I am glad you have family. Go to the parents with your bio child. Ask them for advice.
Are you saying this household is set up so you have to ask him for money? You have no actual access to the shared marital finances? It is all in his name? Take note. That is a tactic.
NOTE how when you actually leave (behavior) and he has to deal with the other children and running the house over there? He starts wanting to negotiate.
Why? Because of your needs and feelings and a desire to meet some of them? Nope. Cuz now there's work not being done for him at home -- like the kidcare for his other kids. He has a desire to meet his own needs -- need to be free of doing the work you normally provide! "What is in it for me?" motivates him more than "the needs of other people."
Again -- could tell him no contact for 48 hours. Then sit back and listen to the sing song as it comes. I have doubts he will honor your request to leave you be for 2 days. Note more limits of yours not being respected if this happens.
If if helps you watch the tactic hopping and mind games more clearly?
http://www.speakoutloud.net/domestic-violence/mens-tactics Click the little picture to get the full PDF list.
Could print it and watch and see. He already gaslights. If one tactic doesn't work, he could hop to another. Could make a little date next to each if you note these things happening to you.
This may be hard to hear... I apologize. But I kinda expect increased volume on the "Sweetie pie honey bunch" stuff next. Applied lavishly just to get you to return to less than stellar conditions.
Beware empty talk and empty promise. Talk is cheap when it comes from a person who is just not a person of their Word. He has not kept his Word to you before. Could focus it on actions done/not done instead to make sure he delivers.
Be cautious of talk -- Up to and including OFFER (talk) of breaking up with the GF he just maybe got pregnant. It won't be "I broke up with her" like a behavior action
already taken. It will be offer talk. "Come back! I'll even break up with her if you want me to!" Talk is cheap.
To which he responded " We can stop having sex, just tell me. "
I don't get it. It.just has to be me.who vetoes I guess. I'm still leaving for the night, but Wtf?
It is real simple, hon. If it happens with some other offer? Like "tell me if you want me to break up with her" and not just "tell me if you want me to stop sex" stuff?
It's on the extremes. When you want to discuss middle ground and he offers extremes to get you to go "No, I don't want that!" it's for him to get his way. You don't want that = then I can have THIS then. Skip the middle entirely. Which is where you want to talk and where he does not want to talk because it could mean changes in his behavior he is not willing to do.
The other way that plays? NOTE how it is not HIM taking actions and responsibility. Just
offers of action that want to make YOU responsible for his choices and actions. AGAIN. Then that gives him a handy scapegoat to blame later if he actually executes the offer and takes action.
"YOU made me do it!" to you.
"SHE made me do it!" to the GF.
If either of you has a cow he's off the hook.
Blame shifting away from his behavior done/not done and putting the spotlight elsewhere. He's not sounding like he is into responsibility or accountability in relationships. He is not sounding like he is into taking responsibility for his own actions and words.
AND even if he does break up with her -- talk about irresponsible and treating people like disposable things! She's just there to be a daily sex toy? She's got her share in helping to create the wacko but she doesn't deserve to be treated as less than a person. Nobody does. He cums in her, maybe promises whatever to get to, and NOW he ditches her once he's used her up? Ew.
Sigh.
BE CAREFUL. This whole thing smells of shenanigans.
I don't know if you want to try to work on this polyship or cut your losses and run at this point in time. Maybe you do not know yet either. But taking a time out to discern could be useful. So take it and discern.
Watch for him not letting you have that time out in peace and quiet. If he can keep broadcasting static over your channel in various ways it keeps your attention on
him rather than you taking care of YOU.
You are a person of value, worth, and dignity even if others treat you poorly. Treat yourself so. I cannot tell you that enough.
Galagirl