little quirks, that's me

quick ending to cliffhanger

the short story to last post's cliffhanger:

It took another month for us to actually "hook-up" and in the first week of seeing each other, he went on a road trip and the second week I went to follow The Dead. We married a year in a half later after living together for over one year. I'll get back to DH & I but really really want to share some changes to now.
 
lately

Been so busy! Started a new job last Monday. I LOVE IT!!!

So PR and I are officially (it's still unclear exactly how much) dating/seeing each other. He's gotten a little over his issue of finding the "one" and only for now. I sent him a link to morethantwo.com. He and DH discussed everything. That DH is completely fine with PR having feelings for me and I him.

Although, PR did too much thinking last time we saw each other so he wasn't quite up to his normal bedroom performance.

PR and I are trying to see each this Thursday. Schedules are hard for us to do in the evenings after I am off work. PR is a nurse and works 2-11 and on his days off he has his kids. The only way we'll see each other is after 11 (ouch I work at 7:30). Hopefully as his schedule rotates every 6 or 8 weeks we'll have some weekend nights to see each other.

And the location: he can't at his place, we can here but that is with DH being home and that usually is a tag team situation. I'd really like to have some real alone time with PR. We have been discussing a hotel...but cash flow wise, not really practical until I get my first check to go halves on it.

I'll get back to some history sometime soon but for now...busy, busy, busy.:D
 
Glad you are enjoying the job.

Also glad, PR has finally come around. I hope it works out for you all.
 
the location: he can't at his place, we can here but that is with DH being home and that usually is a tag team situation. I'd really like to have some real alone time with PR. We have been discussing a hotel...but cash flow wise, not really practical until I get my first check to go halves on it.

Your dh is totally against giving you and PR time alone at your place? Have you talked about that as an option?
 
Your dh is totally against giving you and PR time alone at your place? Have you talked about that as an option?

Actually DH is fine with PR coming over and the two of us having alone time in the bedroom but we have 3 kiddos so if the youngest (she's 2-1/2) wakes an adult needs to be here for that. It's more PR having some mental issues of being alone in the bedroom, it's always been the three of us in there.

I'm thinking this Thursday we'll meet here and just roll with it. DH already suggested we meet here and he'd keep himself busy playing the xbox. :D
 
He cancelled

I got a text yesterday saying "shit" from PR. I ask back "what's up". He "puking for last two hours"...backstory he met someone a few days ago (I am 100% okay with it, no jealousy, no insecurity) but I had this nagging feeling PR wasn't being honest yesterday when he cancelled on me.

I was telling DH about it and he advised yesterday to just be patient. Then PR texts me today he has a date, etc. More backstory...when I've been trying to get a "date" on PR's days off he keeps giving me an excuse of having his kids. So today is his day off and he's out on a date.

My intuition is telling me to just let it go. Yes I care for him and do not want to end our friendship. I just don't want to be his "rebound" for ever. I want a relationship not a sex-ship. And he's put me in a position that I will be going into for std tests in the next month because he had sex with his last girlfriend without protection (we are fluid bonded) and he never told me...I discovered in his story of OM trying to get herself pregnant by him. (When PR and I decided to try a relationship I explained my boundaries of safe sex and telling me when he doesn't use protection). I really care for him but I have no energy to wait around and be told one week he wants to be mono and then the next week whining to me about why he's down.

DH now understands what I was talking about yesterday. I don't believe he was ill. I think because of how long we go in bed and worn out I make him, he cancelled so he would have energy for this new person and their date tonight.

So I'm setting my parameters of meeting someone for them to at least be within my area and not 30 minutes away, to not live in the basement of their parents house, to have a vehicle (not PR but another guy I had a connection with) and that he has a place we can meet at (whether he's single or lives with roommates - weeds out the cheaters whose wife doesn't know her husband is screwing around on her). At least with this sort of preference I won't be wasting my time. I've been with PR since early July and even though the sex is hot...emotionally I'm not fulfilled by it.

