Online Dating… OKCupid... what a trip. What works for you?

I have come to the conclusion that online dating is very difficult. I have had a few back and forths, and made a few friends. Sometimes though it really makes me feel even more lonely because I wonder if there are any "real" people out there at all. It is nice to have someone else to talk to. I could be too idealistic too I suppose...

Also in this day and age of employers trolling the internet and face recognition, I am very reluctant to put my picture on any kind of a profile... I realize that might be part of my problem.
 
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For the past 8 years all of my connections have been found online. I'm terrible at talking to men in person and am far more eloquent in writing to begin with. At least if your intentions and interests are all out in the open on a profile then you can see immediately if your ideologies match. It is not merely about someone's picture, it's how they write, what they say/don't say, if their words offer a glimmer of attraction on a mental level.

This is very similar to how I am. I'm pretty shy in person, and feel more comfortable writing then talking, at least in the beginning. I like that we can find people online with similar interests before we connect with them. I don't "date" online, but I have found many close friends...sadly they are closer than the friends I've made irl since I moved here...one of the few close friends I have irl, I met online. I would have been way to shy to talk to her if I hadn't already met her online. Sure, you have lots of bs and scamming going on, but there's just as much of that irl...I mean how many people try to bs you when you're at a bar or a club? *laughs*
 
I made a friend on MYB that is JU?ST a friend. She is now KNOWN for doing just that. She makes "friends" with a guy, gets him to take her out on a couple dates, then gives him the "I just wanna be friends" speech. Bah!

She dates every other night with a different guy, and hasn't slept with any of them. (Kinda admirable, but kinda not) Basically, she is a tease. I joke with her, but that's as far as it will ever go. I found it odd that she was so chummy with me after only talking to me a couple times. I mean, she treated me like a a guy she had known for many years. More like a brother than anything. Kinda nice, but I still don't know how to act around her....So I just try to avoid a little right now. So there is NO CHANCE of her trying to go any further with it. I don't want that kinda drama that is attached to that kind of acting. LOL
 
I made a friend on MYB that is JU?ST a friend. She is now KNOWN for doing just that. She makes "friends" with a guy, gets him to take her out on a couple dates, then gives him the "I just wanna be friends" speech. Bah!

She dates every other night with a different guy, and hasn't slept with any of them. (Kinda admirable, but kinda not) Basically, she is a tease.

That's kind of harsh. Sounds like she just likes to date lots of people to see if there's a possibility, but she's picky and decides after a few dates that the guy is not for her. Nothing wrong with that. She's trying out everyone, and not having sex with anyone, until the right guy comes along. And maybe she just really wants friends.
 
'Gets him' to take her out ? I am sure it is totally a one-sided thing. He was drawn in by her man-eating powers, against his will. :rolleyes:

I am happily a tease. I say so upfront. Its the very rare individual that gets more then flirting and friendship from me. Some of us prefer to stack the odds in our favour, that we will have a good time in bed with someone before we drop our clothing.

There is no problem with any type of approach or method, as long as everyone is in the know, and not being misled. If she was on date 10, and kept saying 'next time' to carry on getting free dinners, then she might be a jackass.
Otherwise 2 dates does not get you nookie, in any rule book of guarantees.

As long as she is upfront about it, try enjoying the friendship, instead of making it sound like she has a problem.

Oh,..btw,.. My FWB is someone I knew 2 years before we ever dropped clothing. So yeah,..what nycindie said.
 
I made a friend on MYB that is JU?ST a friend. She is now KNOWN for doing just that. She makes "friends" with a guy, gets him to take her out on a couple dates, then gives him the "I just wanna be friends" speech. Bah!

She dates every other night with a different guy, and hasn't slept with any of them. (Kinda admirable, but kinda not) Basically, she is a tease. I joke with her, but that's as far as it will ever go. I found it odd that she was so chummy with me after only talking to me a couple times. I mean, she treated me like a a guy she had known for many years. More like a brother than anything. Kinda nice, but I still don't know how to act around her....So I just try to avoid a little right now. So there is NO CHANCE of her trying to go any further with it. I don't want that kinda drama that is attached to that kind of acting. LOL

Wow...I don't go out very often, but I would hate to think that every guy I talk to feels this way. My husband and I are both very...cautious about who we invite into our bedroom. We have kids, so we also don't invite many people to our house. So although we are both poly, we haven't slept with very many people that we talk to. I'm very shy in person, so it would take me a while to feel comfortable enough to sleep with someone. Besides, I need friends more than lovers. I don't have many irl, and I certainly don't think of them as "just" friends. They are so precious to me. My husband goes out of town a lot for work, and I don't have a car, so my friends (mostly online) keep me from feeling so lonely. I don't consider it teasing. I love sex, it just has to be right, and once I'm comfortable enough, I don't hold back. :)
 
She dates every other night with a different guy, and hasn't slept with any of them. (Kinda admirable, but kinda not)

Women are either prudes or whores. There's nothing in between. :rolleyes:

Those poor guys, she could at least put out for a FEW of them.
 
