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Well I was in a poly relationship with a man and a woman. Things ended (very) badly but I've come out the other side with a greater understanding of myself and my relationship style. This was my first poly relationship but i realised what was off about all my relationships before this.

I am recently seeing an awesome guy that says he gets polyamory but prefers monogamous relationships. I suspect that he would be okay with me dating other girls. the relationship is very new and we haven't discussed all the nuances of what we both want yet. let's call him J.

I have also had a few dates with another guy that is interested in a play partner. I am also interested but have to discuss this with all parties involved before it goes any where. I have to find out if it is just playing he's interested in or more. So far we've met a couple of times but have just talked. this is B.

They don't know about each other yet but that is something that i will remedy the next time i see both.

Also talking to a girl that I'm crushing on but i think that she's mostly straight so that may just develop into a cool friendship.

I am not taking anything too seriously right now, just testing the waters and having fun.
 
Sounds like you're doing well.
 
Well J is no longer in the picture as a partner. He first stated that he wanted an exclusive sexual relationship and then after I agreed to that, for the time being, he decided that he didn't want to have sex at all. First he doesn't want me to have sex with others then he doesn't want sex at all. This after barely seeing each other for 2 months....what the....? He still wants to sleep in the same bed and hold hands and kiss but he's not offering anything else. I told him that I would be seeking other partners if this is the way it's going to be. I will still hang out with him and be friends, we are better that way anyhow.

B is still in the picture, sort of. We put the play discussion on hold in light of J's request but now that's off the table I can open negotiations with B again...;)

I have been thinking a lot about what type of relationships I want in my life. I came from a very dysfunctional relationship earlier this year. It was a very codependent, passive aggressive environment, where everyone always ganged up on one member of the household and that person was made into the bad guy. I, to my shame, joined on these witch hunts and eventually I became the "bad guy". Well that was one of the best things that happened to me. It got me out of a poisonous relationship and a dysfunctional house. Sadly, my 5 yo stepdaughter is still there and there's nothing that i can do about it... Suffice it to say that I am not interested in being in a relationship like that again. Going forward I want to make sure that my relationships are open, honest and loving. I have a lot of my own issues to work on but in the future I think that my relationships will be much more successful, at least i hope so... :rolleyes:
 
Thanks for the update. I wonder why J decided on no sex? I can guess at it from a mono perspective but that's it. I hope your play partner works out though ;)
 
i wonder too Mono, but he won't give me a straight answer so i guess I'll just have to keep wondering...I believe he is mono but when i brought up poly at the beginning he said he was cool with it, then he changed and said that he wanted to be exclusive and now... no sex. This is too much in a barely 2 month old very casual relationship, at least for me it is...
 
i wonder too Mono, but he won't give me a straight answer so i guess I'll just have to keep wondering...I believe he is mono but when i brought up poly at the beginning he said he was cool with it, then he changed and said that he wanted to be exclusive and now... no sex. This is too much in a barely 2 month old very casual relationship, at least for me it is...

Quick points...the things that seem ok before you fall in love often change after you do...especially in a mono poly dynamic. That cannot be predicted, it has to be experienced to understand.

No sex?....either he's just can't deal with the idea of you having sex with another guy which makes him physically ill, cuts off his energy or renders him impotent (In which case he is fine to have a very close but not sexually intimate relationship with you)

Or..

He is subconsciously punishing you.

Just quick thoughts.

Good luck my friend
 
thanks Mono. I appreciate your input.

Whatever is going on in his head is his own stuff to deal with. I will still support J, be his friend, I just won't sacrifice my happiness for his issues that's what got me into trouble in my last relationship.

here's going forward. I'm pretty excited that i have a date with B tomorrow and then going to a friend's birthday party!
 
thanks Mono. I appreciate your input.

Whatever is going on in his head is his own stuff to deal with. I will still support J, be his friend, I just won't sacrifice my happiness for his issues that's what got me into trouble in my last relationship.

here's going forward. I'm pretty excited that i have a date with B tomorrow and then going to a friend's birthday party!

It is great to hear that you are aware and confident enough to know how to have a positive relationship with J regardless of what shape it takes. That is so much better than just turning away.

Enjoy your date and the party!
 
