Forums: Help or Hinder?

After first coming to this forum it felt great! We are in small town BC and felt very alone! Being able to know that there are many others out there in somewhat similar situations, and hearing how they faced like issues was, and is fantastic. Reading through posts has either answered many questions or at least showed a different point of view. Simply put....Food for thought!

On the flip side, there are not enough hours in the day to read back through the many posts and archives. Like many others in todays society we lead very busy lives, and trying to manage time in a relationship, family, work, home etc. The ability to ask a question and receive feedback can be very illuminating, to quote Sweetie.." there is no such thing as a stupid question if you don't know the answer!"

I have to agree that there is a Jerry Springer atmosphere quite often. Very much a 'clique' and the idea of a Members Only Club only inforces this. I have to agree also with Ceoli that a lot of valuable thoughts and perspectives would be missed. What makes the feelings and thoughts of one with less posts on a forum less important than one who has had the time for many posts?

Like I said.....food for thought!;)
 
What makes the feelings and thoughts of one with less posts on a forum less important than one who has had the time for many posts?

Like I said.....food for thought!;)

You're absolutely right! I am fortunate enough to have access 24 and 7almost.

I think we can all agree that narrowing circles is something best kept away from the forums.
 
My interperetation of what people were suggesting with a members area was an area where you would have to have an account in order to read it. If I was correct in that interperetation then even people with 0 posts would be able to read it, but search engines and unregistered guests would not be able to read it. That really wouldn't protect you from much other than a person would at least have to give a valid email address in order to read it.

I personally have no need for such an area and have no complaints with things the way they are, but I do understand why some would have a desire to create safer space. But it seems like YGirl has the perfect answer to that with the multiple recipient PMs. Plenty of safe space there.
 
Ok not so much a members only club. Just a place where those of us who are regulars could post photos etc. Say with 10 post count limit. So its not too exclusive. Just for those who plan to stick around!
 
Just for the info of all. You can creat a private album that can only be viewed by your contacts. Just so you know!
 
I have to agree that there is a Jerry Springer atmosphere quite often. Very much a 'clique' and the idea of a Members Only Club only inforces this. I have to agree also with Ceoli that a lot of valuable thoughts and perspectives would be missed. What makes the feelings and thoughts of one with less posts on a forum less important than one who has had the time for many posts?

Like I said.....food for thought!;)

Nothing-but why I suggested that was because some people would feel comfortable sharing more personal info with people they had gotten to know here. But are not comfortable sharing it with random unknowns-or spammers. We do get the occassional spammer join for a few days. If there weren't some sort of limitation-then all of a sudden EVERYTHING would be available to them as well.
For me I don't care how MUCH you (general you) post. I care that people feel comfortable sharing.
Does that make sense?
Like mono was talking about putting his real pic on. I would anyway-but some people-that could be more risky. And having random spammers accessing that info could cause issues...
 
This forum, and I can't remember for the life of me how I found it......has been a Godsend.....I never, ever dreamed of approaching my wife about moving our marriage forward in a poly way, but with so much to read and learn about on here, it quickly became a no brainer to do so.

I truly hope that so many others out there like myself can find this special place and the special people that exist on here. Some of you know who you are and you'll never fully realize how much of an impact you have had on so many people's lives and relationships.

I am an information junkie, an avid communicator, and finally, a healer of bodies and now hearts, too. There has been absolutely no downside to my being on here, other than to have my two loves complain that this puter is in my lap for too many hours on some nights. Hence, my reduced participation lately....as others here at home need my more immediate attention. I hope all my friends on here understand.
 
mark, we forgive you... besides I don't feel like you've left as we have emailed lots!

I for one don't like the idea of segregation for senior memebers. I understand how it is appealing, but I have friends on my facebook now who know me in a very different light than on here and I know them. It makes my sense of community feel that much tighter... if they aren't on my facebook then we email... it all works and if anyone wants to do either, or if I want to then it can be arranged.

The whole idea of knowing someone beyond this forum is very appealing to me as I am not the person that you all think I am. I realized that when I met some of you elsewhere, saw your pictures and lives in a different way and realized that you all see me in that different way also. It has changed my view of people on here that I only know a small part of their lives and in no way should think I have a right to judge them for what they write on here.

I love to think that friendships can last longer than this forum, or at least longer than my interest in it.
 
one down side is that I write long posts that I think no one has read and then get sad and think I've wasted my time.... especially as quite often they are repeats of what I have already said three months ago... oh well, my problem.
 
one down side is that I write long posts that I think no one has read and then get sad and think I've wasted my time.... especially as quite often they are repeats of what I have already said three months ago... oh well, my problem.

Oh I read 'em.
I know Maca reads 'em too-but then he gets overwhelmed by all the new ideas in his head and sits around staring at the walls instead of replying! Silly guy!

