On again---off again---on again???

Ok, so I was offered a job working with S today. I want that job bad. It'll be a HUGE opportunity for me, even if it's less hours and less pay per hour.


Still trying to wrap my mind around what to do with D and how to handle that situation. L and S are not really "into" each other anymore. :( They get along, but not in any kind of "romantic" way. I really think that they put up with each other just because of D and I. L puts up with S so that she can hang out and talk with D....and S puts up with L, so that he can hang out with me. :( I so wish they got along better. I'm developing these feelings, and have no way to express them even if I knew that they were reciprocative. (Which at this point, I have no idea of yet)

AAARRRGGGHHHH! Damn my mind....It plays tricks on me! And I really think that God is laughing at me. :(
 
That makes it alot tougher. Perhaps its for the best. Let the wife find her own partner. If there is no connection between them, you cant force it. Didn't you say that you were all doing the swing thing before. Maybe the spouses have sexual attraction and nothing more. I think you need to speak with D and tell her your feelings. Then you will know if you should proceed or not. I agree with your wife, slow down and let it develop. Best of luck!
 
I have nothing to say today really...But wow....Went to Busch Gardens with L and D.....Took in one of the shows there. I sat between the two of them. Wow...What a feeling. I put my arms around both of them. D said nothing, but did look at me a little different the rest of the day. I kept getting the fleeting glance, and the occasional wink form her. I was on cloud 7...possibly 8. Not quite cloud nine yet....but pretty far up there. ;) Anyway...enough for today.
 
OH

MY

GOD!!!!!!!!!


We went to S&D's place for the weekend........and had possibly the BEST weekend we've EVER had! EVER!

Here's how it all went down:

We set up a dinner date with them. The problem....D is on the south beach diet....This made it difficult to make just any dinner. My wife L did SO much research to make a dinner that complied with D's diet, yet was SO yummy and tasty! It was the BEST dinner!

We showed up to S & D's house around 5 pm. After ariving, L took the food which she pre-preped at our house, and started baking it. We both acted as the chef, and the waiter. She the chef, I was the waiter. LOL We served S & D anything and everything they requested.

When it came time for dinner, we lit a candle on the dinner table, and served the food up. We all sat and ate our south beach diet dinner, while talking about life in general, but at a nice dimmly lit table. The stereo was on low with some nice calming music playing.

At this point, there had been no talk of sex or relationships. It had all simply been day to day talk about our lives....oh, and a LOT of talk about how good dinner was! :D LOL


Then, after dinner, S suddenly says "Lets go to the store!" We're all like "HUH? what the HELL?" But we all agree to go to the store. Afterall, L and I did not have any expectations other than a nice dinner and conversation with our best friends/lovers.

We go to Target, and meander around the isles aimlessly. S and I walk off to go look at "guy things", like automotive and camping equipment, while D and L go look at dresses and purses. LOL Then, we get to the "family planning" section of the store, where we all start checking out the different condoms and lubricants. S and I are (typically) childish about it all, but he seems to just "have to have" one tin of condoms. He finds them interesting, and a nice "conversation piece". :rolleyes: LOL D also wanted some chocolate. So, when we get to the register, we have condoms, and chocolates. LOL Oddly enough, S & D KNEW the cashier! LOL


Anyway, L and I had not picked up on the fact that S had just bought condoms. We were having so much fun just spending time with them, we were on cloud 7 and completely overlooked it! (not quite cloud 9 yet, but close!) We were still just expecting to go back tot ehir place and go to sleep.


So, we go back to their place, and a little drinking ensues. Only a beer for me and L, and only one mixed drink each for S & D. Then, I ask if I can go use their bathroom to brush my teeth. (I have a full mouth of teeth still! :D LOL) While in there, D comes in and we have eye contact and a LOT of sexual tension, but no action. Then, L and S come back to the master bedroom with us, where L starts looking at their daughters artwork, which is posted on the walls. S comes up behind her and starts feeling her up, D and I look at each other and the rest is, as they say, history. This all ended up in a 4 hr fun fest last night, and about 3 hrs this morning. ;) (Don't want to get TOO graphic ;) )

And on that note, I found D consistently looking at me, and winking at me, blowing kisses to me, etc, etc, etc. the whole time we spent with them. Gosh....I'm in love all over again. And the best part...I love my wife even MORE now, than I did before. I had no idea this was possible, but there you have it.

I still need to talk to D about following up on a relationship or not with her. Maybe next week.
 
