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Old 04-19-2010, 10:42 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

Originally Posted by demanda View Post
See this is what I don't understand about polyamory. Isnt it supposed to be about having it all? I dont want to be owned by someone, but want to be so special and connected to someone that they take that risk with me. It seems like there are plenty of married couples that engage in it and are happy. Can I hear from some of them?
The whole notion of "having entanglements" is a consideration, but seriously, someone throwing that out there just lends itself to the perception most have about polyamory that I know of- that it is immature and irresponsible and the core comes from being brought up around a dysfunctional family. I would like to believe that there are many different ways to define a healthy relationship. Honestly that type of insight to this lifestyle seems narrow and juvenille.

Um, polyamory in and of itself isn't more or less immature. What IS more or less immature are people.

There are mature people who are polyamorous.
There are mature people who are monogomous.
There are immature people who are polyamorous.
There are immature people who are monogomous.

Being polyamorous or monogomous has NOTHING to do with the maturity of the relationship. The level of maturity in the PEOPLE who are having the relationship defines the maturity of the relationship.

Personally-my advice as a poly woman is very much the same as Mono's.

My REASON for that (having only read the first THREE posts so far) is:

honestly I am just way too sensitive and insecure

he does have a tendency to act out in regard to going on about ex's and leer at other women and it is upsetting to me.
(which by the way hasn't a damn thing to do with being bipolar and if either of you thinks so, you ought to research bipolar a little more...


Last week he mentioned in a joking manner about us being a primary in a poly relationship. I was hurt and devastated and almost called the whole relationship off.

I am honestly afraid that my jealousy and insecurity are going to be the downfall of this relationship.
NONE of these above quotes suggests that you are ready for the level of commitment, responsibility and work marriage requires, much less the HIGHER level of commitment, responsibility and work that a POLY-marriage requires.
That doesn't mean foreboding for the relationship. It does mean that taking a long time to fix the issues permanently that already exist (like jealousy and insecurity) before embarking on either of those two types of relationships would be a GREAT idea.

So-thumbs up to Mon for giving you concrete, stable, sensible and sound advice, even if it was a bit painful for you read.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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