I think that J started seeing another girl and that's why he didn't want to have sex with me anymore. It's just a feeling I have based on some arbitrary things I have heard and read. I believe that he's wired mono and so him taking up with another girl and not sleeping with me anymore makes sense in his world. But not telling me or even talking to me for the past 2 weeks, that really sucks. He could have at least had the common decency to let me know the real reason he didn't want to see me anymore. Whatever, I'll cut my losses.

B on the other hand is still very much interested. Sadly he broke his leg on Friday and so our date was postponed...:(

So back to the drawing board and back to being single. sigh.
 
Whatever, I'll cut my losses.
Good plan.
B on the other hand is still very much interested. Sadly he broke his leg on Friday and so our date was postponed...:(

So back to the drawing board and back to being single. sigh.
That kinda sucks. At least it's only postponed...you know what they say about anticipation!

Hope things start looking up for you soon...it sounds like you've had some valuable lessons out of the last couple relationships...so hopefully with some patience you'll get to people who will teach less, and enjoy more. Or maybe just more enjoyable lessons...either way works.
 
i have been getting a lot of flak from one of my friends about my poly leanings. I get that she cares about me and doesn't want to see me hurt but every time I try to explain things to her, she doesn't want to hear about it. I am not going to change the way I am to suit her but it is very frustrating as she is one of my best friends (as well as my roomie). Her comment when i told her I was poly was that she didn't want a revolving door on our house. I tried to explain that it's not all about having sex with random strangers but she doesn't really get it. she has zero problem with my bisexuality.

I'm not looking for advice on this one, she was in a LTR that ended badly with her BF of 9 years cheating on her and so is having trust issues with guys in general. She doesn't think that this love style will work for her and so I think that she thinks it shouldn't work for me. I will just carry on living how i live and she can disapprove or not as she sees fit, I will not try to change her mind any longer...

Just a rant to get things off my chest, I feel much better about this thanks. :D
 
I will just carry on living how i live and she can disapprove or not as she sees fit, I will not try to change her mind any longer...

Just a rant to get things off my chest, I feel much better about this thanks. :D

Sometimes there really isn't much else to do is there?!

And no problem...that's what we're here for....I think. Maybe.
 
i was just rereading some old posts of mine on the board from when i first joined and was having issues with my exes. i am soooooooo happy to be out of that relationship and be in my own space. I totally get RedPepper's need/want/desire for space. i didn't have any at all in my former relationship. i had no physical, mental or emotional space in that house. Now the only creatures I share my space with on a regular basis are my roommate, my two cats and her dog. I have my own (big) room, we also have a den, a living room and a big deck. It's so great to not have to share all my living space with everyone i live with. Well i still have to share with the cats, but they're pretty quiet (most of the time...)

This forum was such a great help for me when my relationship was breaking down. i felt like there were people listening to me (the exes weren't) and that someone out there cared that i was hurting. I have been thinking a lot lately about my old relationship and how glad I am that it's over. I am so excited for the next phase in my life to see where that goes. Thanks to everyone that tried to help me out and that has made me feel welcome and wanted around here. Okay now I'm just getting a bit cheesy and I'll stop. :rolleyes:

Hopefully there will be some exciting developments happening in my life soon...
 
It's been a very long time since I last posted here. Life has been interesting. I just started a new job at a local craft brewery, the brewmaster is teaching me and another woman (who happens to be a friend of mine)the ins and outs of the industry. It's all pretty boring to the average human being but super exciting to me.

I am currently in a fairly new relationship with an amazing man, let's call him Wolf, we have developed very strong feelings for each other in a very short time. We both thought that it would be one of those relationships that burns bright for a couple months and then fizzles. That hasn't happened yet and I couldn't be happier. I recently met his wife and we got along very well. She just seems like a very cool person. I'm also dating casually, I haven't met anyone of note as of yet but working on it is fun :D

Recently I have had some very serious issues with one of my housemates, she decided to move her boyfriend of a month into her room without discussing it with the rest of the house. Originally there were 4 of us living here, now there are 6! One of her friends came to stay with us also. Fortunately they are moving out at the end of the month. There have been other things, like eating other people's food, drinking their alcohol, leaving doors wide open when leaving the house and just generally being disrespectful to everyone.