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Women are either prudes or whores. There's nothing in between. :rolleyes:

Those poor guys, she could at least put out for a FEW of them.

Wow, I wonder which category I'd fit into...Guess it depends who's sorting. Anyway, why should anyone have to put out if they don't want to? I remember this party I went to for an on-line friend. I "knew" a few of the people from online, knew what they looked like...but guess what...Out of 40-50 people that randomly showed up on and off that night...only remotely interested in three. No matter how much you like someone online, you still don't know how chemistry will be when you meet. BTW, did not put out that night. Being the way I am, my husband and I hung out with the couple I met at that party a few times before anything ever happened between us...
 
Wow, I wonder which category I'd fit into...Guess it depends who's sorting. Anyway, why should anyone have to put out if they don't want to? I remember this party I went to for an on-line friend. I "knew" a few of the people from online, knew what they looked like...but guess what...Out of 40-50 people that randomly showed up on and off that night...only remotely interested in three. No matter how much you like someone online, you still don't know how chemistry will be when you meet. BTW, did not put out that night. Being the way I am, my husband and I hung out with the couple I met at that party a few times before anything ever happened between us...

You do realize I was being very sarcastic? Do you really think that I think women are either prudes or whores, and that they should put out? Are you aware that I'm a female? Did you notice that I bolded TL's remark about "kinda admirable" and I was responding to that?
 
I made a friend on MYB that is JU?ST a friend. She is now KNOWN for doing just that. She makes "friends" with a guy, gets him to take her out on a couple dates, then gives him the "I just wanna be friends" speech. Bah!

She dates every other night with a different guy, and hasn't slept with any of them. (Kinda admirable, but kinda not) Basically, she is a tease. I joke with her, but that's as far as it will ever go. I found it odd that she was so chummy with me after only talking to me a couple times. I mean, she treated me like a a guy she had known for many years. More like a brother than anything. Kinda nice, but I still don't know how to act around her....So I just try to avoid a little right now. So there is NO CHANCE of her trying to go any further with it. I don't want that kinda drama that is attached to that kind of acting. LOL

Oil Man has run into several women like your 'friend'. He's told me that many men believe there are lots of women on sites like Okcupid, plenty of fish, who are not actually interested in relationships, or even casual hookups. What they want is attention from men, and men to pay the bill for dates - dinners, movies, etc. While it is perfectly fine not to sleep with one's dates, it does seem, well, fishy to seek attention while paying for nothing.
 
You do realize I was being very sarcastic? Do you really think that I think women are either prudes or whores, and that they should put out? Are you aware that I'm a female? Did you notice that I bolded TL's remark about "kinda admirable" and I was responding to that?

*laughs* Ahhh...the problems of not being able to hear someone's voice or facial expressions. Relax, I wasn't angrily replying...or trying to criticize, just people do think this way...the putting out part, not the one or the other comment. After all, there are people out there that believe if you're poly you're a whore.(I've been called that and worse simply because I refused to leave my husband) Why would I feel this way about people? I wouldn't have thought anything regardless of whether you were a male or female. The party thing was just an example of the way things go in my life. Some people would look n say I'm a whore for going in the first place or for (eventually) going home with another couple...some would say I was teasing my poor on-line flirtations for not following through. Always it's a matter of perspective, just as most things are. Hopefully I'm being clear. As I said in a different post, I'm having doubts about my communication skills and will just keep trying until I can be understood.
 
Oil Man has run into several women like your 'friend' . . . What they want is attention from men, and men to pay the bill for dates - dinners, movies, etc. While it is perfectly fine not to sleep with one's dates, it does seem, well, fishy to seek attention while paying for nothing.

I've only had one guy out of the nine I met from OKC pay for everything on a date. Everyone else goes Dutch with me, and not because I insisted but because they just started splitting the bill when it came. I thought that times had changed since my pre-marital dating days and that guys just don't do that anymore. I mean, if I don't have money, I don't go out. Yet, an acquaintance of mine says she never pays on dates. Where are these guys and what am I doing wrong??? :rolleyes:
 
The funniest thing about this discussion is that it's nothing new. This is all stuff I can remember talking about in high school. The girls that some guys consider a tease...yet guys still take them out and buy them presents. *shrugs* I don't know what's going on inside anyone's heads, so I try not to criticize if I can help it. Everyone has their own perspective and opinions whether I agree with them or not, male or female. On-line or off, people are who they are.

