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Old 03-31-2013, 07:25 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by feef View Post
So, I'm 24 now. DK asked out another girl (TJ) who lives near him, and here's where shit hits the fan - she's really not comfortable with the whole situation. DK is very determined to make it work.
That may not be up to him. Either she's willing to learn about poly and accept it, or she's not. It's not entirely fair for him to try and convince her, either, if she's not on board. I see that as relationship pressure, which isn't cool.

Originally Posted by feef View Post
I really would like to meet her/talk to her, but would rather DK bringing it up as we've never spoken yet, and I wouldn't want her to feel ambushed or pressured.
Do you mean bring it up with her? Have you brought it up with him?

Assuming the first, that's reasonable. He's the one at the hinge at that vee, and it makes perfect sense for him to coordinate an initial meeting between the two arms.

Assuming the second, you can go grey waiting for someone to read your mind. Let him know you'd like to meet her and take it from there.

Originally Posted by Stevenjaguar View Post
IME people are either basically okay with sharing a lover or they're into the whole monogamy ownership shtick. If TJ breaks out in hives over the prospect of DK sleeping with you I don't see much future there somewhere.
Monogamy does not necessarily assume a sense of ownership. For that matter, polyamory does not necessarily exclude it.

Everyone has the right to set their own boundaries and decide what components they're willing to have in their relationships. Choosing to exclude yourself from relationships that have a poly component does not make you possessive.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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