This is a lot of work. (TP's story, when she feels like updating)

Thanks, guys. Reassuring to know my thoughts aren't just going into the ether. :eek:

Just focus on what is real right now, TP. Two men love you, you're getting married, everyone is doing well within those that really need to know. Give the rest time :)
 
But that triggered something. Something I couldn't figure out at first. Then I got it. I feel like some sort of dirty secret. In four months, I've never met his work friends. I've met one other friend. His parents don't even know he has a girlfriend. (And he doesn't need to even mention poly to them, as previously agreed on by the three of us.)

*hugs* tp. This is a crappy feeling. I think this comes up with everyone. The time when "coming out" feels like it shoudl be something, but then the reality hits, what, when, how and to who etc.
 
*hugs* tp. This is a crappy feeling. I think this comes up with everyone. The time when "coming out" feels like it shoudl be something, but then the reality hits, what, when, how and to who etc.

I should mention that his work friends know the particulars of our situation. This really is a "typical" relationship problem, only compounded by the poly fact.

I do believe I am projecting poly insecurities onto it, though there is a problem there with my need to feel a larger part of his life not being met. But he has to work through his issues.

@Mono, you're absolutely right. I've got love and respect and awesomeness all around me. Living in the now is something that is very hard for me to do. That's a work in progress.
 
Hugs from me, as well!

Marriages can be a real stress factor. Ours wasn't stressful because of the money (we got the perfect wedding, exactly how we wanted it, for 500 bucks tops. But we hate the fancy stuff, so we just went to a restaurant and then bowling, playing pool and arcade games) but in our case everyone was calling us a few days before the wedding asking us to book hotels for them.
What the hell? Not only did we inform everyone 6 months early at the latest, but we're not booking agents! They were all adults and, on top of that, who knows what hotels are good in the place where they live? I've never needed to stay at a hotel in Paris, they would have been better off asking friends!

Anyways, the stress was pretty bad right before the wedding, but it all vanished on the day itself, and it was a fantastic day. I'm sure yours will be equally enjoyable for you, TP :)

As for being a dirty little secret, I can certainly understand why you'd feel bad about it. I hate having to "hide" Sean to so many people, but Raga isn't ready to let his family or most of his friends and coworkers know about it yet... And well, since I'm an expat, that's the people I deal with. Every time I have to stop myself from mentioning him I feel a bit bad, because I would want to show him off to everyone!
In our case, Raga thinks it would be best if he had someone too when we announce it, because he's afraid... well, I guess he's afraid people will have a bad opinion of me otherwise... and perhaps of him for letting me.

Sean is going to spend the holidays with us, so I'm very curious how that's going to develop! Especially since Raga's parents are giving Sean and me a ride to the airport when he leaves... I can't imagine not being able to kiss him bye when I don't know how much longer it will be before I see him again!

...Not trying to hijack your blog here, TP, just saying I think I can relate to the way you feel to some extent. You've got all of my support!
 
...Not trying to hijack your blog here, TP, just saying I think I can relate to the way you feel to some extent. You've got all of my support!

Not hijacking. I love hearing from people. :)

I think we won't ever get to come out to Indigo's parents until he has someone special, too.

I do feel weird at times, as though I'm some sort of slut for having TWO men. I worry what people might think of Indigo for "allowing" me to do this.

On a happier note, I got to go home from work, I had a run, and now I'm eating soup while working. Going to reward myself with a scrumptious bubblebath when the day is done!!
 
In our case, Raga thinks it would be best if he had someone too when we announce it, because he's afraid... well, I guess he's afraid people will have a bad opinion of me otherwise... and perhaps of him for letting me

This really does hit the nail on the head of how I feel. I've made a mental list of coming out to people and prioritized it based on how I think they will react and if I want/need them to know....I'm a list maker by personality and profession....I've come out to the two closest people in my life (next to you my darling) and both reactions were good. One being a Research Chemist had a lot of straightforward, empirically based questions; the other more just talked about how much it meant to him to have me tell him (I've known him for 20 years and we've been like brothers since day one) but he knew what Poly was when I told him, I had to explain it to the Chemist. I am reticent to tell my family because I don't want them to jump to conclusions or judge TP or myself. I know I will come out to them but when I can accurately judge that I don't feel I need to justify myself and the life TP and I lead to them.

I think we won't ever get to come out to Indigo's parents until he has someone special, too.

I do feel weird at times, as though I'm some sort of slut for having TWO men. I worry what people might think of Indigo for "allowing" me to do this.

Perish the thought my love, you're only a slut in the best possible ways. ;) My concern is for how the reactions of people will make you feel not how they see you. If you recall when you came out to your father, a lot of his questions seemed to make the assumption that I had pushed you into Poly not that it was a mutual, well discussed decision; I know how that made me feel, thinking your father thought I was this guy forcing something on his daughter (it was a dramatic reaction, I know) and I don't want you to feel that.

As long as we know where we stand, the path is always clear. And with you my love.
 
...and many many more hugs ({})

You know, weddings don't Have to deplete your nest egg but I understand many people have a particular image of the wedding they want for themselves and what will make them happy so that is cool. I, for one, do want to have a commitment ceremony with someone or a few people one day (not looking like that's close to fruition in any way though). I want it to be simple with me, them, someone to unite us, and our two witnesses (which will be a friend-girl of mine and her husband who will also serve as the photography (friend-girl) since she does it on the side) on an island at the water somewhere. I'm thinking probably Jamaica since my adoptive father is from there and it won't cost a lot to get us there with his connections. I will pay for the round-trip flights for all parties but my friend-girl and her husband will have to take care of their room, meal, entertainment expenses. The attire will be inexpensive- most likely crepe, georgette, or batiste fabric- perfect for light, flowy items and rolling around in the sand having sex:D. Lastly, our rings will consist of the Egyptian Infinity symbol being tattooed around our finger of choice. *clapping with excitement just thinking about it* :)

Enjoy your run. *hugs*
 
Thank you for the support, everyone! I jogged, got work done, and talked with both guys. It really helped me.

