Hi everyone! You guys have all been very helpful to me and I am continuing to learn a lot about poly life and myself. So here is the latest update on my triad. We have all done a tremendous amount of growing and communicating over the last several weeks. My wife is still in NRE with our GF. The GF and I have decided to define our relationship as partners, because we do love each other, are even in love, but not that soul-shaking "i wanna marry you" kind of love. All three of us engage in intimacy, and my wife and our GF have private intimate time together. I just survived their first overnite together. I spent the time with a really good friend and it helped tremendously. We are making plans to start having meals together as a family (the GF has two beautiful kids who love us and know that we are together), and eventually hope to establish routines that evolve us into a living situation together. We are starting to talk schedules and plans.
So here are a few things we are working on and I am trying to get my head around. First: the wife and GF have asked to have every other sunday afternoon into monday together. Saturday is our "triad" day for dating and fun. I have agreed to this and hope that when the time comes I can hold it together. Sometimes I still struggle with the fact that the GF and my wife are in NRE and so very intimate with each other. I have an intimate friendship with and great love for our GF, and we have a lot of fun together. However there is one issue which leads me to my second thing: The GF is still intimidated by being intimate with me alone. Though she tells me that when we spend time together we will have "our encounters" as she calls them, from time to time, I have a hard time envisioning this if she is not comfortable with me alone. With the three of us together, she is flirty, sensual, and even sexually aggressive on occasion with me.
So here is the big issue, I think....my wife is a very masculine and we often refer to her as "our boi". She gender bends and with the GF is very masculine and has a masculine role with her. I am mostly feminine with a bit of a dominant streak. I think the issue for our GF is that she is still exploring how to be with women. She says she wants to learn and that I have a lot to teach her. But its kind of hard to do that if she doesn't feel okay being intimate with me alone.
I am trying to be a good partner and be patient and careful. I want her to always feel safe with me. I am also trying not to get too sad or jealous when the wife and GF have their time together and I am alone. Oh yeah...one more issue....I have a very high sex drive and really enjoy sex with both of them. Prior to this new triad...my wife and I had a very active sex life. Now that she is dividing herself a bit....the sex has decreased with me but is ramped up with the GF. They have sexual encounters often when they have time alone...not just the one night a week they get together. Yes we have our little threesomes, but those happen occassionally and honestly not enough for me. Everyone wants to be monogamous at this point....while we let our relationships develop.
Do you guys think I am handling things correctly? Do you have any advice? I want this to work for all of us and I also hope to have my own needs met.
Thanks in advance for any guidance.
So here are a few things we are working on and I am trying to get my head around. First: the wife and GF have asked to have every other sunday afternoon into monday together. Saturday is our "triad" day for dating and fun. I have agreed to this and hope that when the time comes I can hold it together. Sometimes I still struggle with the fact that the GF and my wife are in NRE and so very intimate with each other. I have an intimate friendship with and great love for our GF, and we have a lot of fun together. However there is one issue which leads me to my second thing: The GF is still intimidated by being intimate with me alone. Though she tells me that when we spend time together we will have "our encounters" as she calls them, from time to time, I have a hard time envisioning this if she is not comfortable with me alone. With the three of us together, she is flirty, sensual, and even sexually aggressive on occasion with me.
So here is the big issue, I think....my wife is a very masculine and we often refer to her as "our boi". She gender bends and with the GF is very masculine and has a masculine role with her. I am mostly feminine with a bit of a dominant streak. I think the issue for our GF is that she is still exploring how to be with women. She says she wants to learn and that I have a lot to teach her. But its kind of hard to do that if she doesn't feel okay being intimate with me alone.
I am trying to be a good partner and be patient and careful. I want her to always feel safe with me. I am also trying not to get too sad or jealous when the wife and GF have their time together and I am alone. Oh yeah...one more issue....I have a very high sex drive and really enjoy sex with both of them. Prior to this new triad...my wife and I had a very active sex life. Now that she is dividing herself a bit....the sex has decreased with me but is ramped up with the GF. They have sexual encounters often when they have time alone...not just the one night a week they get together. Yes we have our little threesomes, but those happen occassionally and honestly not enough for me. Everyone wants to be monogamous at this point....while we let our relationships develop.
Do you guys think I am handling things correctly? Do you have any advice? I want this to work for all of us and I also hope to have my own needs met.
Thanks in advance for any guidance.