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Old 10-29-2013, 02:57 AM
fugue fugue is offline
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5

Originally Posted by bookbug View Post
Some people are just pushy. Is he pushy about any other things?
Not especially day-to-day, but he can be very domineering in discussion. He's an adept debater, so he can be very difficult to disagree with. I think he just wants me to agree with him, haha. Funny...but annoying as HELL when you don't feel heard.

Originally Posted by bookbug View Post
My experiences have been more like LovingRadiance -full integration. That said, it appears to be more rare, and I would say the majority of people that post here keep their relationships separate. I don't mean completely hidden necessarily, but when when you are on a date, the attention is wholly focused on one another barring an emergency. I do not blame you for wanting his full attention when you two are together.
Yes, I'm not interested in keeping things completely hidden (I find it disingenuous), but full integration is something that both intrigues and daunts me. I think in theory is sounds lovely, but hard to find the right people and perhaps difficult to maintain (rare, as you say). I think it would be something I'd love to do, granted I found the right people! And perhaps I have, who knows. Time will tell! And thank you for affirming I am not, in fact, crazy for wanting some focus, at least in the beginning of this!

Originally Posted by bookbug View Post
Successful polyamory is about nurturing more than one relationship at a time. It means caring for the older relationship, even in the midst of NRE. Granted, some people are better at this than others. Your guy kind of sucks at it.
Totally agree!

Originally Posted by bookbug View Post
Now, here is something I wonder would be helpful to you, if you just arrange to meet the other girl - maybe just the two of you? Could be after you meet her, see her as a person, that all of your fears fall away. Hell, he might be pushing her too.
This is something I definitely want to do in time, granted things work out with all this (that I feel respected again). From what I know and hear about TPG's new girl, I think we would get on rather well. I don't blame her for the issues between TPG & I, those are troubles stemming from his and my miscommunication.

However, she may have contributed to some degree, as I do know they process together. She has expressed to TPG (and he, to me) that she is uncomfortable with me not wanting to know or hear about her—and as such I believe she has been emphatic about meeting me (and texting actively while she knows he & I are together, knowing I've told TPG it bothered me right now).

There must be some miscommunication here (thank you, telephone, wonderful game), because that is not how I feel at all. I'm an inherently curious person, there is no way I won't ask questions about her (I already have) or want to meet her, if things were to go on. Perhaps we won't be attracted to one another (TPG hopes so, obviously) or even get along particularly well, but at the very least I'd want to meet her eventually. However, what bothers me most about this scenario is, knowing I wasn't ready to meet or hear about her, she was (seemingly) pushy about being acknowledged. I do think it's important for her to feel acknowledged. I do think that should be on my terms, however. Again, this could just be another case of telephone, all the more reason for us to meet and assuage both our fears.

I talked with TPG, and he brought up my not really having a poly network to process all this with (hence my reaching out here—thank you so much for the advice!). The thought made me feel very positive about meeting her and talking with her about these things, and all things poly. Granted, I am worried about us being impartial, but I have to trust that we will be honest with one another.

TPG offered to be there as well, but NO, thank you. I think it being just she and I would be ideal. I think having him there would really throw things off, and perhaps make the either of us less candid. He might be pushing her, too, as you said.
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