Is poly a decision or a person's nature?

I have a question...how many people who identify as poly on here also identify as vegetarians, social activists and anti capitalists?

I'm not a vegitarian, but I do lean that direction and do sympathize with vegitarians -- and abhor the maltreatment of animals in "factory farming".

I am a social / political activist. --mainly in environment / ecology / sustainability.

I'm not "anti-capitalist," I'm anti-fascist and pro-democracy. When capitalism undermines democracy -- and it generally does -- it needs to be put in check by democracy. Rather than the other way around, vice versa. It's silly to be "anti-capitalist". One should instead proffer alternatives, be pro-alternatives to capitalism, if you find capitalism destructive (which I do). Much of my life has been devoted to finding viable and desirable alternatives to the capitalist industrial system.


I'm curious because my old social group of monogamous friends were neither of the above. I'm wondering if there is a trend or social stream that polyamory flows more freely through.

When we realize that polyamorists are rather bravely stepping rather far out of a core or central cultural expectation (monogamism, monogamy), and that doing so typically requires a lot of introspection and facility with changing one's own acquired internal furnishings, it shouldn't be surprising that polyamorists, on average, are people with a certain set of inter- and intra-personal skills and insights that lend themselves to social / political activism. Generally, I'd say, polyamorists are unlikely to be the sort of people who accept beliefs and notions uncritically, simply because of tradition or due to their upbringing, etc. We will tend to be innovative in our thinking as much as in our behavior.
 
I'm an omnivore. I'm very open minded and accepting but not an activist. And I'm not anti capitalist.
 
somebody's got issues

Whenever you read an article such as this with so much negative emotion against something, or disrespect, the writer has personal issues. I wish people could have enough self awareness to see that about themselves. Everybody and everything is merely a mirror reflecting back. I know this for sure. I am thankful for the moment I 'woke up' and stopped being numb, playing victim, blaming others...and realized the whole world as I view it has to do with ME and where I AM at. What is within is without. I will say on the surface it always seemed much easier to be ignorant to that fact, but even though it is painful to break through barriers within yourself, in the end it is much more rewarding.
 
The author of that blog post would offer us that anything we do is completely modular--that anything can be switched out for anything else, because everything is simply the result of a decision.

So, if you have a hobby, it can be switched out for any other hobby and you would be just as interested and fulfilled because it's all just a decision. That you have an inclination for advanced math puzzles and no interest or ability in sports is immaterial--you can replace the time spent doing math puzzles with time spent playing rugby and get as much fulfillment. It's just a decision, remember.

There are some people who are truly monogamous and have only one mate for life, never considering anybody else as a potential partner. There are those who are serial monogamists who never consider anybody else while still involved in a pairing. There are serial monogamists who are always considering options while still involved in a pairing. There are poly folk who have a couple of relationships and never consider more. There are poly folk who have several relationships and are open to yet more. There are folk who never have any serious relationships and just bounce from one sexual dalliance to another. To suggest that the whole range of human behavior regarding relationships is due simply to choice and anybody displaying one of those forms of behavior would be just as comfortable displaying a different one is ludicrous, at best!
 
Technical problems caused me to lose a longish post following SeventhCrow's here. So I'll make my response concise this try.

Who wants to provide an argument in favor of the belief or notion that any of us choose our desires?

Shouldn't people be free to choose to live life how they will within the constraints of their desires? -- So long as that choice harms none? or is otherwise ethically okay?

I don't know why or how our desires go as they go, and I'm a longtime student of philosophy and psychology. Some combination of nature and nurture -- or? Hardly a settled question.

I cannot choose to favor brussels sprouts (least favorite veggie) over asparagus (my favorite). I can choose to eat either one -- just barely -- if forced to do so for survival reasons.
 
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No - I don't think you can choose your desires... But you do choose your actions, for sure.

For example, I never would have thought about any of this just a year ago. When Ouroboros opened my eyes to it, I began some really hard thinking and began to realize that my desires include: honesty, genuineness, openness, caring, love, and the list goes on.

I realized long ago that I never wanted to control another person, and that attractions to others can rarely be stifled... however, how you act upon those can be. I wonder sometimes if my ex could have been honest... I do not know if he was capable, not in HIS nature, unfortunately. Maybe he was too afraid.

So, Although I am new to this philosophy, I am choosing to explore polyamory. I have to think about it frequently, and it is not because of my current relationship. My current relationship is simply providing me a path towards something that I would probably, at this point, be curious about and explore regardless. I don't think I could ever pick apart if it is Natural or not.

Maybe it is Natural for me to think openly and question society, or maybe it is my upbringing...(although liberal, also VERY monogamy-leaning and following of the catholic faith)

Like others on here, I have had similar feelings when watching star wars, etc, wondering why they can't all be together, and just blowing it off, thinking that was a ridiculous notion!

