Poly messages on dating sites

What you're describing are reasonable, dissenting opinions. I'm fine with and expect such. Especially on the internet.

What I'm referring to are labels like "douchebag" and "totally deceitful". There's no need for that in a forum for hearing out differences of opinion.
 
No reason not to, either

If one poster paints a picture of a scenario and another member thinks certain behaviors seem "totally deceitful," that is a valid opinion. If someone here thinks that not announcing one's relationship status before a date is a "douchebag move," or something similar, there is nothing wrong with expressing it in that manner - it's just a colorful way of saying something like, "Hey, doing such-and-such is not cool and really could hurt somebody." Sheesh, we're all adults here and a lot of us like to use vulgar language.

We do not, however, allow ad hominem attacks on a specific member, like calling someone an asshole, shithead, stupid, etc. See: User Guidelines -- Part 3.
 
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Again, I don't mind cursing. I do it all the time.

It just seems a little.weird that someone can insult me and get defended for it. Meanwhile in another thread Im getting blasted for using a term that has.multiple meanings.

I'll drop it as I'm getting nowhere asking for a little respect.
 
Well, seeing what she said as an insult is your choice. She was offering her stance on how she views certain actions, in general, as a way to help you. I am certain the choice of words wasn't an attack on you personally. You can choose to indulge in feeling insulted or look at the feedback and see if it has validity.
 
Ha, I spent a week on okc iming with a guy who just didn't get I was poly. My profile says, Open Relationship AND Non-mongamous, OK? I mention in the 2nd paragraph of the first section "about me," that I have a live-in gf and a bf who lives nearby.

This guy just didn't get it. He asked why my bf looked at his profile (I almost always send a link of ppl I am talking to, to Ginger, he enjoys it). I said, he's a good poly bf, he's looking out for me. No, he isn't jealous.

A few days later he accused me of cheating: "You have a steady bf and yet you're looking to date others." The hell? Where does my profile say I am not dating ethically? Sheesh. Finally I called it all off, he was just seeming dumb and dumber. Then he says, "I don't need men looking at my profile." I guess that weirded him out a lot! lol So when I told Ginger that, he went and looked at the guy's profile again, just because. :p

Then the guy msged me to complain Ginger had looked at him again, saying, "Is he jealous?"

So, my point is, even when you have banners and neon signs proclaiming your polyamory, some mono people just insist you're just a cheating whore.
 
Well, seeing what she said as an insult is your choice. She was offering her stance on how she views certain actions, in general, as a way to help you. I am certain the choice of words wasn't an attack on you personally. You can choose to indulge in feeling insulted or look at the feedback and see if it has validity.

So someone says, in a posting right after mine, that the exact actions I'm describing that a partner has done is “a douchebag move" and everything's just hunky dory? And im just the one being overly sensitive?

Wow. OK. Where were you in the thread where someone's telling me I'm being disrespectful? How about a little even time?
 
There is a huge difference between calling a person a derogatory term, like "breeder," and saying a person's actions are dishonest, deceitful, or douchey, in someone else's opinion.

But this thread really needs to get back on topic. More arguing will only result in closing it to additional replies. Besides, this topic has been discussed numerous times before. If you're still interested in learning others' views on when people think one should disclose their poly status, use the Advanced Search feature and try some keywords.
 
Ha, I spent a week on okc iming with a guy who just didn't get I was poly. My profile says, Open Relationship AND Non-mongamous, OK? I mention in the 2nd paragraph of the first section "about me," that I have a live-in gf and a bf who lives nearby.

This guy just didn't get it. He asked why my bf looked at his profile (I almost always send a link of ppl I am talking to, to Ginger, he enjoys it). I said, he's a good poly bf, he's looking out for me. No, he isn't jealous.

A few days later he accused me of cheating: "You have a steady bf and yet you're looking to date others." The hell? Where does my profile say I am not dating ethically? Sheesh. Finally I called it all off, he was just seeming dumb and dumber. Then he says, "I don't need men looking at my profile." I guess that weirded him out a lot! lol So when I told Ginger that, he went and looked at the guy's profile again, just because. :p

Then the guy msged me to complain Ginger had looked at him again, saying, "Is he jealous?"

So, my point is, even when you have banners and neon signs proclaiming your polyamory, some mono people just insist you're just a cheating whore.

:D

This mostly sounds like a case of you can't fix stupid!
 
Yeah, in the past few months I have received zero messages, but several guys a day "like" me. At first I would check out their profile and send messages to some (although most, well, it was obvious they hadn't read mine. Their profiles were pretty much a list of everything that wasn't me being what they were looking for).

But I never got messages back, so now I don't bother. If they actually want to talk to me, they'll have to send a message, not just "like" me. Frustrating though. Several of them a day and not one willing to send even a couple sentences.
 
Yeah, in the past few months I have received zero messages, but several guys a day "like" me. At first I would check out their profile and send messages to some (although most, well, it was obvious they hadn't read mine. Their profiles were pretty much a list of everything that wasn't me being what they were looking for).

But I never got messages back, so now I don't bother. If they actually want to talk to me, they'll have to send a message, not just "like" me. Frustrating though. Several of them a day and not one willing to send even a couple sentences.

Don't give up, Tonberry. I wrote to Ginger because he'd 4 or 5-starred me, and here we are, 2 1/3 years later, still together. I also sometimes 4 or 5-star men who end up writing to me, and we might have interesting conversations, at least.

I am not saying to message boring men who star you, but there can be rewards from messaging interesting men who star you, or from starring interesting (poly or poly friendly) men.
 
I spoke with my metamour and he said the same thing; you really do not get responses if you talk about polyamory in your messages. That is, of course, unless someone explicitly states they are polyamorous in their profile (or you already know them).
 
I don't think the Cupid notifies people anymore when someone rates them 4 or 5 stars. Plus you can no longer see your own list of starred people. They keep changing features around.

I get a notification only if I 5* and the other person 5*s back. I'm able to see whom I starred under "quick matches".
 
Every dating site I have ever used has an area for relationship status in the profile. Granted, OKC has had recent updates so it is not visible for everyone who hasn't updated their profile since the updates, but in most cases it says "single" or "married" or "available" or something to that effect. What do you put in those areas? If someone says single, then they have answered the "what is your relationship status" question already so I wouldn't bother. If it's left blank, then sure... Ask.

Today I noticed a new status OPEN RELATIONSHIP on okc, so I'm now updated to that from married.;)
 
Today I noticed a new status OPEN RELATIONSHIP on okc, so I'm now updated to that from married.;)

I was actually kind of saddened by that change. I preferred available (which is how people showed up if they listed seeing someone/married AND looking to date) over "open relationship."
 
I was actually kind of saddened by that change. I preferred available (which is how people showed up if they listed seeing someone/married AND looking to date) over "open relationship."

Yeah, I wish there was the option to pick both. You can be married and available, and to some people it makes a difference whether you're married or not, so it's good to be able to say so. I like the thing they added on the right better, where you can say you are, for instance, strictly non-monogamous.
 
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