R u male or female?????

racer812

New member
As I read thru all of these posts, I started to realize something. It seems to me that a majority of the people who are poly are female and the majority of the monos are male. Just wondering if this is correct.
So I am now curious(have lots of curiosity) if women are more inclined to be poly and men are more inclined to have multiple partners for the sexual act. I understand that the act of sex is much more intimate for a woman, she has to "surrender"(could probably use a better word here) her body so to speak and men just need a place.
Not trying to ruffle any feathers, just curious.
Women seem to take to poly easier than men. Are we as men(the gender as a whole) more inclined to stay mono and have a fling for our variety?
Are women more inclined to have another lover?
These are just a few questions that I have running thru my mind. Again, I dont mean to label anybody or ruffle any feathers so to speak. Just curious.
 
Well if that were true, there wouldn`t be all the threads complaining about the lack of poly women, or unicorns, or well, anything female. :)

Maybe women like to talk about it more on forums. Both positive and negative. Men possibly only feel compelled to talk when there is a problem they can`t handle. I`m not sure. Heard that theory before too.
That would take a closer look.

( As for the 'surrender' thing,..not a poor choice in word, a poor concept. I don`t surrender anything bodily wise, anymore then some guy that has to trust me not to hurt his dick . It is a two way street. )

No ruffled feathers. Sounded like a genuine question to me.
 
male - poly
wife - poly
:)

I have noticed this forum has more females in general. Not sure if it is a difference in communication type :)

I did have someone close to me observe that women are more inclined to open their hearts quickly, while men step back and protect them. A general observation that I think applies in most cases. :)
 
I am female-poly.
Hubby is male, didn't know he was, but he's poly as well.
now ex-bf is mono.

My experience is that there are equal numbers in our area.
In fact the large majority of poly people that I've met have been couples-one male and one female.
;)
 
More acceptable for men?

I think women feel more misunderstood and have a greater desire to form online communities and post about polyamory.

People expect men to want sex with multiple partners and it's socially acceptable for them, so they don't feel as much need to band together online and discuss their feelings.

For women who are poly, it's harder, because people don't understand how you can possibly want to have sex with more than one person. That's what I think anyway.
 
I am female/poly. One of my boyfriends is mono and one is poly.
 
I did have someone close to me observe that women are more inclined to open their hearts quickly, while men step back and protect them. A general observation that I think applies in most cases. :)

Research, however, shows that men get attached more quickly than do women. Not necessarily that they talk about such things more readily.
 
That seems accurate to me. At least in my situation it fits well. I'm female and bringing poly into my marriage was my idea seems how I fell in love after my bf's wife passed away. We started talking and texting alot and the rest is history. Now for my husband. He was NOT thrilled at the idea of poly but because I didn't sleep with bf but knew it was escalating to that point DH was willing to give it some thought. He is now actively looking for a gf and even though he wants to find one I think it will be more of a fling and that he is truely mono at heart. He has had a really hard time adjusting to me being poly.
 
For some reason - at least in my experience and in my observations - women seem to be more open to the idea of 'sharing' than guys are. Whether this is conditioning or something genetic or both, I don't know, but it is something I've observed.

Whether or not that comes in the form of being the willing mono partner to a poly man or being the poly one in the group seems to depend more on the relationship dyamics than the person, oddly enough. Think about that for a while before flaming me for it - it's a pattern I've observed repeatedly. Women seem more comfortable with sharing a relationship in general - be that sharing their parter with others, or sharing themselves with other partners, or both.

I have often wondered if it relates to the gay/straight/bi debate. FAR more women are bisexual than men, at least everywhere I've EVER lived. Not counting the "party bi" chicks. But guys seem to settle in as gay or straight very quickly, and really bisexual or even bi curious males seem far less common. Women on the other hand - I know two or three in my whole life that count as "truly straight" - the number is down from 10 or 12 as more and more of them finally admit tht under the right circumstances or with the right woman, they'd willingly and even excitedly try it.

As for men and poly - that's also a different can of worms, and a complex one, and I'll post about it later 'cuz I'm distracted right now, lol.
 