So, Although people may have a desire to be polyamorous, or the desire to act upon attractions, they do not have to act upon them...

Although, think about the argument about same-sex love. Just because you don't have a SO, doesn't mean you are hetero.

Now, following that logic, does simply thinking poly make you poly, or is it the action that does?
 
Although, think about the argument about same-sex love. Just because you don't have a SO, doesn't mean you are hetero.

Now, following that logic, does simply thinking poly make you poly, or is it the action that does?

Tricky questions!

Are people who simply desire to love more than one person necessarily, thus, polyamorous? Not necesarily, depending. "Depending" because polyamory is more than simply an ability or desire to love more than one person simultaniously, as the term is used in common usage. It's also an ethos.

["Ethos, according to The Oxford English Dictionary, is defined as "the characteristic spirit, prevalent tone of sentiment, of a people or community; the 'genius' of an institution or system", ..." - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ethos]

Polyamory is something defined by an emerging and evolving global polyamory community, or culture, or sub-culture--even a "movement". It is a cultural phenomenon and creation, and it will evolve just as such things do. And right now, honesty and openness along with actual loving (not just sex!) are crucial to this emerging and evolving ethos. So the poly culture/community has criteria as to who is a member of the species: polyamorous. Not all swingers are members of this species, though some may be.

... returning ...

Although, think about the argument about same-sex love. Just because you don't have a SO, doesn't mean you are hetero.

Now, following that logic, does simply thinking poly make you poly, or is it the action that does?

Gay/Queer folk are gay/queer whether or not they are involved with anyone romantically or sexually. Desire makes it so.

But this isn't quite so simply said about poly (multiple) amory (love/loving), because of the openness and honesty aspect of the ethos which is polyamory. I'm polyamorous even though I have only one love/lover/partner at this time, and this is so not only because I'm capable of loving more than one person at a time, but more crucially because I subscribe to the ethos of openness and honesty -- as does my partner. But there's more to it than that, still. The polyamorist ethos also includes, generally, the belief that not only can people have multiple loves unproblematically, but that a multiple loving style of loving can enhance the love we have within our original bonded relationships! This fact -- and it is a fact -- is in myriad ways astonishing and unsettling to the popular culture of "romantic love". Imagine: We may be even a little MORE romantic at times than the monos!:D;)
 
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mono is the most romantic anyone I have ever known. He still leaves me notes on my running route that are filled with love, desire and endless commitment to me and my family.... nope, No other Poly guy has topped that!

Good conversation going on though.... oh so interesting... do carry on!
 
:eek: Avoiding my buttons...avoiding my buttons...whew! I did it! :D

Congrats! I'm not all that serious about the claim. It's just that some folk think we're less romantic, so I like to playfully chide them.:D
 
I have heard the less romantic thing too! I suppose if you spread yourself too thinly? Really, a lot of the couples in my life that I associate with on a day to day basis have lost romance entirely from their life... very sad, but true. If more partners can add to the romance, why not. Sometimes it takes someone else to remind what romance is like again. That is what I found with mono anyways... he brought it all back on so many levels... thanks sweets *kiss* (he's a libra after all you know ;))
 
O comon people! You gotta be kidding!

How can such a statement as "Monos are more or less romantic than polys".

How about "heteros are more or less romantic than gays".

etc.

Yeash, you folks don't REALLY buy into this...

Funny... Ha-Ha!
 
Yes, YGirl, I was kidding!

But there is an underlying point in the kidding -- which is that we're not necessarily any LESS romantic than monogamous folk.
 
we're not necessarily any LESS romantic than monogamous folk.

You certainly are not any less romantic! If anything you remember to be more romantic more frequently to reassure your partners in my experience. This is a lesson a lot of people in mono relationships could definitely learn from :)
 
I think for me personally that it was a bit of both. I loved two people before I even knew that it had a name. It felt natural..yet confussing for me. Confussing because of the "expectation" Of only being "allowed" to love one person. Yet I was able to love two people in and amazing way. It took time to process that it was "ok" even. Guess you could even say I tried not to be Poly. But failed. A Steak is still a Steak..even when dressed as a salad. ;)
 
I think for me personally that it was a bit of both. I loved two people before I even knew that it had a name. It felt natural..yet confussing for me. Confussing because of the "expectation" Of only being "allowed" to love one person. Yet I was able to love two people in and amazing way. It took time to process that it was "ok" even. Guess you could even say I tried not to be Poly. But failed. A Steak is still a Steak..even when dressed as a salad. ;)

Have to say, I'm very glad you failed! ;)

I think the fact that it felt so natural, so normal for me makes it less of a decision and more of just a realization that it's possible. Honestly felt a LOT like when I came out and realized it really was ok and I could be who I was. Society surpresses it so much you don't even know it's an option, so I never thought about it until I was already in the relationship.
 
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