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Old 09-01-2013, 05:02 AM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,598

Originally Posted by polywannacrackeryo View Post
... because she consumes me... every thought ... I've fallen, and fallen hard.
Sounds like you are still wrapped up in puppy love (NRE) to me. This isn't a game changing point, just something to keep in mind. This kind of emotional state tends to have the volume turned up on every possible emotion you could experience and can give you false positives if you aren't paying attention.

Originally Posted by polywannacrackeryo View Post
Is there such a thing as communication overload? Should I express my insecurities to my partner, even though they are things that cannot be changed?
Is F your only outlet for this kind of discussion? If so, I suggest you fix this post haste. Being able to have a healthy sounding board for your thoughts and feelings is a good thing but it doesn't always need to be with the person who is prompting these thoughts or feelings. I'm not saying you *shouldn't* discuss this with F, I am just recommending that if you don't have any other options this is not a good thing.

Originally Posted by polywannacrackeryo View Post
But sometimes I find myself wishing that things could be different, and I feel quite selfish. I never thought that I would feel this way. If anything, I should really be so grateful that her husband is okay with our relationship. I feel guilty for my feels.
Do yourself a favor, let go of this guilt garbage. This kind of "I feel so guilty" talk is generally only used for self-imposed torture or for emotional blackmail - either way I suggest you work on letting it go.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be happy and recognizing that what is happening currently is not promoting happiness. This situation is pretty messed up, honestly, so I don't think your having feelings of envy are out of line. Envy is pretty much just wanting something you don't have and you see that someone else *does* have it.

You are essentially in a secondary relationship in a number of rather significant ways. Living in the closet is a crappy place to be and you might consider whether or not this is going to be good for you in the long term (look how much headache it's giving you in the short term).

Originally Posted by polywannacrackeryo View Post
Is it okay to tell her my insecurities, even though they are irrational? Or, should I just suck it up, and keep telling myself that I need to get over being in second place?
A word on insecurities: Your insecurities are yours to fix, no one else can do that for you. Most of the time they crop up from unrelated past issues and general all-purpose poor self-image. However, sometimes these feelings are alerting us to the fact that there is an inequity in our midst and that we need to take a look at it. In your particular situation I don't see anything irrational about feeling some insecurity.

Being a dirty little secret would make me mondo insecure.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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