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Old 04-24-2011, 06:32 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
A friend recently said to me, "Don't make someone a priority if they make you an option."
I like to follow this, good advice. Although I'm not sure for this case... I have a different opinion.

I see a man that just had a new born and feels like his "dad" life is over taking his "guy" life so he had an option, go visit the woman that could cause some shit to hit the fan at home? Or go to a concert. How much drama could he cause from each thing and what is his best option of the too as a result of figuring that out. I would pick the concert myself.

I would imagine that his partner with the baby is feeling overwhelmed, anxious about being a mum, feeling perhaps fat, ugly and undesirable too and the last thing she would want to have to deal with is her DADT policy. I would also think that the last thing he would want to do is go from one woman who is stressed, anxious and overwhelmed, to another who is stressed, anxious and overwhelmed... the man needed a break, not more of the same.... cut him some slack! Geesh, going to a concert was the best bet! Where is the compersion here?!

I have to say, I'm not big on the "she thinks she has it hard, well I have it harder" bit. I think you would be better off saying, "look honey, you have a new born, I have a mum who is dying; lets take a break for 6 months and see where we are at, cause neither of us have time for this right now." That to me would of been respectful, thoughtful, considerate and progressive thing to do. That way you could concentrate, not on finding a new man that apparently will jump right in there as the shoulder to cry on and soul supporter of you in your hour of need (this generally doesn't go over well when dating I have discovered), but to concentrate on these last moments with your mother and come together with your family.

I'm sorry about your mum, truly I am, but I really think you are spending far too much time thinking about yourself and who should be doing stuff for you, and not enough time focusing on what is important ie. your mum and all that comes with a loved one who dies. I really don't think a man who just had a baby is what is important right now... do you?
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