Last edited:
That is awesome, TL. So glad to hear that you had an adventurous weekend;).
I think, if I were in that situation, I would hold off for a little bit(tough for me too!) about the relationship thing. Or maybe start talking about what an amazing weekend you had and SLOWLY bring the relationship question in. Perhaps ask her if she would like to continue with what you have or add to it. Just shootin ideas out there for you. Good luck with your endeavor.:D
 
Yes, well.....Yesterday was an ok day, with lots of talking with L. No communication with D, and daily talk with S. Today, more of the same I'm sure.
 
Don't be disappointed. You can't always ride the high:) Let it be special. It's only been a couple of days. Even devoted couples can go weeks without making you, the other couple, a priority. If you become disappointed now, you'll project the wrong message to your spouse, to your partners, and even to yourself. I know the time together is exciting, but everyone needs equilibrium and time to process what it means and what they want.

I'm so glad you had a wonderful weekend. That really IS special:)
 
This is L TL4everu2's wife ... Yes it was a GREAT special weekend.
And i agree with Jade ride the high for awhile. If we rush into this part of the relationship with S & D we may loss them.
 
Allow me to CLARIFY.......I am not upset that I had little "quality communication with S&D.

I'm such a POOR communicator. I have an inane ability to completely f- up EVERYTHING that I say. Everything I say is misconstrued and misunderstood. Even when I try to be completely clear, I apparently am not. I am almost at a point with my wife, where I simply don't want to talk, for fear that what I say gets mis-understood. I just can't seem to say anything "right". I say "up", it apparently means "down" for some odd reason. I just can't keep this crap up on a daily basis day in and day out.
 
Talk me into keeping on with a relationship with D.

Anyone....Try to do it.


Since starting this relationship up again (on again) my wife and I have fought CONSTANTLY. Yes, I have developed feelings for D, but at what cost? My marriage? Screw it. To me, it isn't worth all the heartache. As much as I care for D, I'm not even sure that I want to KNOW her...let alone have a relationship with her. It seems to be the only solution to the fighting with L. ........... Anyone want to try to talk me into keeping it going?
 
Uuummm.......I wont try to talk you into something that may potentially cause you a great amount of heartache. Thats your call. If you have such a hard time communicating, then why is your wife still with you? You obviously have something special with her. If I may suggest something, take a step back from your life and breath. I know, it sounds funny but if you and your mate are fighting that much, there is something that needs to be addressed.
When you talk with your wife, go slowly and really think about what you want to say. Thats what I have to do, deep breath and really think about what you are trying to say to her. I use different words in different ways, so it helps for me to explain what I mean. Yes, it takes more time, but i find that it helps immensely. Best of luck to you. I hope that everything works out for the best for you and your wife.
 
Well.....Today was the worst day in a VERY long time. :( I was at work, and my wife called and tells me that D wanted to have a sit down meeting with me. I was surprised, but I agreed. L told me a LITTLE about what D wanted to discuss....And I became depressed. (still am)

Anyway, I went to meet up with D. It was just the two of us at the mall food court. We started talking....D told me that S had noticed me looking at her with eyes that were "more than just friends" looking. I admitted to her that I had feelings for her that were more than just "friends". She said that she did too, but.....that it was not love. :( How depressing. She said that she REALLY enjoys our timne together, but that she had to talk to her hubby about whether or not we (all 4 of us) will ever get together again or not. She said that she DOES want to still be friends...and possibly even friends with bennifits. I will take what I can get at this point. I am depressed about this whole chain of events, but......I'm still alive...and that's supposed to be a good thing. Right? Sigh....maybe I'll write more later.....I just don't know.


Polyamory - More love.....More heartbreak. :(
 
Oh, I am so happy for you that your group had a lovely evening together. That sounded really fun. Your relationship is really developing!

"You can't hurry love, girl, you'll just have to wait. Love don't come easy, it's a game of give and take."
 
Magdlyn Did you read all the thread because you missed the last post just above yours.
Please go up above yours and read this last one from TL4everu2's post.
I am sure you just missed it. OUr relationship is NOT developing it is done for now. As we are waiting for S to decide if he can handle anything more then just friends at this point.
 
but that she had to talk to her hubby about whether or not we (all 4 of us) will ever get together again or not. She said that she DOES want to still be friends...and possibly even friends with bennifits. I will take what I can get at this point.

Yes, I read this part, L. It seems to me she still wants to be friends, but not rushed into love. She's a bit nervous, maybe b/c she hasnt dared love another besides her husband, and coming from a swinger's attitude. She might just be protecting her heart, and learning about polyamory.

