Redpepper's journey

About the double standard between male partners and female partners-- I wonder if some females have such a standard for their bi (or pan) male partners, and if so, if they have problems with other females, or with other males? I think the answer would be interesting.
 
This would be respectful to RP, I think.

I know I sometimes come off as uncaring or unable to understand. If that was the case, I wouldn't even bother to put any effort into our intimate relationship, and let it fade away. I try my best to show respect through being honest, not denying how I feel, or pretending to be ok with things that interfere with the shape of my connection with her.

I don't do things for the sake of control or to inflict pain on Redpepper. I love her in a way that is much different than anyone else before. Her friendship is without rival and I will do almost anything to maintain that. If that means no longer enjoying her physical intimacy, then that is worth it to me. As long as she continues to feel I am worthy of her intimate affection, I will enjoy it and never take a day for granted.
 
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Yes, Magdlyn. I'm talking Domme/Mistress, rather than secret lover/mistress.

I wrote on here about what happened the night Leo came over and the results shortly thereafter. It was not a set-up on my end. I made popcorn, bought his favorite beer, his favorite crackers and cheese. I spent time, with Mono's help, getting some movies together to chose from. He has spent hundreds of dollars on nights out with me, and I wanted to return some treats to him and make things special.

What happened was, the computer kept crashing and we started talking in between times of it booting up again. If we had gotten into the movie, we would've been fine. We were fine.

It was the energy between us I hadn't banked on, more than anything. It was too much for Mono, who is a hermit in his house. Having anyone over at all was pushing it. He does really well letting people into his space, considering. He has very generously been willing to allow people to pass through it to get to my room.

Now I won't have any people down there, other than my partners. Not for any extent of time, anyway. It's just better that way.
 
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Mono is mono to himself

Mono and I meet for coffee at home after our days' work, almost every day. We are off at the same time and have a couple of hours to ourselves, as a result. Today was no different.

We were sitting on the sectional in the living room, with cats around us, and the guinea pig Pistachio on my lap. Lots of chatting and discussing about work, the forum, what our plans are for the next week... blah blah blah. Pistachio starts fidgeting. Usually this means he needs to pee so I adjusted his pad underneath his bum. Mono and I started kissing and leading up to something more. I wasn't paying attention and all of a sudden, Pistachio lets go of a big pee that was aimed right at and into my coffee cup, which I was holding beside him. It also got on my clothes and some on Mono.

What does Mono do? Jumps up instantly and takes off to the bathroom, leaving me with a wet leg, a wet Pistachio, and piss all over my arm and in my coffee. I yell out to him, "Hey! What the fuck are you doing? You just left me here." He says, "Yeah. I got a drop of pee on me and I'm washing my hands."

Needless to say, he didn't get laid, and neither did I. Good thing too, as PN showed up a few minutes later at the front door, home early.

:mad::p
 
Sorry, I shouldn't be laughing at the guinea pig incident. All I can think is, at least you knew there was pee in your coffee before you drank it! Not a fun end to your day, at all! Hope you have a lovely evening, though.

See you tomorrow xoxox
 
Was this an attempt to desensitize Mono to the eventual consequence of dating Leo and or other men? When you all discussed Mono moving in, was this always something he knew was going to happen, bedroom dates with guys? Do you and Leo talk about this boundary softening or coming down someday: "Hey, I'm working on him," type of thing?
These are good questions. It wasn't an attempt to desensitize Mono, although I sometimes forget, when things have been humming along for a while, that he is not like me. I forget that he is not PN and that my antics, the ones I once had in terms of flirting and teasing men and then sleeping with them, are not wanted. That energy is not appreciated. Whereas PN understands and thinks I am funny. I forget. What can I say? I'm old, as one of my clients points out every day I work with her.:eek:

We did discuss who would come to my room. We set some boundaries around how this would work. They were that I would always ask and indicate the reason for someone being invited to my room. I would not have people staying overnight there, other than partners, like friends from out of town, for instance. I was not going to pester him about having someone come to my room. He would be hospitable as they passed through his place, and that was all.

It turned out that he was okay with chatting for a bit, showing people around. He showed Leo the door he was putting in, for instance and they chatted for a bit. We also realized that I would need to put the beer I bought somewhere and I asked if it was okay to use his plates and fridge, etc., for Leo and others coming over. Bathroom trips were discussed after a time, as obviously people need to use the bathroom.

Yup, lots to negotiate. Things come up. That is how it is. The point was to talk about it as soon as possible and respect the boundaries.

Energy boundaries are different. I can't help having energy with someone. So, no people I have energy with can be in my room. :p

Yes, Leo and I talk about it all a lot. There are posts of me going on about it too much, as for him it wasn't as big a deal. I wanted to know where his wife was at, but it turns out that is a non-issue. Why should it be? I am not going to have sex with him. She has no problem with my love for him, just the sex part. So she was kinda done with the topic within days.

We do talk about whether or not the boundaries will change, but I always say that they likely won't and that there should be no expectation that they will. I don't want him to get the wrong impression. I want him to want to be with me because he wants to be with me. Not because he might get to fuck me one day. Know what I mean?

Good luck on your thing, dingedheart. Thanks for writing. Any time you want to talk more personally, let me know.

Thanks to Tonberry, Bella et al., for writing. I appreciate any thoughts that people want to give.
 
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We have a doorway! It came in handy for me to go upstairs and provide Redpepper and Leo computer support for their movie date night. I gave him a hug and assured him we are good. If there was anyone I trust enough with RP's heart, it is him. I know this. If only it were just about that. :eek:

No need to dwell on that right now, though. I am reveling in our new freedom between suites!
 
Well, more processing and more stuff to sort out after this last visit with Leo.

I took the day off after getting to work and breaking down. I came home to find Mono meeting me here, insisting that I have tea with him. We did, and talked and processed and cried and talked and kissed and had sex and I slept.
 
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That all sounds very difficult.
 
Thanks to everyone that has PMed. And an extra special thanks to my sweet Derby, who listens and puts up with me. :)

I'm taking a break for a day or so. There is way too much going on for me to be patient on here. I am feeling vulnerable, fragile and very sad.

Talk to you later, peeps. :eek:

(Turning off my notifications until further notice...)
 
Many hugs RP.

Hope you feel better & much more rested when you return.
 
Doing better. We are close to the edge of boundaries and it is very emotional. Unfortunately, I have not dealt with it all well, and now must step back and deal with that. That is really all I am able to say at the moment, as it isn't up to me what happens next.

I am back though. Great to take a weekend off.
 
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