workingthingsout
New member
(I'm really sorry moderators that have to approve this, I need to go to bed soon and I want to talk with my boyfriend but still need advice real soon, which is why I'm reposting. Normally I would respect the rules but I'm really scared and in need of help.)
Hi everyone.
I am in need of advice as my boyfriend (A) wants to break up but continue with our secondary (B), even though I feel he's not right for him.
Basically my situation is as follows:
I started.. realizing stuff. On monday I started thinking about it and us, as I started realizing what was wrong. At the time I wanted to talk to him, but he was going out with his friends (on my request because I asked a friend of his if he could take him out for a nice day out, because I knew A was stressed and felt like he neglected his friends because he hasn't been hanging around as much and couldn't go on a vacation with them.)
I always gave him everything he wanted and I never got anything in return. He's been taking me for granted and I allowed him to do so because I want to please him no matter what because I loved him.
I have confronted him about this tuesday, and.. he agreed. But he said he had thoughts on it. We eventually had a bit of laughs watching TV, went out to the supermarket to buy food and had a playful session. Everything seemed fine.
Fast forward to today. I have come out of work, something felt off all day, even if tuesday's talk was okay. I cycled to my therapist as my first session was today, and while using my navigation app to get there, I get a text from A. He said he knew we could work out, but wasn't sure if it was better for us both. He also said it wasn't wise to stay with him because he said he couldn't give me what I want, and he's afraid of hurting me by trying to get me to do drugs and stuff. He also said the reason he didn't do any stuff from the list is that he doesn't really want to anymore for a long time now. Same thing why he doesn't do romantic and nice things at random for me anymore. (Even though I requested that a long time ago.) While I can understand his views on this, I don't want to necessarily end all this, because like I said, we have both made mistakes, and know what to do to work on it.
Now.. I kind of understand why. I think it's mainly to do with B. B has been an active disruptor in our relationship and he always managed to get inbetween us. (Smoothly, I might add.) B is a fun guy, does drugs, likes to party, social..
While I on the other hand, while still somewhat.. empty from all the love I've given to never receive anything in return, and also filled with anxiety and OCD.. am serious and commited, kind, ready whenever and always wants to help with his passions, be it music or climbing.
Now here's the thing:
I cannot stop A from breaking up with me. Frankly, I want to kind of continue with him myself, still but.. I am more concerned about A and B.
B is.. a bad influence. I don't think they'll work out. B has been doing drugs, and has convinced A to do them to the point where he's tried so many and frequently, and I think that's also what's keeping him fat and unproductive with his passions as he wants to write music. B is also not good with money. He actually spend it on a new gaming PC, and chair, barely not going red and A having to pay for B's rent. Now he's also ordered flying tickets and event tickets, also still barely paying rent, while on a part-time job his dad got him. (His dad was a hiring manager at a big clothes store, I think.) He doesn't do anything to improve himself unless A asks him to. He's also lying all the time to cover up for himself. Apparently he lied to his parents about dropping out of college.
Now I, am kind of the opposite of this. I try to tell the truth no matter what and stay commited and try to help A off the drugs and stay productive. Anyway..
I really need some advice as I just want to protect A from B harming him. I know they won't work out. I am going to talk with him very soon but I need some serious advice on how I handle this. What do I tell A? Do I tell A B is going to be a bad influence? I am scared because I don't want him to choose, but I feel like if he doesn't he might just break up and then it'd be a waste because we couldn't continue together.
Not to mention if he leaves, I have to also make the choice to either go back to my homeland in Holland or stay in England (where I may not really have anyone or have many chances of careers.) But if I go back to Holland, moving back might not be so simple..
Thank you in advance to those who took the time to read this and respond!
Hi everyone.
I am in need of advice as my boyfriend (A) wants to break up but continue with our secondary (B), even though I feel he's not right for him.
Basically my situation is as follows:
I started.. realizing stuff. On monday I started thinking about it and us, as I started realizing what was wrong. At the time I wanted to talk to him, but he was going out with his friends (on my request because I asked a friend of his if he could take him out for a nice day out, because I knew A was stressed and felt like he neglected his friends because he hasn't been hanging around as much and couldn't go on a vacation with them.)
I always gave him everything he wanted and I never got anything in return. He's been taking me for granted and I allowed him to do so because I want to please him no matter what because I loved him.
I have confronted him about this tuesday, and.. he agreed. But he said he had thoughts on it. We eventually had a bit of laughs watching TV, went out to the supermarket to buy food and had a playful session. Everything seemed fine.
Fast forward to today. I have come out of work, something felt off all day, even if tuesday's talk was okay. I cycled to my therapist as my first session was today, and while using my navigation app to get there, I get a text from A. He said he knew we could work out, but wasn't sure if it was better for us both. He also said it wasn't wise to stay with him because he said he couldn't give me what I want, and he's afraid of hurting me by trying to get me to do drugs and stuff. He also said the reason he didn't do any stuff from the list is that he doesn't really want to anymore for a long time now. Same thing why he doesn't do romantic and nice things at random for me anymore. (Even though I requested that a long time ago.) While I can understand his views on this, I don't want to necessarily end all this, because like I said, we have both made mistakes, and know what to do to work on it.
Now.. I kind of understand why. I think it's mainly to do with B. B has been an active disruptor in our relationship and he always managed to get inbetween us. (Smoothly, I might add.) B is a fun guy, does drugs, likes to party, social..
While I on the other hand, while still somewhat.. empty from all the love I've given to never receive anything in return, and also filled with anxiety and OCD.. am serious and commited, kind, ready whenever and always wants to help with his passions, be it music or climbing.
Now here's the thing:
I cannot stop A from breaking up with me. Frankly, I want to kind of continue with him myself, still but.. I am more concerned about A and B.
B is.. a bad influence. I don't think they'll work out. B has been doing drugs, and has convinced A to do them to the point where he's tried so many and frequently, and I think that's also what's keeping him fat and unproductive with his passions as he wants to write music. B is also not good with money. He actually spend it on a new gaming PC, and chair, barely not going red and A having to pay for B's rent. Now he's also ordered flying tickets and event tickets, also still barely paying rent, while on a part-time job his dad got him. (His dad was a hiring manager at a big clothes store, I think.) He doesn't do anything to improve himself unless A asks him to. He's also lying all the time to cover up for himself. Apparently he lied to his parents about dropping out of college.
Now I, am kind of the opposite of this. I try to tell the truth no matter what and stay commited and try to help A off the drugs and stay productive. Anyway..
I really need some advice as I just want to protect A from B harming him. I know they won't work out. I am going to talk with him very soon but I need some serious advice on how I handle this. What do I tell A? Do I tell A B is going to be a bad influence? I am scared because I don't want him to choose, but I feel like if he doesn't he might just break up and then it'd be a waste because we couldn't continue together.
Not to mention if he leaves, I have to also make the choice to either go back to my homeland in Holland or stay in England (where I may not really have anyone or have many chances of careers.) But if I go back to Holland, moving back might not be so simple..
Thank you in advance to those who took the time to read this and respond!