But I know what you mean. We get a mental pic of each other but it's not always clear. Some people come on here and only share the bad parts. But we never see the good side-so then we don't realize there is a FULL life there.
Maca has a bad time of writing most often when he feels hopeless and like a failure. Just last night I pointed out to him that when he gets down he forgets all the good things.If I start naming them then he feels dumb because of course there are so many! Then he wonders what is wrong with him. It's just perspective. He spent so many years thinking that his life was crap and he was crap that he is having to re-learn his whole way of looking at himself and his life in THAT arena and of course that effects his way of interpreting and seeing things in EVERY relationship-but most especially ours.
 
My husband is very well read and aware of the very same things Maca is. Albeit for different reasons though. If Maca wants I will ask him to put a reading list together and can email it to you.

It really seems to be a mind set. My husband explains it like our minds are like cross country skiing tracks. Its easy to ski when the path is well used, but try to get off the path and make a new one and its difficult. Its the same with many things in life really. Its all about neuro programming or something... Geesh, not really my thing to know the names of things. More of an ideas person, but something like that. Anyway, I can certainly ask him for the book he read on it!

More on hinders- I find that I become emotionally involved with peoples issues on here and need a break some times. I often get off the computer and my shoulders are pulled up and tense and I realize I have forgotten to breath the whole time. I need breaks now and then just to process! I think I mentioned this in another thread I to you LR.
 
My husband is very well read and aware of the very same things Maca is. Albeit for different reasons though. If Maca wants I will ask him to put a reading list together and can email it to you.

It really seems to be a mind set. My husband explains it like our minds are like cross country skiing tracks. Its easy to ski when the path is well used, but try to get off the path and make a new one and its difficult. Its the same with many things in life really. Its all about neuro programming or something... Geesh, not really my thing to know the names of things. More of an ideas person, but something like that. Anyway, I can certainly ask him for the book he read on it!

More on hinders- I find that I become emotionally involved with peoples issues on here and need a break some times. I often get off the computer and my shoulders are pulled up and tense and I realize I have forgotten to breath the whole time. I need breaks now and then just to process! I think I mentioned this in another thread I to you LR.

That would be awesome RP! Maca is really focused on working on himself right now. I've had to remind him (as have a few other kind souls) that Rome wasn't built in a day (so I've heard) but he is very interested in leraning so much more now that he's realized how closed up emotionally he's been for so long from the world.
And yes -you did mention that you have to take a break sometimes.

I gave myself a new rule-I decided that if the first post doesn't "touch me" I'm not reading a thread and I'm not replying in it either. Because it's too time consuming to try to be nice to everyone (nothing personal newbies).
I also decided that instead of reading a responding to everyone else's stuff only-I was going to write some of my own. I got that idea from watching Mono actually. He takes time to write the deepest things-and I know that reading them helps me. I thought-well heck-why not just work on my own stuff and it can potentially help someone else AND I might get useful feedback too. Either way I'm focused back on MY life and not freaking out about everyone elses. (hope that doesn't sound self centered). that one little post of yours really got me thinking and so we'll see how it goes! ;)
 
Yes I do that too LR. Sometimes a thread a day is all I can do because I get overwhelmed. I pick and chose too. I get something out of reading everything, but find it unnecessary to repeat myself most of the time. Most people say the same things I would anyway. Sometimes their posts make me think of a new take. I love that. Totally my thing the whole relationship dynamic thing!
 
Dear Mono,

I am a unregular guest on this forum. But I really like reading the stories and questions people write. They remind me that there are more people dealing, experiencing 'deep' feelings and adventures in their relationships. They give me a time to reflect my feelings and I come at ease.
I always really look for your writing. I'm a mono too and my husband isn't and I'm dealing with this in a way that could be improved I suppose. It feels like the trick is that because I really love him and want to live my life with him I have to accept him as he is though this is not how I am. Hmm and really say goodbye to times past when things were different (just the 2 of us and our 2 kids). Live here and now. We 3 have together now 4 kids (3+1) which are wonderful and a great gift to our lives but it made my life far more complicated then I ever imagined. My husband, she and I get emotionally strechted to the limits. Our lives sometimes really sound like a soapstory, one you think is a bit over the edge. I'm a sometimes really jealous and mourn over times past, but these feelings pass and I can be happy and feel fascinatingly blessed by these wonderful people around me.

Anyway thank you.
Estar
 
This place rules. I have pulled more information on positive communication here than just about anywhere I've looked. At the beginning of our journey, this forum gave us a place to speak freely and ask questions that couldn't be answered anywhere else.

The only drawback I can think of is the public aspect. When I signed up, I chose the username I've used for everything for the last few years. Now when I search Google for that user name this forum in #3 on the list. That was my mistake and I have recently altered my username here. And that's fine, really. I'm not too concerned with people knowing this is the path my life has taken, but at the same time, a little anonymity goes a long way.

All in all, I am very proud to be involved with such a lovely group of passionate people as yourselves.

Carry on.
 
I changed the default settings for the boards so that nothing is now pre-indexed for the search engines. Apparently, vBulletin doesn't have a setting for disallowing search engines from rummaging through the site.
 
I always find it a help to be able to express myself and share my thoughts, whether about my own situation or to offer my thoughts to someone else's situation.
 
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