Simultaneous NRE

I am so sorry you are going through this. :(

He hasn't been meeting your needs. You have brought it to his attention a few times. No lasting changes are happening.

You are losing respect/love/caring for him as a result.

I know that's hard to come to terms with when what you want is to be able to respect/love/care for him. Unfortunately, what you want to do and what you are able to do at this time are in conflict. :(

Hang in there.
Galagirl
 
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Thank you, Jenny and GG.
 
TBH, that sounds like a playful, spontaneous way to meet and get to know someone. I could see myself doing that - it sounds like they had fun. If I'd told you I went to an event like that and did the same thing with a man I'd met there, I have a sneaking suspicion you would have given me some kind of "atta girl" cheering on. But I realize this is Ginger we're talking about, so she was all up in his business, invading his personal space. She must be evil, lending him her scrunchie.



Mags, you know I regard you as a friend and we've shared a lot, so I hope you won't hate me for saying this, but I think you are losing your mind a little over this. Is a "mile" with Ginger truly yours to give? Have you now put yourself in the position of approving his calendar? Does his wife even do that? Does everyone agreeing to give you a heads-up a few days in advance acctually mean Ginger is no longer free to be spontaneous and that he is not allowed to spend his time as he wants?

Your metamours don't have to be your enemies just because you were there before they were. I truly hope this situation stops being so intensely uncomfortable for you. I've been thinking about you quite a lot.

I don't know the Op at all but I read most of this blog after I commented on another thread. There are times in a relationship where I have a very simple issue but pride and ego prevents me from seeing the problem for what it is. Instead of just admitting that I am jealous or I am insecure, I dress the problem up in a way that usually involves putting the blame onto others. I suspect this is the case here. I did mention it in the other thread but the tone of the reply was as if Magdlyn was going to ripy throat out if I dared say more, so I didn't. Unfortunately, I don't see this situation improving until everyone involves admits where they aren't being entirely fair.
 
I'm sorry that you struggle, Mags. Things between all of you sound tense and difficult.

I'm sure that Ginger's ongoing health problems can't be helping. He sounds like he is normally wonderfully healthy, sexual and happy. Perhaps finding himself feeling a little more old and unwell is driving him to seek out new experiences and contacts with little thought to consequences or the feelings of those already in his life?

Wishing you a smoother, easier life in the near future.

IP
 
I'm sorry that you struggle, Mags. Things between all of you sound tense and difficult.

I'm sure that Ginger's ongoing health problems can't be helping. He sounds like he is normally wonderfully healthy, sexual and happy. Perhaps finding himself feeling a little more old and unwell is driving him to seek out new experiences and contacts with little thought to consequences or the feelings of those already in his life?

Wishing you a smoother, easier life in the near future.

IP

Thanks, IP. Who knows the reason? He is not the man I thought he was the first year. Must've been that old devil NRE making him so attentive. Kind of feels like a bait and switch.

Now he is booked, overbooked up the hoohah. He saw his other lovers this week Wednesday midday for several hours. Saw me for 3 hrs Thursday evening, he was in a lot of pain and couldn't have sex. We tried, he frustrated me. Saw the others on Friday (last night) evening til 1AM. Tonight he is going to drumming and tada! his others will be there too.

He is booked to come here to me tonight for an overnight after drumming. But he messaged an hour ago to say his wife needs their (presently only working) car at 10am tomorrow, and she hadn't put it on their calendar. And just then a friend was coming to his place to do work with him getting ready for the drum and possible sweat lodge he is going to host sometime soon. So he may well get to tonight's drumming late, since he is doing the set-up for his own event right now. So for all I know he will not get here til midnight tonight, and he has to leave at 9:30 am tomorrow. And we will sleep for 6 hours at least so... 3 1/2 hours for our "date."

C&D have already booked him Mon and Wed of next week. Miss Pixi and I are going on vacation next week with with my son. We are leaving Tuesday. My son is getting here Monday and we will be packing our gear all day. So this was my last chance to see Ginger.

And so it goes... I am getting squeezed out.

To make me even more pitiful, miss pixi is with her bf tonight in Boston. I was supposed to work today 4-8, which would've been fun and distracting, but the mom cancelled because one of the kids is sick. So I have no other plans.

So glad I am getting out of Dodge next week. Ginger might be able to come by and water my plants 2-3 times while I am gone, at least. I've got some tomatoes going.
 
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Saw his other lovers for several hours. Saw me for a few hours but was in too much pain so couldn't have sex.

Are you serious ?
 