This stress, coupled with taking on a new job that is a significant pay cut and Wolf starting to date another woman sent me into a tail spin. I have suffered from depression and anxiety in the past but have successfully controlled it without meds. Not this time though. I spiraled out of control for about a week and a half but finally saw a doctor and am starting to get my control back. I guess this situation brought up a bunch of insecurities I have (thanks anxiety) particularly in my relationship with Wolf. Fortunately he and I were able to talk them through and get a greater understanding of how the other thinks and both of us feel better and closer after our discussion. I was able to talk to him about his date and be genuinely happy for him whereas before I was a total mess.
 
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I've been struggling with what to write here. I have so many thoughts and emotions running through my head right now that I'm so confused and can't really seem to put it in to words.

I'm overwhelmed with my own emotions, I'm trying to deal with them. My partner is a big time fixer and doesn't like to see the people he loves struggling and so takes on a lot himself. I have been an emotional mess and dumping on him, and so he's been taking it in and pushing it down and not feeling his feelings so he can be strong for me. This led to him having a breakdown after he left my house today and now I feel guilty about it. I don't want him to take everything on and get overwhelmed himself but I also want to be able to talk about things with him.

Our communication.styles are really similar, we have a hard time with certain types of communication. Namely when it revolves around taking care of our selves. We have both agreed that this is something we need to work on both separately and together. We made a couple of agreements on how we were going to deal with my feelings of struggling with insecurity in our relationship and communication on when we needed space and closeness.

I
 
My life has been ticking along. I really don't have much to write about. My anxiety gets the better of me from time to time but I'm controlling that through the wonders of modern medicine.

Tonight I'm going to karaoke with my partner, his wife and some of their friends. I have met his wife once before and we got along well. However I'll be meeting some of their friends for the first time. Plus spending an extended period with him and his wife. Should be an interesting evening. I'm actually looking forward to it.
 
So I've been really struggling recently with my moods and trying to keep balanced. My brain keeps coming up with worst case scenarios about everything. Particularly my relationship. I'm feeling so lonely these days. I know that wolf loves me but it's just not enough. I often think I would be better off on my own then I wouldn't struggle with feeling alone, unwanted, not good enough. The thing is that he tells me every single day that I am not alone, I am wanted, I am good enough. I struggle to get my brain to believe it. I'm so sick of feeling alone all the time.

I have had a series of events that happened in my life that lead me to have a depressive episode. I'm on meds and trying to regain some equilibrium but the smallest thing happens and I can't function. I am looking into counselling. I have just started over in a new career and so money is very tight, my paycheque pretty much just pays my bills and not much else. I've had to give up doing the sport I love because I can't afford it.
 
I'm so ready to give up on online dating! I'm so frustrated. 😖 It seems like every single person that sends me a message turns out to be a giant doucherocket or or they just ghost after a short time!
I get quite a few messages, most of them seem alright to begin with. Alright enough that we get to the stage of talking about meeting, often deciding on a time and place. At this point the messages go one of two ways. Either they just completely stop talking to me or they turn into the aforementioned doucherocket. In the past two weeks, I've gotten two dick pics, a few requests to meet to have sex, that night and a couple of requests to help them cheat. I clearly state that I'm looking for dating and not a hookup and reiterate that in my conversations with them but it doesn't seem to get through. I'm so done with it all!

I'm very thankful for my partner, he's amazing. I love him to pieces.
 
Well tonight Wolf broke up with me. I'm heartbroken. I'm devastated. I'm at a loss.

He came over to my place last night to make me dinner and take care of me because I've been sick. We went to my bed to cuddle and I thought it would lead to sex. Instead it lead to us both feeling awful and guilty. In my past relationship my ex used to withhold sex as a way to "punish" me. In his his ex used to guilt him into doing things like having sex. Our triggers collided. This is not the first time but he decided today that he was done.

We talked for a while on the phone and agreed to think about things and meet on Friday to discuss what is going to happen.

I just don't know what to do. I'm at a loss. I'm so sad and so angry and so not ready for this to be over.
 
I am sorry : (((

Maybe it isn't over? You will see on Friday I guess...
 
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