im looking for guidance, specifically from someone who identifies with monogamy but is living with a polyamorous partner. And guidance from anyone else who has an idea.
Newish triad - been living together for 6 months. C and I are legally married and have two kids. A is married to D and they also have two kids. The way she came to live with us happened abruptly but was the only action that could be taken - living in the home with D was getting to be detrimental to the boys' lives and detrimental to A's happiness. A has always maintained a relationship with D, D has expressed his interest in being in a relationship with me - and the hope/goal was that eventually down the line we would all be living together - or at least be sharing a house (house with a suite) so that the boys wouldnt have to grow up in two separate houses.
We had been making headways, and had started to broach the idea of maybe finding a house as the boys are finding it a hard adjustment to go to daddy's house on weekends.
Here is the issue: D says he wants to live with everyone, wants to make it work, thinks he can make it work, thinks he can get over his issues, and wants us all to try. But in the same conversation he makes comments like "I dont know that I can do this" "A's sexual relationship with [us] is pretty much cheating and thats why he is jealous" he's "not sure he can actually process the feelings he has" and other such non confidence inspiring comments.
I dont know how to encourage him, or help him - or even if we can. Im not sure what to do here. He says he wants to try - but he has a ton of reservations and a ton of things that make him uncomfortable. Im okay with people feeling uncomfortable so long as they are able to process how they feel, work through it, talk about it, and turn it into something positive (I know i did this very thing when our relationship all started). But even he has said he doubts his own ability to do so.
Thoughts? guidance? Questions for me?
Newish triad - been living together for 6 months. C and I are legally married and have two kids. A is married to D and they also have two kids. The way she came to live with us happened abruptly but was the only action that could be taken - living in the home with D was getting to be detrimental to the boys' lives and detrimental to A's happiness. A has always maintained a relationship with D, D has expressed his interest in being in a relationship with me - and the hope/goal was that eventually down the line we would all be living together - or at least be sharing a house (house with a suite) so that the boys wouldnt have to grow up in two separate houses.
We had been making headways, and had started to broach the idea of maybe finding a house as the boys are finding it a hard adjustment to go to daddy's house on weekends.
Here is the issue: D says he wants to live with everyone, wants to make it work, thinks he can make it work, thinks he can get over his issues, and wants us all to try. But in the same conversation he makes comments like "I dont know that I can do this" "A's sexual relationship with [us] is pretty much cheating and thats why he is jealous" he's "not sure he can actually process the feelings he has" and other such non confidence inspiring comments.
I dont know how to encourage him, or help him - or even if we can. Im not sure what to do here. He says he wants to try - but he has a ton of reservations and a ton of things that make him uncomfortable. Im okay with people feeling uncomfortable so long as they are able to process how they feel, work through it, talk about it, and turn it into something positive (I know i did this very thing when our relationship all started). But even he has said he doubts his own ability to do so.
Thoughts? guidance? Questions for me?