My story is somewhat involved so please bare with me, Let me preface this by saying that I love my wife, and I have to believe she loves me, I'm 39 years old and she's 35.
We've been together for 11 years, married for 6. Prior to our relationship she had been in poly relationships, I was aware of this, she says they ended with broken trust issues, and other problems. I had not been invoved in this culture before, and there were no plans to be poly.
Years go by, the marriage did end up hitting a little physical/emotional slump. More of a slow down of physicality. She decided she would like to open up the relationship, she is bisexual and thought it would be good to bring another woman to our relationship. Being a very easy going person, I said fine that could be nice and off she went looking to find a woman for us to share a relationship. Months go by and no luck, she said it's difficult, so why not just find a girlfriend for herself, I said, I didn't think that was very fair to me, she said I could find myself a girlfriend too. This wasn't a big deal to me, so I agreed to it, and set up an OKCupid profile, she did the same, I didn't really look very hard because like I said, it really wasn't a big deal to me.
About 2 years ago, she met a girl who is also married and poly, they ended up going out regularly and end up becoming girlfriends, I cruise OkCupid sending out messages and getting responses back but nothing ever happened for me. My wife and her girlfriend end up getting into a fight over something that I found crazy (on the other womans end), and they end up breaking up. I realize that this woman is not a good influence on my wife and really leads a drama filled life - something I don't appreciate much. After about a month apart my wife and the woman speak again, and I tell her I don't approve of her. The other woman insists on writing me, apologizing for everything that has happened and promising that things will be different, would I please reconsider, let my wife see her. I relent and let them date again. It was a bad idea, didn't last very long, They've broken up but are still in touch with each other on facebook.
That was about 6 months of that relationship. Several months after the break up, she begins looking again. She ends up telling me she's attracted to a single, male acquaintance of ours, & would like to ask him out, we weren't even aware if he was at all poly. I think to myself that she's changing the rules again, but I'm seriously not a jealous person. I want her to be happy with me and with the relationships she wants to be in. I have no problem with her dating guys. She and the guy go out, and when she comes back she tells me that he's not interested in her that way. The 3 of us are still friends and see each other fairly regularly, a couple times a month.
Throughout this time, I've talked with a few people on OKCupid, shown her a couple that seemed interested in me, and I could be interested in meeting - but I still hadn't met anyone in person.
My wife ends up meeting another woman who is also bisexual, and married to a bisexual (more on the gay side) man. They end up dating and have been dating for several months now.
One night her girlfriend throws a party at her house where I am invited. Some of her friends are pretty open with their sexuality. And one of them comes on to me. I got very drunk at the party, and ended up making out with the girl. My wife does not approve and says something likem do you know how old she is? Turns out she was 25, I don't find this to be a big deal, but apparently my wife does, and after making out with her for a little bit she take my arm and tells me we're going home. I admit this was a bad call on my part, and have admitted it to her since, and while not an excuse, I got very drunk that night , enough that I was very hungover and throwing up the following morning. While at the party I friended this girl on facebook. The next day my wife saw this and got very angry with me and demanded I delete her from my friends. I agree and mail the girl explaining the situation and apologizing for getting out of line. She says she doesn't understand, that the age thing isn't a big deal, but she'll respect my wishes, and so I deleted her from my friends after I got her reply. I haven't been in touch with her since.
Side note: A couple months ago, despite the fact that we've had conversations about it before, and she knows I'm not interested, she tells me she wants to have children. Don't get me wrong, I like kids, and generally they like me as well, I'm told by both my wife and our friends who are parents that I do have a way with children. But I don't want any for myself, it's just not in my DNA, I explain to her that we've talked about this before, I'm not interested in kids, and besides we couldn't afford it now. She agrees, and has since told me that it's just something that she has to learn to live with and hasn't asked about it in a while.
Fast forward 2 weeks ago, I receive an e-mail on OKCupid from someone who has a lot of similar interests to me, I check out her profile, see that there is a lot in common, and she is 42 so age wouldn't be a factor, so I write her back on Thursday. On Friday we decide we are going to meet on Saturday. I see that my wife has plans Saturday night to go to an event that doesn't involve me, so I wouldn't be causing any scheduling conflicts if she had made plans for us to do. Friday, my wife is out with her friends on a girls night, so I decide I wouldn't interrupt her night to tell her about this. Saturday morning comes and she's up early because she has a petsitting job to take care of, and then she goes grocery shopping. She gets home at around 1-2ish, and I tell her that I have a date that night. She looks at me strangely and says who is she, and wants to see the OKCupid profile. I did make a little mistake here and asked her why she needed to see it, I'm just meeting someone who knows if there would be any interest/compatibility beyond the first meeting. She gets annoyed with me, and demands to see it. She doesn't say anything negative about it at that time, and seems to go about her day.
