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Old 07-23-2009, 06:40 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742

WOW! The learning continues and my love keeps moving forward

I was engaged in a discussion about friends with benefits and was really disturbed by my reaction to many aspects of a more open approach to sex in relationships. When I think back to the last years of my marriage I don't think I would have had a problem with even the idea of swinging.

I asked myself why this was. I am sure it has to do with the loss of connection to my ex-wife. Because I had no intimate connection I didn't feel I had anything to loose. Now that I have this immense connection with Redpepper, I feel like I have something extremely important to loose. I know my commitment in our love and desired life long relationship hinges on the maintaining of my connection. It rests more on me than her.

I see threats and insecurities in sex positive environments such as the poly and kink communities. The idea of a free world, with lots of intimate love bonding is not my idea of utopia. I'm simply not wired to want it. I'm not worried about connecting with some one else, but that something will happen that will impact my connection with Redpepper. This isn't about some one taking away something from me, but is about something reducing my ability to maintain an intimate connection. I'm black or white..I'm intimately in or I'm out..that scares me and makes me defensive.

My fears are my own, my insecurities are identified and can be overcome, there is very little that can keep me from the life I want with RedpepperNow I know something else about myself sparked by this forum.

As far as finding a worthy woman, I know you will find exactly what you are looking for....they will be blessed for sure

Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 07-23-2009 at 07:59 PM.
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