Sorry, I am not getting your point. Somehow he is managing some kind of 3way sex with the others several times a week. Despite last Sunday and Thursday being in too much pain to have sex with me, he managed 3way "sex" with them on Wed and Friday.

All this is now moot. I broke up with him last night, and I am so relieved.
 
I am sorry, Mags. I was hoping it would not end like that, but you have been hurting for awhile. That is no way to live. I do hope you find peace and happiness. Sending hugs your way.
 
I am sorry Mags...

*Hugs*
 
Thanks Ry and Dagferi.

I guess I will try and recap. Ginger got here late last night after dancing. Sally ended the drumming on the early side, and invited people back to her place to skinnydip in her pool, since it was hot. He said the swimming was mostly couples and he wished I'd been with him. I snorted out loud when he told me this. Feeling so vulnerable around those people and the situation, getting naked with them is the last thing I want to do right now.

I'd been asleep for an hour or so when he got here, so he climbed in bed with me. We started talking and it soon devolved into another talk about my unhappiness at his behavior. Long story short, I was trying to tell him how he's been hurting me the past year in general, and specifically the last couple weeks.

He finally got hurt and angry and told me I was telling him he was "a terrible person" (I wasn't), and that all this was "in my head," or because I was "depressed," I was "irrational," and should start "acting like a civilized human being." I had kept my voice low, I had not engaged in character or ad hominem attacks, so this felt like gaslighting. That is when I finally said those words, "I am breaking up with you." We talked a little longer, he started getting emotional and wild and I asked him quietly, 3 times, "Please leave."

So he did. He forgot his pack though, and returned at 6am to get it. I was still in bed, and heard him return. He also dropped off his key.

I had said, "Now you can concentrate on the relationship with C&D," and he had replied that he would be in no mood to continue with them now that I was ending us. But he messaged miss pixi then around 1am to tell her about this. She was at her bf's and didn't see it til she left his place around 9am. She messaged him and they chatted back and forth. He told her his "support system" was at a funeral, and I know C&D had a death in their friend circle last week. So, if he considers them his support system, I guess they will go on as friends/lovers.

I am sad we fell apart like this. There are many things about him I love and will miss, but weighing the pros and cons of it, there was just too much bad and pain and disappointment, to outweigh the good and happiness and the needs and goals I have for a healthy relationship.
 
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I am sad we fell apart like this. There are many things about him I love and will miss, but weighing the pros and cons of it, there was just too much bad and pain and disappointment, to outweigh the good and happiness and the needs and goals I have for a healthy relationship.

I am so sorry and have huge empathy. Today I will know if I'm in the same boat as you. It hurts but if you're not in a healthy relationship, it's like we're just dying inside. Hugs
 
Oh shit! I am so sorry it had to end! But if you do feel relieved, then it must have been what you needed to do. I know you never really cared for my perspective on it, but I was so-oooo hoping everything would settle down, get more comfortable, and work out for all of you.

(((HUGS)))
 
Hugs, Mags... Once you get back, let's get you out of the house. I have a bungalow to show off. :)
 
I am sorry to hear about the break up.

I am glad you are relieved though, and hope healing happens smoothly for you.

Galagirl
 
Thanks for the support, friends. YAH, especially looking forward to seeing you again in person. Not to mention your cute house.

It is good I will be going on vacation. Ginger and I have such a habit of chatting every morning for 30-45 mins or more... He's been messaging me this morning! sigh... that made me cry. miss pixi heard me and got out of bed to give me a cuddle.

He and I chatted briefly.

I am much sadder today than I was yesterday. I know time will heal me. I don't know, however, how to live day to day with a breakup of someone I am still fond of (and hot for)... I was so sick of my ex h by the time we broke up, I was already totally over him. Other breakups since, there was more of a drifting apart most of the time, since the feelings weren't full on love. Just a heart nick here and there. Not this renting of my heart like now. Dammit.

Let the tears flow. Let grief take its course. Time will heal me.

miss pixi has already expressed worry she won't be able to meet my sexual needs. I assured her that she's gotten good at helping me out in that area even when she's not in the mood. Hell, sex with Ginger has been so bad because of his health issues the last few months anyway, and I've been managing OK.

Right now I mostly miss his physical presence, his arms wrapped around me, his smell. Too bad our relationship goals and needs turned out to be so different.
 
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Sorry to hear this, Mags. Wishing everything good for you, and sending hugs.

(((HUGS)))
 
I'm so sorry :(

I've been following your story and this is not the end I hoped for you, although I know the relief of getting out of unsatisfactory situation. It's still painful. *hugs*
 
Thanks for the sympathy.

Man, I have a lot more free time now.
 
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