Ok, LT and I had a nice talk the other night. I expressed my feelings (in a nice calm manner). I also told her that I was not going o be practicing ANYTHING poly for a while. Then, I made a mistake. (like I always do) I told HER not to do anything poly either. I told her things were cut off for her and a new interest of hers. I told her that things were cut off for an OLD interest of hers. I told her it was ALL cut off.
STOP......
Then..... we have been communicating the last couple days....
STOP.....
Communication...key...
hmmm....
anyway...She and I started seeing each other again...eye to eye......
She has respected my wishes for her not to see anyone else....Then, yesterday, I made another mistake.
LT asked me if I would like to go to a country music concert with her on Sunday. I said "SURE! Thanks for asking me!" Then she asked (and also added in that it was ok to say no) if we could ask Airman to go with us. I answered the text with one word: "NO". I think I confused her. Then she reminded me where the concert would be, and where the tickets were acquired from....She also reminded me that our ex's, S & D might be there. She also reminded me that she would be there for 4 hours before I got off work and could come there to be with her.
It was about that time, that I realized what I had done. So I said that it was fine with me if she wanted to go, and if she wanted to ask Airman out to it, that was fine, but that I didn't want to go anymore. She said she would respect my wishes for her not to ask out Airman, and she simply wouldn't go.
LT LOVES country music. So I really don't want her to miss this. She hasn't been to a country concert in a long time now.
So I told her I would go, and the likelyhood of seeing S & D there was small.
Here's what I felt I did wrong: I denied her seeing Airman. Not out of jealousy....No....I have cut it all off for myself, and should not deny her as well. She is her own person, and I need to allow her to have that.
I cut it off becase I've been so frustrated recently. I keep hearing LT telling me that she would be ok with me having a gf.....but when I (in all my terrible timing) ask to go look online, she gets mad and upset. So...I told her I'm done eve looking for now. I think she has realized what she was doing, and has been extreemly understanding to me more recently. She has encouraged me to look again....however, I'm just not in the mood right now. I can't seem to handle any drama. It saddens me to not have the desire.....but....I think it is best for me right now.
Now, I have done a LOT wrong...so don't let this sound like I am totally innocent, and that I'm bashing her. She has been quite understanding. She also thinks that I often get on here and bash her and make her out to be a mean person. I try not to....She is usually very understanding and helps me out when I need her to.
I'm probably making a mistake posting this also....I hope not.