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Old 06-06-2011, 05:33 PM
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rory rory is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Europe
Posts: 497

Originally Posted by HappiestManAlive View Post
I have come to understand that many people fall for someone and it "flips a switch"; they no longer have meaningful attraction or interest in other potential partners. I guess that's being "mono".

I honestly thought that the former was normal and that white-knuckling your way through a relationship with all these other feelings flying around was just how it was - that's what commitment was, and it was a sacrifice everyone made in order to be with the "chosen one" as it were. I didn't know there were people for whom this was never a problem until I was introduced to poly - and came to learn that MY way of living was the unusual one (according to something I'm sure).

Once the possibility of not limiting my love arose, I have found it very difficult to concieve of living otherwise.
I think you are right in this! And I'm starting to feel more and more like you describe in the last sentence. I do think I have had some permanent changes in thinking which cannot be undone (not that I want to).

Originally Posted by Gecko View Post
I wonder how that is different to the love experienced between people? I don't have the answer, but we fear losing lovers like we fear death. We put up illusions in our minds that the world is static, permanent, that if we can just get to that next part we'll finally be ok. But realty is constant change, so when we get there its not only different than we planned it, but the next change is already coming.
I think you are spot on with this one! I have quite a few thought processes which I think have been going on for a while; and many of them are coming together. I have thought a lot about how a person must find true happiness inside them, and not let it be dependent of one's circumstances (e.g. relationship status). Definitely, reality is not static and relationships are not static. One should accept it and not try to control everything. And by one I mean myself, since I totally feel the need to control most things.

Originally Posted by Gecko View Post
Sorry for rambling!
No problems, I loved to read your thoughts!

Originally Posted by Gecko View Post
I don't think you should be suppressing your feelings. Like Erosa said, just let yourself feel. If your not able to be with that person 'for any reason', then its probably a circumstance outside of your control anyway, so it might be easier to allow your self to feel love for that person without needing to act on it?

I find it hard when there is a possibility, but i can't act because of my own relationships boundries (which in theory i do have some say in). If I like someone but they are the ones who cant break the rules i find it easier to let sleeping dogs lie, as I don't want interfere in others stuff.
I think I agree with all of this.
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