Gosh it feels good to make this decision.
 
I love your list of parameters, especially since my boyfriend is the exact opposite on all of it. Wish that wasn't the case myself, but now I'm in love with him and I'm stuck on all points. Gah! It's a good idea to set all those out ahead of time, for sure!
 
I think because of how long we go in bed and worn out I make him, he cancelled so he would have energy for this new person and their date tonight.

Bummer!

So I'm setting my parameters of meeting someone... he has a place we can meet at (whether he's single or lives with roommates - weeds out the cheaters whose wife doesn't know her husband is screwing around on her).

Or, like in my case, I've got a long term gf and she's never had a problem with me having an OSO over to have sex with/hang out with, while she is in the house! She has no problem either socializing with my date and then waving bye bye as we go off to fuck, or just disappearing so he and I can be completely alone. And more recently I had the opportunity to return the favor when she had a guy over here as well.

I know some couples won't let one of them have a date over unless both members of the couple get to have a 3way with the date, but that's not how we do it.

Gosh it feels good to make this decision.

Best wishes as you move forward!
 
Apparently the living 30there minute away parameter might be too much to ask for. Ah I love the beauty of North Idaho yet society here is still a bit of ten years ago. Funny I kinda felt trying to meet anyone possibly interested in meeting as a long term possibility and then viola...a poly guy contacts me on Okc. We had already emailed each other last month about forming a subgroup for the meetup group since 90%you of members are not here. Well after a few emails I haven't heard back from him. In one of his emails it sounded like he & his wife had been looking for their unicorn. Guess since that is not going to be me...contact ceased.

But my funny is once I decided in my mind to stop looking I get contacted. Not one but two. This is why the no 30 minute away parameter isn't going to work. I've continued online conversation with one of them. Definitely there's mutual attraction. He's accepting of polyamory and that I'm happily married yet looking for another. He passed my other parameter tests & we have our first date Saturday.

I did end it with PR officially last week. We agreed to stay friends but I doubt DH & I will hear from him again. That's ok. My feelings for PR led DH & I to polyamory. Who knows how long it would've taken us to figure it out, maybe months or even years.

Speaking of DH, he is so supportive of me & my new connection, enjoying my new bliss that benefits him too. And he starts a new job tomorrow & this means no more opposite schedules. This is good for him, the kids & I, having a bit of a "normal" work schedule.

Night time calls...me to bed.
 
his Numandsv

omg posting from my cell sucks. so many words put in there that I never even saw. yikes!
 
been a while

so last i blogged was i had a date for last saturday, i think. well that ended up cancelled. DH had a tooth infection that started the Thursday before the weekend. When I woke Friday morning I "sensed" (I do have some good intuition or esp or something) this guy Matt had sort of or was going to "disappear" on me. He said he was still interested, extremely overworked, ill etc. Friday at midnight took DH to ER due to swelling of face. That was our best experience ever in an emergency room. The staff was friendly and cracking jokes left and right.

Saturday Matt still kept leading me on, that's how I feel about it, that he was still interested etc. Tuesday night we actually met. He is a veteran, very young too, and is on 3 types of pain pills and has moments of intensity and moments of depression. I liked him but I can't deal with the emotional rollercoaster. We parted as friends.

During this time DH had some luck on okc. One had planned a date and then cancelled. The day she cancelled another lady actually was very interested in him. They had their first date Friday night. He had lots of fun. I only had an issue with him not giving me a heads up on how late he was going to be. If she lived in town, there would have been none but being 45 minutes away I started to worry he was ok as it got closer to 2 am. I knew they might drink and he hadn't text to say when he'd be home.

Friday night has led us to have a few boundaries in place for now. These "rules" are malable, evolving and changeable as each of our relationships evolve to deeper emotional relationships. Love is ever changing. We both admit if we did not have kids...less boundaries at this time.

All of this is good for us. Once he got home and showered we had awesome sexy times of our own. During the night the kids kept me busy, I didn't experience any yucky feelings and once the house settled into slumber my hand satisfied me.

