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Old 08-07-2013, 07:14 AM
InfinitePossibility InfinitePossibility is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 669

Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
She knows that the reason is because she is spending all of her time at work, with a lover, or whatever. My telling her that sounds like I'm trying to correct her behavior so my goal is to not say that kind of stuff.
You write such interesting stuff, Marcus. I've been thinking about this for a while. My take on this is a little different - I think?

I reckon that very often the things that we think other people know about our requests are not always what they know. So - I would be hesitant about assuming that anybody else in my life would understand the emotions behind a request I might make about spending time with them. I'd rather say what is going on for me than assume that the other person knows.

This is a habit from my work - I work in IT doing programming and systems analysis. We try our best to avoid assuming that anybody we work with understands things that haven't been explicitly said - things tend to go wrong wherever assumptions have been made. It seems that when things are left unsaid, everybody has a slightly different take on them.

I very much agree with not wanting to correct somebody else's behaviour - we don't own our friends and partners and if they want to do other things that is absolutely up to them.

For me, it's important to say if their behaviour is something I am struggling with and more important if it's something that I'm not willing to deal with in a romantic relationship. Otherwise it's entirely possible that they could go on through their life, doing their thing, thinking everything is going well until I'd reached the point where I'd had enough and suggested just being friends. Shifting relationships like that is fine with me but sometimes its something that everybody involved would prefer to avoid and a bit of clear communication can be helpful.

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