I don't really identify with girls who fish for presents and free meals, I've just never been comfortable with anyone, especially strangers, spending too much money on me...but I did ask about it once. I was told. "1. I never said I'd sleep with any of them. 2. I enjoy going out and getting presents. If they want to spend the money, why should I say no? 4. If they don't like it, they don't have to ask me out." (This was in high school lol) My guy friend, when asked why he bothered to ask this girl out he said. "She's cute and I like her. When I like a girl I take her someplace nice and get her something...and she may have a rep, but...you never know.":p
 
Well, I've never gone out on a date with her. Lets get that out of the way right now. Never had the interest to. I thought she was nice at first, and I also thought that MAYBE....BIG MAYBE....down the road, there might be a possibility of something more than just a friendship......maybe.

Then I started seeing that she was all goo goo over guys who proclaimed to have money...or power of some sort. (cops, attorneys, doctors, etc etc) Then I noticed that she would go out on a date, to a place that she absolutely DETESTED (a country bar. She HATES country), in an effort to get the guy to take her out somewhere else. Then her pics on MYB started getting sluttier and sluttier.

All the while, she was trying to act like my sister. :rolleyes: She brags about how much these guys spend on her. And each guy, thinks he's the only one she's dating. :rolleyes:

Now, I'm all for dating a lot. ALL for it. BUT....Dating a different guy every other night, and almost never getting past a third or fourth date, is odd to me. Also, SHE is the one bragging to ME about how she dates all these guys, but never sleeps with any. Then she bitches about how bad she wants to get laid. :rolleyes: I told her once, that I was tempted to fuck her just to get her to shut up about how horny and "hard up" she was. She laughed.

No, she's not a slut. Is she a prude? I doubt it. She IS selective.....but to play with these guys and keep them thinking they are all the only guy she's seeing, is wrong.
 
She brags about how much these guys spend on her. And each guy, thinks he's the only one she's dating. :rolleyes:

Yup, totally do not identify with this girl at all. I do know people like that, unfortunately. It might be nice to have court side seats at games and limo rides and diamonds (Yes, this is someone I know), but it's not really anything that anyone should brag about...and lying to these guys is definitely not cool. Frankly, sounds almost like she's trying to find your angle and play you too. Kind of like, "I only play with these guys to get stuff and I don't even have to sleep with them...but you..." lol who knows! Takes all kinds I guess. Either way, it's not limited to on-line dating, those types are everywhere unfortunately...
 
Well, she could even sleep with me...or even wake me up with a hummer. I'm not spending any money on her. LOL

I've actually begun distancing myself from her so she doesn't message me anymore. I got tired of her asking me to tell other guys (who CLAIM to be cops but really aren't) that she "just wants to be handcuffed". I mean...REALLY? THAT starved for attention? Come on!

I deliberatly stay away from people like that.

Kandy and I just met a "couple" on MYB last night. They CLAIM to be very similar to us. Oddly enough, the guy seems to be talking to Kandy a LOT, while his "wife" has said a couple words here or there. The next "odd" part, is that the guy sets up a time to meet with us, when his "wife" is conveniently out on a date with someone else. Yet "they" claim to be a poly couple looking for another poly cpl. Also "they" claim to be looking for a quad type relationship with them, and us. :rolleyes: Yet the only one we get to meet, is the guy.

Blahhh...Most guys are all the same, and think that my wife and I will not see through their guise. Bummer for them AND us. Oh well....

Nevermind me while I sink further into a depression. bah!
 
Nevermind me while I sink further into a depression. bah!

Awww...*hugs* Don't be sad! I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for! You know, it's rare to find one person who wants the same thing that you do...even rarer to find a couple! It just makes the one(s) you find that much more precious! *laughs* It would almost be the opposite with my husband and I. He goes out of town a lot, so chances are...anyone asking to meet us would be more likely to meet me than him, unless they happen to live in the town he's working in at the moment.:p
 
LOL! Well, her drama continues. :rolleyes: She just told Kandy that she wanted me to take down a pic of her and Kandy together outside of a restraunt. Whatever. I just took her off my friends list. She asked Kandy...not even asked me. Whatever. Now she's telling Kandy that she only told her, because she didn't see me online. Oddly enough, I was online at the same time she started messaging Kandy. Pffff...whatever....again.

I've almost decided that there are no women out there, who will ever equal my wife, or...if they can equal her....will not put up with me. :p LOL So....sigh.....move on to the next stage in my life; pain...and retirement.
 
Wow TL4everu2, she sounds like her brain is still in high school! Asking you to pass messages to other guys? Asking your wife to pass a message to you? ...and if it's on-line, I wouldn't buy the "didn't see you online" because you can always leave a message. Whatever, sounds like you're better off! In any case, of course you're not going to find anyone as good as your wife! That's why she's your wife! That doesn't mean you won't find someone that deserves your time and your love...The thing is, knowing how rare this person is...will make you appreciate her/them all the more, because you know for sure that you can't just pick up any old person off the street to get what you want. Also, I'm sure this whole thing is making you appreciate your wife more lol. Hopefully you let her know it as often as possible! :)
 
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