I have noticed an even split between men and women. Maybe it's a west coast thing? Still, men find it hard to find female mates.

I also have noticed that the posters that stay are mostly women, but that there have been an even number of men and women over the last year and a half that I have been on here.

What I have noticed more is couples where the woman is bi and takes on a female lover, couples that one finds someone on the internet (more often than not and old fling) and it starts with that, and that we mostly talk about hard stuff rather than the good stuff. People tend to disappear when things get too rough or they are doing well.
 
I have noticed an even split between men and women. Maybe it's a west coast thing? Still, men find it hard to find female mates.

Would be interesting to go on a site like okc and do a survey. That might give you a decent snapshot...hmmmm Too bad no one has time for that kind of thing

What I have noticed more is couples where the woman is bi and takes on a female lover, couples that one finds someone on the internet (more often than not and old fling) and it starts with that, and that we mostly talk about hard stuff rather than the good stuff. People tend to disappear when things get too rough or they are doing well.

It is unfortunate. I wish more people, when things were going ok to well, would stick around. I wonder if they realize how much that would help people :)
 
Things are going well for me, but I'm not sure I count because my husband and I are not involved with other people yet. I had the one brief involvement last year which didn't go anywhere, and ever since then it's been business-as-usual. Boring and predictable, but in a good way.
 
I have noticed an even split between men and women. Maybe it's a west coast thing? Still, men find it hard to find female mates.

I have a hypothesis in regards to the numbers of men and women and the perception of the numbers of men and women.

Now I'd have to do a lot more research to validate it(but it is able to be validated or disproven) and it isn't gospel truth.

Here are my given assumptions.

You have a limited poly population that consists of women and men.

There are more bisexual women in the poly population than bisexual men.

The actual raw numbers of women that are poly are either slightly higher or equal to the number of men that are poly.

An individual can only date a finite number of people at once.

Now, with that said, here is my hypothesis.

When people become poly some of the women are removed from the dating pool because of the "One Penis Policy". Those women that are subject to the OPP, by definition, will date women and not men. Even if this is not true a majority of the time it is true often enough that it does make an impact because it not only erases all of the potential bandwith that could be used by dating a man on the part of the person who is subject to the OPP, but if the woman dates a woman who is not subject a OPP it reduces the bandwith of the non-OPP woman as well.

The logical way for this issue to be resolved is for guys to date other guys(who, because a lot of women are dating other women, have lots of spare bandwith to date). The thing is, because there are significantly more bisexual women in the poly scene than bisexual men, that creates the imbalance.

So, even if there are as many women as there are men in the poly scene, because of the OPP and greater number of bisexual women than bisexual men, that makes it significantly more difficult than it otherwise would be to find female people to date.
 
Or its as simple as this is how it works in real life. Men find it hard to get mates...I fail to see how this is any different.

The logical way for this issue to be resolved is for guys to date other guys

Bi-sexuality by exclusion...wow...that just sounds scary to me.
 
Would be interesting to go on a site like okc and do a survey. That might give you a decent snapshot...hmmmm Too bad no one has time for that kind of thing



It is unfortunate. I wish more people, when things were going ok to well, would stick around. I wonder if they realize how much that would help people :)

See, I think one factor in this is the amount of free time... ;)

I've gotten the impression that polys are busy. So they're here to vent, then hang around at home when things are going well.:D

claire
 
I find it interesting that it is often the man who drags the woman into the lifestyle. The woman might be rather reluctant at first, but once exposed to loving intimacy and perhaps sexual variety in safe, caring groups, they often become the strongest supporters of the lifestyle. Then, lo and behold.....we find out that it is often the man who has to potential to become more possessive and jealous.
 
I find it interesting that it is often the man who drags the woman into the lifestyle. The woman might be rather reluctant at first, but once exposed to loving intimacy and perhaps sexual variety in safe, caring groups, they often become the strongest supporters of the lifestyle. Then, lo and behold.....we find out that it is often the man who has to potential to become more possessive and jealous.

That's a fairly sweeping generalization.

I dragged him into this lifestyle.... and now he's happy here :D
 
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