That is something I drew from TL's post... but of course, I don't know all the nuances of the situation.

It was just 4 days ago you all had such a wonderful night and morning together! That must mean something.
 
She said that she REALLY enjoys our timne together, but that she had to talk to her hubby about whether or not we (all 4 of us) will ever get together again or not.
/QUOTE]

well it is not only up to her or T it is up to all of us at this point. and right now S says no. I know T wrote will upset and hurt but we have talked and understand this may never happen again. But it could turn out to be a great learning curve to how we all feel. Either way we have been given a tough lesson on poly life. We may or may not continue with it(poly) we are up in the air at this point.
As to not rushing into love she says to me she has a strong bond and feelings for T but it is not now or ever will be love like he wants it to be.

Sorry T for being blunt here i am not trying to hurt you more then you are right now. I want you and I to be happy in what ever happens, either way we have each other to lean on and I will hold you up until you are strong again around her. :)
 
As to not rushing into love she says to me she has a strong bond and feelings for T but it is not now or ever will be love like he wants it to be.

A strong bond and feelings is good! We all love in our own ways. No one loves another exactly the way the loved one loves her! He can't force her to return his love in exactly the same way he feels it.

Sorry T for being blunt here i am not trying to hurt you more then you are right now. I want you and I to be happy in what ever happens, either way we have each other to lean on and I will hold you up until you are strong again around her. :)

Mmmm, that's so sweet.
 
Maybe she's just comparing her feelings for you to her hubby. I have love for some very close friends of mine, i might even call it love, but the feelings(love?) that I have for them come nowhere close to what I have for my K. Remember D is still in the swingin, just for fun mode. If it were me, I would try to stay positive and SLOW DOWN. D said that she has feelings for you, let them grow and see what happens. Just my 2 cents.
 
Ok....Here is what I'm doing now.......

In accordance with the thread title...we are "OFF again". :( LOL


Anyway, I have decided to simply sit back, and put up my walls again when it comes to D. I told her today, that the next time I see her, I will be a different acting person. Why whould I be "different acting"? Because I will have walls up to protect myself from getting those feelings again. I simply can't bring myself to hurt D, L, or S...Or my kids. So I have put up the walls and refuse to try to cultivate any kind of relationship other than a simple aquaintenceship with D. It hurts....and I really will miss her....but I have hurt her and my wife......So...I'm dropping it like a hot rock.

How can I turn it off, and on so easily? Simple, I look the other way. When I get around D, I won't look her in the eyes (or at her breasts LOL), and I won't touch her anymore....I may not even look in her direction. It'll be a hard thing to do...going over to their house, but....I have to try to make it work. I will live my life one day at a time, and in denial. I figure if I do it long enough, then I will not have the dexsire anymore.

Why would we be going to their house? because S AND D want to remain friends with us in spite of these feelings I have for D. In the words of Spock; "The needs of the many (S, D, and L), outweigh the needs of the few (me)".Is it a "perfect" solution? No....but it's the best one I can come up with for now.

L and I are taking a break (again) from going over to S & D's house for a couple weeks. Maybe this will help with my "issues". If not, every time I start thinking about D, I'll just bash my head into a wall. LOL :D
 
Well, another day goes by....I have spoken in person to S. He said he noticed the way I was looking at D. He said that's not what we all go together for 3 years ago when we all met. He said he's "not into the whole polygamy thing". :rolleyes: I tried and tried before to explain how polyamory and polygamy are different....I never even mentioned it this time! HE did! GRRRR!!! Anyway, he and I agreed that we were adults, and we could work through this tough time. :D I spoke to L tonight, and she even said that we would probably all even hook up again. She said "I mean, we've been together for 3 years or so now. Think about it.".....So I did. And I have still decided to simply keep my walls up. Until S comes to L and I about something different, I'll keep those walls in place. Even if D comes to me, I'll put on a show and keep em up. ?I can NOT afford to hurt my wife...or my friends anymore, than I already have, by my lost little head of emotions. I am beginning to think a bit more clearly now though.....And I really liked the high I had when I was around D....but....I can't have that high anymore. Not for a very long time...if ever. I have to be considerate of the other people involved here, and not be selfish. Soooo....There you have it folks. You have witnessed a plane fly high...hit the sun...and the crash in a huge ball of flame...

Hopefully, we will have a phoenix rise from the ashes! :D One could hope!
 
Back
Top