

I am a person who has had a past of pushing most things to the absolute limit, going down every avenue until the bitter end, not relenting until all of MY questions are answered, and sometimes hurting people in that process. It felt good to think of him first, to love him by consciously putting aside my desires or any manipulation of his thinking and just letting him know he's great and should be good to himself.

Of course this means no exciting weekend in the big city with my friend just now, which I have been wanting so much, and it might mean that we don't communicate at all anymore, but I left the door open and gave him the best thing I had to give- respect and fairness.

I think I might finally be growing up. :)
 
Oh Rarechild, what a beautiful, loving thing you've done.

How exquisite it is to put your love's best interest before your own.

How bittersweet and how beautiful.

*deep sigh* :eek:

I hope your friend understands and appreciates the depth of your love and regard for him. I also hope he comes to realize love like that is a rare and precious treasure, worthy of cherishing and nurturing.

Bur whatever he chooses to do, I know you will always be blessed by this choice you've made.
 
Amazing Rarechild...this is great news! I love hearing about people focussing on what is real in relationships. You are a shining example in my books! :D :D
 
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Wow. That completely rocks. What an amazing thing to do and be :)
 
Bitter is one of the components of taste, in a literal sense, and one of the seasonings of living, in a metaphorical sense. Is there anything more bittersweet than a love one cannot obey?

Congratulations!
 
I am a person who has had a past of pushing most things to the absolute limit, going down every avenue until the bitter end, not relenting until all of MY questions are answered, and sometimes hurting people in that process. It felt good to think of him first, to love him by consciously putting aside my desires or any manipulation of his thinking and just letting him know he's great and should be good to himself.

you sound like me,
you have done something i never can do, becuase so far in my life i have never been able to let things go, i fight on and on long after i should have taken a step back

i think
i hope
i have learned something from reading you're words becasue i know there may come a time when i may need to be able to do the same.

Jools
 
Congratulations on showing such fortitude in a moment of great opportunity for love or pain-you chose love.
 
I see why you view this as a victory. And you are correct.

What a loving act that was. Thank you for sharing.
 
Happy Beginning

From my journal last night:

Amazing. Here is more evidence that letting go leads to beginnings, that saying how you feel, even while cringing from the blow you are delivering yourself in someone’s honor has rewards. Immediate rewards this time.

When I wrote you yesterday, and told you I respected you and let go of my last expectation, I knew it was right because it felt amazing to do it. Only when I tried to tell D how good it all was did I cry thinking you were out of my life and feeling the loss, but I still felt right, because I knew I did right by you.

I thought today that I have learned from this something about loving people- learned about that dreaded word sacrifice, which I hate so and even more when “self” precedes it. I thought about how self-sacrifice can be love- not always, but can be. I thought that if I didn’t let you go, I may have been able to reel you in despite your misgivings, and hurt you, and that would hurt me, because I don’t want to cause you pain, and I don’t want to cultivate a disaster scenario for you or myself.

Tonight you contacted me, which was surprising, considering how long it usually takes you to process. I expected at least a few days to pass before you responded, especially considering the situation.

We were gleeful to talk with each other. Relieved, unburdened. You thanked me. Then you did this thing that knocked me out- you started opening up-not vaguely about concepts but with trust in me that you could tell me your secrets and the details of your personal life. I know this was made possible by our exchange about where our relationship was headed, and I daresay you felt the love in my actions.

You said “How open can I be with you?” and I said as open as you wanted to be. You made me promise to keep your confidence.
WOW.

The elusive S takes a leap of faith, and all because I let you go not knowing if you would want to even stay friends or not. We talked about some other time and place that may find us in each other’s arms or just having coffee when I come to the Cape next, but agreed that life was too short to ignore the gut.

You trusted me! We ended the conversation with warm feelings of friendship and newfound reality between us. I am really astonished. I feel so rewarded. There is so much about you and me that would have been impossible for me to navigate just a year ago, or even when we met.

The way this has brought D and I closer, the beautiful, open discovery of who you are without hiding or guilt, the letting go, even talking with you about another woman was like second nature- no cattiness or squeamishness cast even the merest shadow on my concern for you.

I want your happiness, D’s happiness, my happiness, I want HAPPINESS.

I want to be surrounded by love-that’s what I want in life, because I know the hard times will keep on coming and I know that’s what love is for-so you don’t have to be alone, so you can get to the other side, so you can truly appreciate joy. I’ve changed.
 
I'm so happy you have discovered this for yourself rarechild. See, you made me feel happy too! Just by opening up and reminding me of what good comes from being true to oneself and respecting what others need. Thanks :)
 
Oh, Rarechild, how wonderful! :eek:

I am so happy for you! And for S, that he found a way to open up to you.

*misty eyes, deep sigh* How beautiful you are, precious one. :eek:
 
This feels so much better than "fuck you, then!" or "it's your loss".

You all have had a great impact on this Rarechild. I can't tell you how much all your advice and support has meant to me. I hope someday I get to hug some of you and say thanks in real life.
 
I want to be surrounded by love-that’s what I want in life, because I know the hard times will keep on coming and I know that’s what love is for-so you don’t have to be alone, so you can get to the other side, so you can truly appreciate joy. I’ve changed.

:)
 
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