Their next date is Wed. It was scheduled for Tuesday but I'm having a biopsy of my thyroid tumor (it was discovered during last pregnancy and now has grown to a size that dictates this procedure). Lucky me. If it's cancerous, I was told by the endocrinologist who found it "it's the best cancer to get". I've been living with this knowledge for 2 years 8 months now. I'm scared and relieved at the same time. Finally it will get resolved. It will either be benign and gone after the biopsy or is cancerous and treated. I will finally be free of a nagging fear that I have not been able to do anything to fix it myself.

During the time Matt was playing me, online I met a few others. One who is interested in dating is PV (yes his first name is same as PRs--I thought that was weird). He's on the road right now and expects to be home in a couple of hours. I want to go and not get much sleep tonight but I also want my sleep. The trials of liking someone.:D

I do miss the forum and wish I could be on more. I am in a happy place, feeling lots of love for my husband, very excited he's met someone and that our journey in poly has began slow.
 
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I am glad you updated, and I do hope everything turns out okay with your biopsy.

I am glad your poly life is off to a great start.

Ry
 
Biopsy results showed abnormalities and the lab won't say cancer but basically it's cancer stage 1. The goal now is to cut part of it out, test it, and take the rest of the thyroid out.

Due to my age it's likely the surgery will resolve it as the probability of it spreading is low. Now I wait for the surgeon's office to call to schedule a pre-surgery consultation and the surgery.

It's strange because I am told, again, that to get cancer thyroid is the one that is survivable. I am not afraid, really can't be and can't stress as what good will that do?
 
Yikes! Still scary. When will you have the surgery?
 
Yikes! Still scary. When will you have the surgery?

Consult is Wed and then it'll get scheduled. Probably that following week.
 
Well after my news on Thursday, DH cancelled his plans with SF for tonight's costume party. After 19 years of being with someone, I am still amazed to discover new things about my love. He and I are definitely different in some aspects to dealing with stress and pain. For him, if the roles were reversed and he just found out his thyroid tumor could be/could not be cancerous (because that is the reality of the biopsy~the lab can't just say either way so the safe thing to do is remove it {and I found out more about this but that's for later}) he would be very upset with me that I did not cancel my plans with new romantic partners. Yes I made that plural because he likes SF but in reality, he's actually digging on M. But for me, as it isn't that bad, I was fine he had plans and a little upset he cancelled. To be fair, he also found out his father may not be around much longer and that is also freaking him out. Still, he and I deal with this type of news so differently.

M and DH had been talking on okc, had plans for lunch and then he sort of chickened out and his whole tooth infection came too. So M and SF are best friends and M suggested SF check out DH's profile on okc. DH and SF hit it off, met with M offering her home to them for their first meeting. But when DH met M and the conversations they've had after, he's actually feeling more of a connection to her. Now he's in a quandry, has told M he is feeling something for her but if it's not reciprocated he doesn't want to say anything to SF nor does he want to come between their friendship. Knowing DH like I do, it smells to me like he'd rather not deal with these feelings and focus 100% on me. The timing of my results sort of played into his hands.

So for about the next 3 weeks, until my surgery, and maybe a few more after due to recovery, I sense DH will be 100% about me, letting these friendships go by the wayside. I hope he doesn't as I don't plan to stop my communication with a few gentlemen friends I have (haven't met them yet and I will be putting off meeting any one until I feel I'm ready, maybe).

So the thing about my thyroid. I have a cousin, same age as me, have this happen to her 10 years ago. The tumor was benign and she now has a scar on her neck to show for it. The point is...same lab results, same type of discovery of the tumor to go under the knife and have it be benign. I am hoping for the same results but even if they are not, cutting it out will most likely end it and put it into remission.