...and many many more hugs ({})

You know, weddings don't Have to deplete your nest egg but I understand many people have a particular image of the wedding they want for themselves and what will make them happy so that is cool. I, for one, do want to have a commitment ceremony with someone or a few people one day (not looking like that's close to fruition in any way though). I want it to be simple with me, them, someone to unite us, and our two witnesses (which will be a friend-girl of mine and her husband who will also serve as the photography (friend-girl) since she does it on the side) on an island at the water somewhere. I'm thinking probably Jamaica since my adoptive father is from there and it won't cost a lot to get us there with his connections. I will pay for the round-trip flights for all parties but my friend-girl and her husband will have to take care of their room, meal, entertainment expenses. The attire will be inexpensive- most likely crepe, georgette, or batiste fabric- perfect for light, flowy items and rolling around in the sand having sex:D. Lastly, our rings will consist of the Egyptian Infinity symbol being tattooed around our finger of choice. *clapping with excitement just thinking about it* :)

Enjoy your run. *hugs*

Our wedding is not that big ... less than $5000. But it's still painful to watch that money spent. Spending money is a source of anxiety for me, especially when it's spent on me.
 
Frustration

As Mr. A becomes a more significant part of our lives, it's harder and harder for me to resist the urge to talk about him. I don't like lying, so I hate saying, "My friend"; it's not exactly true.

I would just like to be able to start a sentence with "My boyfriend ... "
 
As Mr. A becomes a more significant part of our lives, it's harder and harder for me to resist the urge to talk about him. I don't like lying, so I hate saying, "My friend"; it's not exactly true.

I would just like to be able to start a sentence with "My boyfriend ... "

Come up with a code, that might make you feel better until you decide to be out :)
 
I can relate to the pain of spending a lot on "a single thing" (even if it's lots of different expenses, it's all for the same thing on the same day), especially on yourself. But while for us polys it's not a "once in a lifetime" kind of thing, it's still a very important day and it's worth it to make it as enjoyable and memorable as possible.

So I really hope that the day will make you forget how much it did cost you, and that all you'll remember is how perfect everything was, because it was done the way you wanted :)

Good luck with coping with that, as no matter how much you rationalise it in your head, I know the "OMG so much money!!!" part is always there somewhere in the back (or even front!). It's all worth it when you get to share that happy day with the people you love, and you realise if it was the other way around ("hey, I'll give you $5,000 NOT to marry him") you'd say NO WAY.
 
As Mr. A becomes a more significant part of our lives, it's harder and harder for me to resist the urge to talk about him. I don't like lying, so I hate saying, "My friend"; it's not exactly true.

I would just like to be able to start a sentence with "My boyfriend ... "

I don't like "My/Our friend" either and I hate having to explain who my husbands NSP is. She is our friend, but she is much closer to both of us and our kids than that. Sometime we call her his sister (like with the kids schools), but most anyone else, I just call her his other wife and it does leave people wondering :p. While I have had issues in the past with their connection, the public view of it has never been my problem, I think I like shocking people. When her husband and I are together, it gets a little out of hand:rolleyes:. When others realized that I called her the other wife, they actually quit speculating.
 
I don't like "My/Our friend" either and I hate having to explain who my husbands NSP is. She is our friend, but she is much closer to both of us and our kids than that. Sometime we call her his sister (like with the kids schools), but most anyone else, I just call her his other wife and it does leave people wondering :p. While I have had issues in the past with their connection, the public view of it has never been my problem, I think I like shocking people. When her husband and I are together, it gets a little out of hand:rolleyes:. When others realized that I called her the other wife, they actually quit speculating.

Maybe I'll just say it. My boyfriend. My boyfriend. It can't be that hard, can it? :eek:
 
It's all worth it when you get to share that happy day with the people you love, and you realise if it was the other way around ("hey, I'll give you $5,000 NOT to marry him") you'd say NO WAY.

Well, there'd be no point now - we'd only break even and I'd lose myself a husband! :D

But seriously, yeah, good points. I will try to remember that we deserve this day, and we've worked very hard.

Holy. Shit. I've just now come up with the basis for my vows. I'm tearing up at work. *needs to go write things down*
 
On coming out at work

From another thread:

Mr. A is a commercial pilot, just starting his career.

This weekend, we're going flying together, in a little four seat Cessna for the first time. <insert obvious joke here>

At any rate, I was chatting with my officemate just now and asked if he had any plans for the weekend. He said not really and asked about mine.

Perfect opportunity!

I told him I was excited because my boyfriend was taking me flying this weekend. I always refer to Indigo by name, so coworker said, "Oh I didn't realize he had his license."

I replied that yes, he's a pilot. Coworker started, "Wait ... " and I interjected with "Oh. My boyfriend. Indigo and I don't believe in monogamy."

Coworker responded with, "Oh. Okay. Well that'll be pretty cool!" And the conversation continued on.

My hands are shaking. I am relieved to be myself.
 
I am back to feeling centered and grounded again. Between the wedding, Indigo, and Mr. A, I have been noticing little cues that just reaffirm how very right things are.

Two budding friendships have taken me by surprise. I am not the type to give out the friend title easily, so to have TWO such relationships forming is a real treat for me.

Normally, I would worry at such things, push them, try to move them into defined categories. Not this time. With both relationships, I am sitting contentedly, simply watching with interest at the different directions they take, observing my feelings and just letting things flow.

Holy crap. I think I'm growing as a person or something. :p
 
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