SheepMusketeer
New member
Hi everyone,
I'm at the point in my life where I feel I know what I want, but I am struggling to get it, and it is difficult to know where to go next. It is great to see some like-minded people on here who've been through similar issues.
Here's the short version: been with my partner for 3 years; we married in August. In June I brought up the idea of opening up our marriage, having thought for some time that this was the way of life I wanted to lead. We agreed to try it for a while (sort of) but last month I was told by my partner that he couldn't cope with it and wanted to go back to our old life. Now I am unsure whether we will ever go back (to openness), and whether I will be happy if we don't.
Of course there are many details and nuances that complicate things. Here are a few:
- We don't currently live together. It may be that openness will become easier when we do live in the same house.
- I am relatively sexually (and emotionally) experienced while he has had few partners. I think this is one of the reasons he feels so jealous of me being with other guys, while I have no problem thinking of him with other women. In our 'open' experiment phase, he was allowed to sleep around while I could only meet guys for friendship.
- Although my initial vision of 'open relationship' was mainly focused around giving each other the freedom to have sex with other people, I have since fallen in love with someone else and realised that I do want emotional closeness with others too. (This was not unexpected. I fall in love with someone about once a year, it seems!)
I have felt a profound sense for some time that monogamy doesn't suit me and I don't understand why it is the default option for relationships in our society. I wish I had considered polyamory as a way of life much longer ago and hadn't waited until so soon before the wedding to bring it up with my partner. We have had some good conversations about it all (and also some frustrating ones!), but it's an idea that will take him a long time to come around to.
Anyway, happy to hear comments from others about my situation, or stories of others' attempts to reconcile their wishes with those of a monogamous partner.
-- Jane
I'm at the point in my life where I feel I know what I want, but I am struggling to get it, and it is difficult to know where to go next. It is great to see some like-minded people on here who've been through similar issues.
Here's the short version: been with my partner for 3 years; we married in August. In June I brought up the idea of opening up our marriage, having thought for some time that this was the way of life I wanted to lead. We agreed to try it for a while (sort of) but last month I was told by my partner that he couldn't cope with it and wanted to go back to our old life. Now I am unsure whether we will ever go back (to openness), and whether I will be happy if we don't.
Of course there are many details and nuances that complicate things. Here are a few:
- We don't currently live together. It may be that openness will become easier when we do live in the same house.
- I am relatively sexually (and emotionally) experienced while he has had few partners. I think this is one of the reasons he feels so jealous of me being with other guys, while I have no problem thinking of him with other women. In our 'open' experiment phase, he was allowed to sleep around while I could only meet guys for friendship.
- Although my initial vision of 'open relationship' was mainly focused around giving each other the freedom to have sex with other people, I have since fallen in love with someone else and realised that I do want emotional closeness with others too. (This was not unexpected. I fall in love with someone about once a year, it seems!)
I have felt a profound sense for some time that monogamy doesn't suit me and I don't understand why it is the default option for relationships in our society. I wish I had considered polyamory as a way of life much longer ago and hadn't waited until so soon before the wedding to bring it up with my partner. We have had some good conversations about it all (and also some frustrating ones!), but it's an idea that will take him a long time to come around to.
Anyway, happy to hear comments from others about my situation, or stories of others' attempts to reconcile their wishes with those of a monogamous partner.
-- Jane
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