A couple hours later I can tell something's up, she's acting angry and upset, so I ask her what's wrong, it's around 4 I'd say and me and this girl decided we were going to be meeting at around 6 at a shop down the street from my house. My wife tells me I sprang this on her, and she's not happy with how I did this. I ask her if she wants me to cancel, because if she does, she'd better tell me soon because this person would be leaving soon as she lives about an hour away. I explain to her that if she feels bad, I'd cancel it, or if she wants, she can come with me and meet her too. After some conversation she tells me to just go ahead and go, she doesn't want to cancel her plans, they're too important.
Meanwhile some other friends of ours post on facebook that they're meeting at that shop later that night too, after I had already planned to meet with this person there, it's a shop we all occasionally congregate at to do some board gaming, but they don't go very often, it's more my normal hang-out. Had I known they were planning to go, I wouldn't have planned to meet her there. But It was already a little late to change the plan. So we meet there anyway, she ends up being really friendly and we get along well and my friends got along with her too. So far so good. She and I had decided if things were going well we'd go out after gaming to a club where a band was playing. We go there and had a great time, talking and getting to know each other.
After the band finished we hung out for a song or two more, then decided to call it a night. We drive back to the shop we met at, where she left her car, having good conversation, and enjoying each others company. At the ed of the night we talk about how comfortable we felt with each other, and how great it was meeting each other and how we'd like to do it again soon. I end up giving her a kiss goodnight at her car, and then we make our separate ways.
The next day all hell breaks loose at home. My wife tells me I went about this all wrong, how she should have met her at the same time I met her and how could I take her where my friends we going to be. And how she "hopes I had a great time" and that she is going to break up with her girlfriend, and she wants to close the relationship again. And that we need to go to marriage counseling. I tell her to calm down, I'm sorry if I went about things wrong in how I met her, and that if that's the way she wants things that's the way they would be in the future if I met people. She tells me she doesn't want me to see this girl while we work on our relationship. I tell her fine, we'll work on us, I'll see a marriage counselor with her, but that I want to keep in touch with the girl at least as friends while we work things out. I don't like the idea of burning bridges. Later that day she tells me she did end up breaking up with her girlfriend, and that "her relationships with girls are never real anyway"
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We've been together for 11 years, married for 6. Prior to our relationship she had been in poly relationships, I was aware of this, she says they ended with broken trust issues, and other problems. I had not been invoved in this culture before, and there were no plans to be poly.
Years go by, the marriage did end up hitting a little physical/emotional slump. More of a slow down of physicality. She decided she would like to open up the relationship, she is bisexual and thought it would be good to bring another woman to our relationship. Being a very easy going person, I said fine that could be nice and off she went looking to find a woman for us to share a relationship. Months go by and no luck, she said it's difficult, so why not just find a girlfriend for herself, I said, I didn't think that was very fair to me, she said I could find myself a girlfriend too. This wasn't a big deal to me, so I agreed to it, and set up an OKCupid profile, she did the same, I didn't really look very hard because like I said, it really wasn't a big deal to me.
About 2 years ago, she met a girl who is also married and poly, they ended up going out regularly and end up becoming girlfriends, I cruise OkCupid sending out messages and getting responses back but nothing ever happened for me. My wife and her girlfriend end up getting into a fight over something that I found crazy (on the other womans end), and they end up breaking up. I realize that this woman is not a good influence on my wife and really leads a drama filled life - something I don't appreciate much. After about a month apart my wife and the woman speak again, and I tell her I don't approve of her. The other woman insists on writing me, apologizing for everything that has happened and promising that things will be different, would I please reconsider, let my wife see her. I relent and let them date again. It was a bad idea, didn't last very long, They've broken up but are still in touch with each other on facebook.
That was about 6 months of that relationship. Several months after the break up, she begins looking again. She ends up telling me she's attracted to a single, male acquaintance of ours, & would like to ask him out, we weren't even aware if he was at all poly. I think to myself that she's changing the rules again, but I'm seriously not a jealous person. I want her to be happy with me and with the relationships she wants to be in. I have no problem with her dating guys. She and the guy go out, and when she comes back she tells me that he's not interested in her that way. The 3 of us are still friends and see each other fairly regularly, a couple times a month.
Throughout this time, I've talked with a few people on OKCupid, shown her a couple that seemed interested in me, and I could be interested in meeting - but I still hadn't met anyone in person.
My wife ends up meeting another woman who is also bisexual, and married to a bisexual (more on the gay side) man. They end up dating and have been dating for several months now.