Ah, so this world of mine. I have come to like through messages a few guys, have had a few be a little off and a few, just want sex. I think that the time for me to date will be after the surgery. This might be best to for dh to develop his other relationships, get into a rhythm and feel good with his choices. Now I need to see if tomorrow's date with NS is on or not. He and I have been trying to meet each other since July. We both get busy, stop texting and then revisit each other on okc, striking up the conversation over again.
 
well my poly activity appears to have come to a standstill. again another cancelled meeting. not sure what's up cuz i try to make sure the person is very aware of what i am looking for. i have met some long distance who would like a relationship with me but honestly, i have not the energy for that and there are no boyfriend's past as when they ended there was a reason for it.

but again, a possible guy i was talking with through the summer is still interested. so i will see where this goes. he's young, cute and willing to come pick me up or meet me. that's a good sign, so far.

onto the thyroid tumor:
My surgery is Dec 5th. There are some risks involved. I had two options for my surgery. One was for the surgeon to completely remove my thyroid, not just the nodule that is suspicious for cancer. The upside: if it is cancer it will all be taken out and removed. The downside: I will have to take medicine the rest of my life and due to the nerves of my vocal chords being right there, risk losing my voice for the rest of my life.

The second is: while under they cut out a part of the tumorous nodule, send it to the lab for testing, wait for the pre-lims: If it is cancerous on initial testing, we are at option one no matter what. If it appears non-cancerous, they'll continue to remove this nodule, treat inside with radioactive iodine, seal me up. Then about 5 days later the lab will have their final answer: cancer or not. If it is cancer, I go back in to have the thyroid completely removed.

Wish it was more straight forward, that would make the end result more of a known. Alas it isn't. They called and left a message yesterday that I need to start an iodine free (or low iodine) diet. So grocery shopping last night was interesting. I found a cookbook from the thyroid cancer survivors assoc and will be reading through that today. I am so not looking forward to Thanksgiving dinner now....I probably will have to make my own separate meal. Oh well...I'll figure out from the cookbook what I can and cannot eat and hopefully I can get my mil to not use too many iodine based ingredients or spices.
 
I am sorry you have this health issue! Good luck with the surgery decision-making.

I am glad you have a guy or two waiting in the wings for when you are healthy enough to go forward in the romance department.

And I am glad your h is so supportive of you, as he also begins his poly journey.
 
Thanks Magdlyn - I'm going with option 2 for now. I also realize I still have questions for the surgeon, basically, how many of these surgeries has he done. I typically don't ask the right kinds of questions, basically, the doctor's resume. He was recommended to me by a friend who happens to work at his office. I'm sure he is highly skilled and his warning about nerve damage is more of a cover his ass situation than that he isn't too experienced. The low iodine diet, I found a thyroid cancer survivor's forum and have been told being put on that so soon before surgery is cruel, etc. I guess the nurse may have not been specific enough in her message (just because an employee is clueless doesn't mean the doc actually is and come to think of it, I do feel she is clueless because at the appointment she couldn't find the ultrasounds from my endocrinologist so was trying to find a u/s for the appt...but the surgeon had already read them before the appointment...so yeah maybe she's a dim wit).

DH's poly relationships are interesting. SF he likes but has really found a connection with MG. The problem is they are bestie's but he can't let himself just be in a relationship with a person he only feels like being friends with and pass up a relationship with MG, whom he feels strongly for. MG also feels a connection with him. She's coming over to our house Tuesday for her and DH to make some food together. I am so happy for him that in these months of feeling envy because I've had a lot of messages on okc, he actually is starting a true relationship. I'm happy for him because he's happy. This is a pretty cool place to be.

I, myself, may be a little envious, but it's total okay for him to move forward. I'd rather it be months before I have another who is truly interested in me than a nsa/fwb situation. I'm not a swinger anymore and just don't get excited by those type of proposals. Yes I love sex, but I came to poly because I felt love for another and even though that relationship is over, now that I know who I am, there is no going back in time.
 
I wish you a successful surgery and recovery.

I hope your husband's relationship(s) continue to flourish. :)

Ry
 
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