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Old 03-06-2011, 08:31 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,733

Originally Posted by ladyjai View Post
I'm a part-time girlfriend to a couple. I have been dating them for one year as of today. (my relationship with lady has become asexual, but still hug, kiss and snuggle)
Just so you know, "asexual" is an orientation like gay or lesbian, not a relationship without sex... that would be non-sexual.

If this were me I would get on communicating with them. I think I would start with, "this is what I am working on and I would appreciate your help,,, let me know what you think and maybe we could talk about ways that we could work on this together." You have every right to ask for that... you are a valid and equal member of the three of you. no one can tell you or assume otherwise. No one is less than anyone else ever in my world... partners or otherwise. To me that is a very important value I have. I expect no less from others as that is what I expect of myself.

To me, my partners are there to support me and me to support them, no matter how much they are in my life. I see one of them once a month and I have this expectation. I have told him that... otherwise we don't have a partnership,,, a friendship maybe, but not a partnership. Partners to me are there through thick and thin, listen to me when I am at my most vulnerable, accept me for everything that I am as I do them and help me navigate my life, as I do with them...

Your situation sounds more like friends-with-benefits than a poly triad... actually it doesn't seem like a triad, its a vee to me. You don't seem to have an intimate relationship with her except through him, so I would say a vee.... You can call what you have what you want of course, it isn't my choice, but sometimes other peoples observations put things into perspective and can cause the realization of where there might be something a miss... this is why I am bringing it up. It might be helpful to think of your relationship a different way and even talk to them about it.

What do you want from a relationship with another, or others? What kind of depth do you need to have? Are you okay working on your stuff on your own as they do together? Are you okay with a more casual arrangement or are you ready for more depth? These are all questions you could ask... it sound like the time is now if you are here talking about it.

As for community, create your own... call people up, email them, IM them, whatever,,,, create an event on FB, whatever works and get together...

I have never heard of anything so ludicrous as waiting for membership... what the hell is that (what kind of group is it?)? Fuck that shit! Create your own group of like minded people and friends. If you need community and a dating pool, then do it. You don't have to be the "leader" just post something that says, "I would like to meet people, maybe you do too, come out to this meet and greet I am having."
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