One night her girlfriend throws a party at her house where I am invited. Some of her friends are pretty open with their sexuality. And one of them comes on to me. I got very drunk at the party, and ended up making out with the girl. My wife does not approve and says something likem do you know how old she is? Turns out she was 25, I don't find this to be a big deal, but apparently my wife does, and after making out with her for a little bit she take my arm and tells me we're going home. I admit this was a bad call on my part, and have admitted it to her since, and while not an excuse, I got very drunk that night , enough that I was very hungover and throwing up the following morning. While at the party I friended this girl on facebook. The next day my wife saw this and got very angry with me and demanded I delete her from my friends. I agree and mail the girl explaining the situation and apologizing for getting out of line. She says she doesn't understand, that the age thing isn't a big deal, but she'll respect my wishes, and so I deleted her from my friends after I got her reply. I haven't been in touch with her since.
Side note: A couple months ago, despite the fact that we've had conversations about it before, and she knows I'm not interested, she tells me she wants to have children. Don't get me wrong, I like kids, and generally they like me as well, I'm told by both my wife and our friends who are parents that I do have a way with children. But I don't want any for myself, it's just not in my DNA, I explain to her that we've talked about this before, I'm not interested in kids, and besides we couldn't afford it now. She agrees, and has since told me that it's just something that she has to learn to live with and hasn't asked about it in a while.
Fast forward 2 weeks ago, I receive an e-mail on OKCupid from someone who has a lot of similar interests to me, I check out her profile, see that there is a lot in common, and she is 42 so age wouldn't be a factor, so I write her back on Thursday. On Friday we decide we are going to meet on Saturday. I see that my wife has plans Saturday night to go to an event that doesn't involve me, so I wouldn't be causing any scheduling conflicts if she had made plans for us to do. Friday, my wife is out with her friends on a girls night, so I decide I wouldn't interrupt her night to tell her about this. Saturday morning comes and she's up early because she has a petsitting job to take care of, and then she goes grocery shopping. She gets home at around 1-2ish, and I tell her that I have a date that night. She looks at me strangely and says who is she, and wants to see the OKCupid profile. I did make a little mistake here and asked her why she needed to see it, I'm just meeting someone who knows if there would be any interest/compatibility beyond the first meeting. She gets annoyed with me, and demands to see it. She doesn't say anything negative about it at that time, and seems to go about her day.
A couple hours later I can tell something's up, she's acting angry and upset, so I ask her what's wrong, it's around 4 I'd say and me and this girl decided we were going to be meeting at around 6 at a shop down the street from my house. My wife tells me I sprang this on her, and she's not happy with how I did this. I ask her if she wants me to cancel, because if she does, she'd better tell me soon because this person would be leaving soon as she lives about an hour away. I explain to her that if she feels bad, I'd cancel it, or if she wants, she can come with me and meet her too. After some conversation she tells me to just go ahead and go, she doesn't want to cancel her plans, they're too important.
Meanwhile some other friends of ours post on facebook that they're meeting at that shop later that night too, after I had already planned to meet with this person there, it's a shop we all occasionally congregate at to do some board gaming, but they don't go very often, it's more my normal hang-out. Had I known they were planning to go, I wouldn't have planned to meet her there. But It was already a little late to change the plan. So we meet there anyway, she ends up being really friendly and we get along well and my friends got along with her too. So far so good. She and I had decided if things were going well we'd go out after gaming to a club where a band was playing. We go there and had a great time, talking and getting to know each other.
After the band finished we hung out for a song or two more, then decided to call it a night. We drive back to the shop we met at, where she left her car, having good conversation, and enjoying each others company. At the ed of the night we talk about how comfortable we felt with each other, and how great it was meeting each other and how we'd like to do it again soon. I end up giving her a kiss goodnight at her car, and then we make our separate ways.
The next day all hell breaks loose at home. My wife tells me I went about this all wrong, how she should have met her at the same time I met her and how could I take her where my friends we going to be. And how she "hopes I had a great time" and that she is going to break up with her girlfriend, and she wants to close the relationship again. And that we need to go to marriage counseling. I tell her to calm down, I'm sorry if I went about things wrong in how I met her, and that if that's the way she wants things that's the way they would be in the future if I met people. She tells me she doesn't want me to see this girl while we work on our relationship. I tell her fine, we'll work on us, I'll see a marriage counselor with her, but that I want to keep in touch with the girl at least as friends while we work things out. I don't like the idea of burning bridges. Later that day she tells me she did end up breaking up with her girlfriend, and that "her relationships with girls are never real anyway"
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