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Old 05-16-2012, 01:57 AM
Adam Adam is offline
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Central New York
Posts: 23
Red face Looking for info, advice and resources

Some background;
My wife and I have been married for 8 years now, with 2 amazing children. Our marriage has been "traditional" and happy.
My wife's close friend has in the last year or so been on a life adventure with school and romance, and recently discovered the poly life and her affinity for it. She and my wife were chatting the other night, sharing views on philosophical topics of love, etc. and things kind of have gone from there.
So, my wife feels it's something we should talk about, if just to start the dialogue. She wants to give me the opportunity to explore life more (I'm a recovering introvert) and we both want each other to not feel obliged to turn down opportunity simply out of fear of hurting the other.
This whole concept has been a bit of a roller coaster for me I admit, and originally I couldn't even think of my wife entertaining thoughts of another man without serious jealousy, but after a good long conversation with my wife's friend (who I'm friends with too), it's become clear to me what that jealousy is. I know it all stems from my own insecurities, and knowing that has helped me realize that my wife's love for me is not conditional, and she has so much to offer the world, who am I to squander the influence she could have on the world? There's no limit to love, right?
So, I realized this is precisely how she feels too, only I've never been with anyone but her, so she feels almost guilty in a similar sense denying me the experience, etc.

So here's where my head is spinning a bit. I love my wife, and nothing's going to change that. My wife loves me, and always will. I can feel happy for her happiness, even if it comes from someone else. However, part of me feels that she's mostly wanting this to be something for me, which would make me feel selfish if it were only one-sided. I feel a lot of excitement at the thought of simply not feeling guilty about wanting to emotionally connect with someone outside of my marriage but don't know where this whole thing goes from here. I know my wife and I have a lot more to discuss, and some relational ground rules to lay, but I want some context for the conversation. I've started reading "Sex at Dawn" and perusing a plethora of sites and forums (like this one) and am open to any and all recommendations, advice and feedback.

To close, I'm not sure I nor my wife are poly, but it's an exciting proposition that we're starting to consider. I completely understand and identify with the content in "Sex at Dawn" regarding monogamy as a societal creation and can see poly as a more natural course that's more in line with human nature.
Thanks for sticking through my long-winded intro, and I look forward to future conversations here
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